Hi, <P>I meant to ask this question also...<P>If I ask, ask and receive, or ask and not receive sole custody, do you think this diminishes, decreases, or <BR>totally prevents the possiblity of reconciliation from my husband perspective?<P>Or should I ask: If I let the ball roll toward joint custody, do you think that reconciliation is more of a possbility in the future?<P>There is so much he has done that is "a pack of lies". I want to set the record straight. Asking for sole custody provides me with the opportunity to show how his actions could be harmul to our children...which I am genuinely concerned about...and he hasn't.<P>Hope you understand where I am coming from and the dilemmna I face...<P>elo

As I said in on your other thread: It doesn't matter. He isn't asking to reconcile. He is divorcing you, and your children are at risk. Put them first.

ELO, <BR>Take a look at Mrs. O's post about her ex talking about reconciliation. <P>Since he is an alcoholic, he is going to try to blame YOU for the lack of reconciliation. So if he uses this as some sort of excuse, then you know that he is not ready.<P>On the other hand, if he says he wants to reconcile and he says that he sees why you did that. That he was not a good influence at that time. That the kids need a sober dad and he is ready to be that. Maybe he would then be ready for reconciliation.<P>I fall into this trap CONSTANTLY. If he does not want to reconcile, it is NOT your fault. HE has to want it enough to fight for it. You have trusted an untrustworthy person long enough. His actions need to match his words, and for now, he is divorcing you. He does not want reconciliation. Do your best to get past the denial and accept that. If he changes his mind, his ACTIONS will show it!!! YOU WILL NOT HAVE TO GUESS. It will be obvious to everyone, even his greatest critic! And as I stated above, he will not blame you for putting the needs of the kids first if he is really ready for reconciliation.<P>One more thing. Don't doubt yourself. This is not vindictiveness on your part!!!! You don't have to endanger the children. No matter what he says -- because he will try to bully you, because he is selfish and thinks everything is about him -- you do what is best for the kids!!! <P>My STBX was being physically abused by his OP and I told him that if the kids ever saw it, he would have CPS on his a** so fast that his head would spin. He broke up with OP soon after that -- and I wish I could say it was for his kids' sake or even his own sake!!! But it was not -- in fact, I think she broke it off with him. But at least he is safely away from the abuse and I pray that he makes a better choice the next time. Despite everything, I love him still, and NO ONE needs to be abused.