Today my daughter called to wish me a happy birthday and was very pleasant.<P>I asked if her father had married his lover of about five years. Daughter said thst they had not married. She was finally moving in. <P>I was glad to hear this as I'm sure reality is going to sink in very soon. Daughter says she's okay around the woman, but she's mad because she has to compete for her father's attention with the OW.<P>I knew this would happen. My daughter says she's asked him for a couple of things over the phone. And she can hear sounds from the woman in the background. Then her father says "I'll have to ask her (name left out to protect the guilty)."<P>Daughter also said her father was scared as he thought he had a heart attack and was to have an EKG run today. He's really scared to death and has stopped smoking. She asked me not to send him a card as that would bring trouble between the two of them. I wasn't going to anyway. Guess he's really stressed now.<P>Later she called and said the test turned out fine. I am very grateful to hear that. However, it looks like things are not so great in Paradise.<P>Martha<P><BR>

I don't understand what the competion is..I mean...she's his daughter..not that kids should always come first..but there shouldn't be a competion...that is a big problem in alot of<BR>marriages even...their seems to be a competion for attention<BR>when kids come into the picture..and even in new relationships..we all need to balance the relationships..<BR>because one day..the kids will be grown..and if you don't have a relationship with your spouse other than something superficial what will it be like when they are grown or not<BR>around?? So she shouldn't feel as though it is a competion..<BR>one day she won't be around for dad...or you..

The daughter is 28 years old and has a child of her own. She's needed Dad's help in different areas of her home and he has to ask the lover if he can fill some requests of his daughter.

Still doesn't make sense..is she asking for financial help?<BR>or just help in doing things in general? and can't she ask any friends to help her?

I don't see how this doesn't make sense! The daughter has been the apple of her father's eye for 28 years. Daughters have a way of asking their dads for financial support, repairs on their house, help in general. He's always been there for her. I always supported him in this.<P>They feel more like asking their fathers for help instead of friends because fathers usually come running.<P>But when an other woman comes in the picture, the other woman would love for the man to cut the ties with everyone even children. She wants him ALL to herself and resents when children ask for help.<P>I think this is probably typcial in all similar situations. In fact, other women I've talked to tell me the same thing. Girls don't like to give up the attention they've had all their lives, especially to a woman who has wrecked their family.

Martha,<P>I agree. OW's most often do want to erase all vestiges of a man's former family, including his children. <P>ThornedRose,<P>Why shouldn't the daughter ask for help when she needs it? Why would she depend on friends when she has a father? I would hope that my children would never hesitate to come to me for help, and, before my H was abducted by aliens, they would never have hesitated to come to him, and he always was there for them.

Thanks, Nellie, for your reply. We seem to have similar ideas about many different topics here.<P>I hope things are going better for you. They seem to be for me. I happened to run into him at Wal-Mart since the last post.<P>Martha

Hi Martha,<P>This one has me laughing out loud. The average price of a phone call from one of my kids is about $300.00. There was a time when I only received two types of phone call: A. Dad, send money. and B. Dad, send more money. Money isn't everything, but it sure helps the kids stay in touch.<P>My son is my son till he takes a wife,<BR>But my daughter is my daughter for the rest of her life. ...........Anonymous.<P>The only part of this I don't understand is your ex turning around and asking permission to help his daughter with anything under any circumstance. We can look back 3,500 years to the ancient Babylonian Code of Hammarabi. Even then they recognized that a woman is forever a member of her father's household. It has always been that way. This isn't something new.<P>That is one of the reasons that a man with three kids, especially if he is the custodial parent, isn't in big demand in the re-marriage market. It is why I'm still single after seventeen years. <P>Our youngest son is totally disabled and terminally ill. The Social Security disability income just isn't enough to maintain a decent standard of living. I'll be damned if I'm going to turn around and ask anyone for permission or approval to help him make the most of what is left of his life.<P>Given what you have shared with us, it just doesn't come as any surprise at all that your daughter feels like she has to compete for his attention. Hopefully someday the fog will lift for him.<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper