First, thank you for your response to my thread. We are all here to help each other get through this, and I thank you for your Jesterliness (is that a word?).<P>Second, I want to tell you something about these moods. I have been in this since Feb. 3rd last year, when my H left me and 2 kids and a mortgage 3 months behind and I had no job. WHAT A SHOCK!! However, one thing I have learned about me is that I do go through cycles of feeling bummed out. Some days, I just can not fight for this one more minute--I can't do it. Some days, I just wish that someone would be willing to fight like this for me. In the subsequent pity party, I get so bummed out and sad that I sit at my computer with tears in my eyes. My contacts stay nice and moist! <P>But, I also know that this too shall pass--usually. It's taking longer, and I'm feeling it more deeply lately, but eventually the day comes along when I do something spectacular at work--or I really help out a friend and I know (deep down within me) that I AM a great and wonderful person, no matter how I "feel" and no matter what my H may say! Once-in-a-while, I'll hear a message, or read the Bible, or just be sitting quietly praying, and I will hear exactly what I need to hear to get me out of my melancholy. <P>The thing is, when I do feel blue, as I do now, I have stubbornly learned that if I share these feelings with the folks here, it is good for me--because I get the support and general love that I need to carry on--and it is good for them--because they have the grace to minister to and support someone else. It is amazing how quickly you will "forget" your own problems when you are talking to and helping someone else! Anyway, I tend to want to keep it to myself (can you believe that!!??) and I tend to want to hold onto it forever, so I have had to learn to DO what I do not FEEL like doing. <P>So, bud, we have been silly and jesterly and eyelash-battingly humble and subservient together, and now we need to be sad together. Your heart feels sad and you feel a little like crying, but the tears won't come? Well, you are so busy running around, preparing for your trip, holding up appearances, etc. that you need to take the time to let your little half of a wall down and cry. Go ahead. You'll still be a big, tough man in my book. Take some quiet time tonight (if there is any) when it's late and you're alone, and let yourself feel. Watch a tear-jerker movie or listen to a song that used to be "our song", and I guarantee you--you'll cry.<P>Okay. Well, have a safe drive and be a good boy in Denver. I'm looking forward to hearing the traffic reports tomorrow afternoon: "I-70 is bumper to bumper from the airport to the mousetrap. Apparently a guy in red and purple silk with a pointy, pokey, snakey thingy is rolling on his [censored]. Firetrucks and police are on the scene and moving the victim to the side of the road, but the damage has been done." <P>Write if you need to: cindy_wolfe@blm.gov<P><BR>CJ<BR><P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Again.....good post, CJ.<P>Hey, LostHusband, maybe you could also peel an onion, just to get started....<P><BR>I'm serious! <P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<p>[This message has been edited by Mrs.O (edited June 06, 2001).]

(((((((((((((((((((((((Bill))))))))))))))))))))))))<P>Any time you need a shoulder to cry on, you know where you can find someone who cares. I wish I could give you a hug and make it all better but that's not possible right now.

(((((((((((((((((((((((Bill))))))))))))))))))))))))<P>Any time you need a shoulder to cry on, you know where you can find someone who cares. I wish I could give you a hug and make it all better but that's not possible right now. <P>You can be sure that all of us know how badly it hurts at times. And we're all on your side. <P>If you need to talk/type to me, you may reach me at jane_elisem@altavista.com

There was a huge accident and car fire on a major Denver freeway on Friday night, so naturally I thought of you! Heehee <P>Soooo...How was your trip?<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

I'm BAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKKKK.<P>Don't have a lot of time right now but I'll reply soon. Thank you so much for your thoughts.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

CJ,<P>First of all thank you so much. Your message came at just the right time. It is so nice knowing that people like you are out there. For the first time in over a week, after reading your message, a tear did come to my eye. I am so ready for a good cry and release of all of these emotions. <P>BTW I do not worry about my "manhood", I am in touch with my femanine side. Though I work, I do have more of the traditional "MOM" role in the house. I am who the kids come to for emotional support. I cook. I do laundry. I sew.<P>I think my best therapy has been playing the part of the JESTER. I used to be a real fun person. Over the past 12 years that person has gone away and I'm trying to get him back.<P>Mrs. O - Cinderella - CJ<BR>Ladies, I can't even begin to say how much this message meant to me. I just read it this morning. My heart filled with joy as a feeling of being loved came over my body. I needed that. Thank you ladies.<P>bill@salinaplaningmill.com<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-<p>[This message has been edited by LostHusband (edited June 12, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FaithfulWife:<BR><B>There was a huge accident and car fire on a major Denver freeway on Friday night, so naturally I thought of you! Heehee <P>Soooo...How was your trip?<P>CJ<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I was no where near mile marker 10 of E-470 when that car caught on fire. I was in a hot tub drinkin FAT TIRE.<P>Our trip was great. The girls and I came out on Thursday and stayed with my Godfather in south Littleton. I hadn't been to his new house and OMG his house was pretty awesome. The girls thought that I should go ahead and get a house out there.<P>Friday we went to the Mint and Ocean Journey. Girls loved it.<P>Saturday we went to the Springs for Regional baton competition. The girls did wonderful. I think they were in 17 events. They got 3 firsts and the rest were all top 4's.<P>Sunday we sat by the pool. WOW WAS THERE SOME ..um.. NICE ...um... YOUNG ...UM... LADIES AT THAT POOL. I have been out in this Kansas sun quite a bit in a tank top and I'm pretty well tanned. Well I layed out and I invented a whole new color of red on my chest and stomach. OUCH!!!!!! <P>Monday more poolside and then the dreaded drive home.<P>Trip was wonderful. I escaped reality for a couple of days and was able to put all of my worries (emotional and financial) on hold for a while.<P>We are going to try to come back out late July or August.<P>Go AV's.<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-<p>[This message has been edited by LostHusband (edited June 12, 2001).]

