4 month's since d-day. I am BS of 9 years. WS is sex addict, spend-aholic and<BR> habitual liar. All has been very very good for last 2 months.<P> I just got a phone record that shows who she has been calling from our home. She<BR> called OP the day before her birthday. She also called him on 5/18/01. He was her<BR> #1 OP. The A lasted 3 years +/-. He is an older man whom she worked for. She is a<BR> sex abuse victum.<P> I am calling Counselor, Pastor, and Lawyers. D is very emminent. I don't understand<BR> why she broke the no contact rule.

Sorry to hear your story..... I know the pain.<P>You are in my prayers.

I am sorry for your pain. I too just found out that my H broke the no contact rule for the third time. <P>I'm afraid knowing why is what brings many of us here. That seems to be the ultimate questions that we all have. Unfortunately, it is not easily answered by BS or WS. At some point you have to just let go. Decide if you can work it our or just move on. <P>Use this site and the people. It has a great source of inspiration and information. Good luck to you.

I am amazingly calm. That is the truly saddest part. I am in contact with my Pastor and 2 counselors. Once I get my separation papers straightened out, my #1 counselor and my W will sit down. We will have to confront her with the truth. The rest is up to her. I may seek her again or I may divorce her. We will be legally separated. Call it Plan B. I will not support her destroying herself, my children or me. This is done in love. God help me. My decision is not rash. Please read my role call on the "Just found out... " board.<P>Any advice you can give me about separation/divorce is appreciated.

Seems that your wife have seriuos issues not related to you. She probably developed a shame base personality and is acting out of pain. See, she feels she is shame, rather to healthy shame for what she is doing. I really don't think that your love alone is going to change her, but she is a girl that never developed boundaries. That is why that from her or to her, there is no barriers to any kind of abuse. <BR>I can also notice your despair and disgust/pain. Be careful labeling and enabling. You need to be consistent and firm establishing boundaries and thoughfully help her be open to her feelings and confusion without judment. These people needs selp-help groups, 12 steps or similar where they can open up and heal by talking and not pretending. Is she is to needy, it seems difficult for her to satisfy your needs. She need professional help, serious spiritual counseling and unconditional love. Can you deal with this challenge?

Zaydee7,<P>Yes yes yes, but alas my wife has not faced the facts. She has not entered that first step where you give up control. I am hoping this will do it.