Today is my one year anniversary, the anniversary of me getting "the speech".<P>One year ago today my W sat me down, and gave me the "no longer in love with you" speech, followed by the brilliant observation that she "cannot be married to someone she is not in love with...".<P>In the subsequent months, I've had the pleasure of seeing her go off on an overnight "shopping trip" with champagne bottle tucked in the back seat, overhearing hushed phone conversations at night, and watching the kids while she went on a conference trip packing her snap-crotch lingerie... Since she "forgot" to include the presence of an OM into her speech, I was also forced to verify my sanity by tape recording a very telling phone conversation between her and OM, one that probably took a few years off my life.<P>In the last year, I have had the joy of having someone I loved and respected more than anything in the world turn into a complete cold hearted monster, destroy everything I believed in, and reduce our little kids to having no real home or family and asking if mommy and daddy are going to be divorced...<P>At the same time, I have come to MB, learned more than I have in years, and have grown into the kind of person I always wanted to be. I am truly content with my life these days, and am busy continuing to learn and grow. I am sure that my next relationship will actually be everything that I wanted my marriage to be...<P>My W? Well, she is continuing down her death spiral, busily working on destroying the OM's family, so the two of them can finally be together and be happy... Should we take bets on how happy they will be? Thought not... Amazing how things work out sometimes, isn't it?<P>So, it's been a good year, in a strange kind of way. Now, I get to check my journal that I started keeping after the speech, to mark the anniversaries of her little escapades with OM, of d-day, of her moving out, etc... Maybe I should just burn the journal...<P>Anyway, feel free to have a beer (or champagne) for my "anniversary"! Thanks for being my friends!<P>AGG

Duh, I forgot the point of my post... What do they say, "don't drink and post"? <P>Anyway, my point is that one year ago today, my life was shattered in a way that I would have never imagined. My W was in charge, she had her little plan all figured out, and I was thrown out to the wolves (at least that was the plan)...<P>Yet in the year that ensued, I have regrouped, refocused, and have grown into the confident and happy person that I always was, before I lost myself in the marriage. And my W, the one who had it all figured out, is now miserable and lost...<P>My point, especially to all the newbies here who are just reeling from finding out about a spouse's affair or being served with papers, is that life does go on. Moreover, if you handle yourself with dignity and compassion during these awful times, you will demonstrate the strength of your character to everyone (including your spouse). And <B>that</B> is what will make you happy in the end, not the pursuit of a "better deal" which you attain at the expense of everyone around you...<P>AGG

Cheers!!! 16 months for me now since I too got the same exact speech as you with no mention of OM however the evidence was undeniable. Unlike you I haven't been able to recoup or regroup as quickly but I'm getting there. I can't say I wish her all the best because I'd be lying, I want to see her unhappy with the decisions she's made and the way she's treated and alienated my family and left her children without a family. As of right now she's still on her "high" and in her fog with OM going strong a year and a half later. Still shirks parental responsibility in lieu of her new life.........maybe I'm being too bitter but I can only hope it'll crash down on her someday. Best of luck. Jax

As we have talked... I also couldn't believe the person my H had become after "the speech".. Funny.. I heard it about 9 months ago and didn't ever think I would be where I am today. Happy again. <P>I think it all takes us different times.. We had no children, but I still feel like a family was destroyed. My family and friends all loved him. We were all so disappointed mostly. But.. Hey, live goes on. And this site as been a Godsend for so many of us. Newbies, keep the faith. Follow the principles. Learn to live again. Learn to be the person that your spouse fell in love with again. Maybe it will get them back.. But most importantly, it will get yourself back. <P>There's always a better day around the corner.. No matter how bad it looks now. <P>arm6868@hotmail.com

Hi AGG,<P>havent' posted to you for a while. I'm so glad to read how well you're doing.<P>I've often said and thought to myself that my best revenge is to get on with my life and be happy. Well, I'm finally there.<BR>I have a great job, fantastic family, best friends and every second weekend to myself!!!<P>And he seems to be going further and further downhill. I don't wish it on him, but I do keep saying (to myself) "what goes around comes around..."<P>Anyway, congratulations on making it thus far. And I know the dangers of drinking and typing. Had a very funny night a while ago, could barely read the screen!!!! Bailey's will do it to me every time!!!<P><BR>Hey Jax,<BR>good to see you too. It's been a while. I've noticed a few old names from the past popping up. It's great to hear how everyone is doing, and I think most of us are doing ok. I thank God every day for MB. I don't think I'd be half as far without you all.<P>hugs<BR>Jo

Thank you Jax, A, and Jo!<P>I had a great evening yesterday, seeping my margarita and reminiscing about the last year...<P>Yep, from those awful beginnings of last June, I have definitely come a long way to become content and strong, while my W is full of guilt and confusion.<P>And you are right Jo, I have gotten over missing my kids when they are with my W every other weekend, and have really learned to make the best of my free time . Not what I wanted, but I have learned to make the best of it, and I am continuing onward.<P>AGG<p>[This message has been edited by AGoodGuy (edited June 06, 2001).]

And upward?<P>Just dropping in to say...good job!<P>d2k<BR>

Hey AGG,<P>Glad to hear that you are doing well. It has been 5 months since I got "the Speech", and I am happy to say that I tto have regrouped and refocused. I am feeling better than I have in years, and I am starting to get my life back together (The way I want it!). My STBX is still living with the OM, and they seem to have gotten a nice little home started, though things are not as peachy as she thought they would be. Oh well, they deserve each other. I will have a beer or two for you!<P>Griz

AGG,<P>I will have a 'Pacifico' in your honor. Ooops can't right now, helping son with his 'math' homework. But glad to hear about your progress. <P>You said it well and I am glad you are doing good. You have encouraged many here and for that I am grateful. <P>Keep up the good work!!!<P>L.<BR>

Thank you D2, Griz, L . Griz, nice to you getting through this stuff so well...Yup, we are all going to make it, and come out ahead!<P>Thanks for having a drink with me (D2, you drinking??). Cheers! <P>AGG<p>[This message has been edited by AGoodGuy (edited June 07, 2001).]