Bill,<P>I wish I would have known earlier that you were going to be in CO this past weekend. I drove out there Thursday of last week and came back Monday evening. I was staying with some friends in Westminster just outside of Denver, but also spent some time in Boulder, Estes and a bit further West on 70. <P>The drive from KC wasn't all that bad, except for the crosswind Monday afternoon around Hays. I thought of you a couple of times as I neared the Salina exit <P>It would have been cool to catch up with you in CO for one of those Fat Tires myself. I tried to reach CJ for a cup of Jo at Starbuck's, but I guess her voice mail must not have been working......<P><ahem> CJ, what happened to you this weekend? I was hoping to see my fellow Jewish friend in crime but you were nowhere to be found

Jayhawk,<P>Is that wierd or what. We drove out Thursday AM and got back Monday evening. Stayed mainly in Littleton area.<P>Give me a shout when your down this way and we'll see if we can round up some of the Fat Tires.<P>Bill

Jayhawk!<P>Don't be blue--don't cry. I waited for your call all weekend, but did not hear from you. I figured you were just having a good time and were not available for coffee. No biggie.<P>I was at the dog show until about 3pm on Saturday and 1pm on Sunday, and I had a pleasant afternoon at home on Sunday. Sunday evening, from 6-8:30pm I went bowling--I'm on a league! Yes, me--and my great average is 87! Anyway, I had my phone with me all day and night. <P>What happened, do you know? Did I just miss your call? Did you try to call? I guess I owe you a trip to Kansas, huh? Well...it is summer. I do have vacation time saved up.<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

What am I chopped liver here?<P>Talking about a trip through Kansas and don't even mention the Lost One. What's up with that?<P>From geography class you know that you can't get to where he is at without coming through where I am at.<P>Load up the Fat Tires. A LOT OF THEM. Swing by, pick me up, and we'll ROTFLMAO all the way to KC.

Sorry, Pate!<P>With a screen name like, LostHusband, I didn't think you knew WHAT state you were in, and I thought I could sneak it past you. <P>I'm sorry to confess that I know that Jayhawk resides in the lovely KC, but I do not know where the Lost One resides--other than the state of Kansas. Since Kansas is a BIG state with BIG corn fields, I thought you could be anywhere. Anyway, I did not mean to offend you--I just do not know where you live. Plus, I kind of owe Jayhawk a trip, don't I buddy?<P>Hop in the convertible--it's time for a road trip!<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Yes, that is very strange on the whole timing of our respective trips, Bill. I was near your neck of the woods around 3 in the afternoon Thursday and back through around 5 Monday evening. That wind in Western Kansas without the hills and trees to block it was horrible. Pretty nerve-rackig to have your SUV through from side to side without warning. Makes it hard to sleep <P>CJ, I called your cell Saturday evening right as the final game of the Stanley Cup was beginning. Your cell was busy the first time, then I hit your voicemail the second time. I even left you a message, along with the number I could be reached....must have been those pesky Buffalo wreaking havok in the Rockies!!!<P>No harm done, you just missed my smiling face

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jayhawk 93:<BR><B>That wind in Western Kansas without the hills and trees to block it was horrible. Pretty nerve-rackig to have your SUV through from side to side without warning. Makes it hard to sleep </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Try those winds in an extended conversion van. Talk about rockin. <P>FYI - CJ - Get out your map, I work in Salina and live in Tescott.<P>

Jayhawk,<P>Got any tickets to the fall NASCAR race in KC?

Sorry LH....It's a BIG no go on the tickets to the NASCAR races this year. The only way to purchase tickets for the NASCAR events is by purchasing the entire season pass. Single race tickets for NASCAR is not an option at this track, at least not yet.<P>I suppose if you are willing to pay an individual a highly inflated rate, you could tickets for a single event. Maybe in the years to come I will be able to justify the season pass, just not yet.

Jayhawk,<P>You won't believe it, but I got your message from this weekend THIS MORNING. Oops! I guess there was a little problem at the cell phone company--huh?<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

CJ,<P>Nice to see ya today. How is life?<P>Jayhawk,<P>We need to plan a Kansas get together.

Sorry LH, I've been away for a bit lately. A get together in KS sometime sounds great to me. Maybe we can find an establishment/event halfway between Salina and KC? Are you a sports fan, maybe football by chance? There's bound to be some sports bar lingering in the wheat fields somewhere!<P>Keep it in mind....