Haven't posted in a while. I've been hoping against hope that the skies would split open, the earth would swallow me up and by some miracle of God, I wouldn't have to deal with this after all...<P>I told him today that I am filing and he has agreed. Though he does not want it, he too is tired of the uphill battle. He is disappointed but he won't fight me. I cried and cried because I never wanted it to be this way but here it is. <P>He is WS, with many one-night-stands to his "credit". After plan Aing for months and dating each other, trying to build new, happy memories, I've realized I just don't have any fight left in me. I saw the end approaching a month ago when he lied to me again about being in a bar, with a young woman he works with, discussing "personal" stuff. He admitted the next day that he wasn't alone and said that he didn't tell me the truth right away because he thought I would "freak out" and he didn't want to upset HER. And he also added that he had "forgotten" about his promise to me that he wouldn't go out alone with women until/unless I felt completely comfortable with it BEFORE it happened.<P>Last weekend after playing a gig (musician) he "forgot" his cell phone in the car and wasn't reachable until the next day, 10:45 AM when he called me. All of his other gigs before this, since D-Day,and since we decided to try and work it out, he'd called me religiously at work, at home, letting me know where he was. Or coming straight to my place afterward (what I preffered). <P>I just give up. I'm too exhausted to battle every woman on the face of the earth to win his affection. I have a profound attachment to someone who really doesn't care about my feelings. He gets angry when I tell him I'm hurt by his actions. He twists my words around until they don't make sense to even me. <P>A friend wrote me today and suggested I get into counseling for myself. I have lost so many members of my family between the war back home and my mother dying here... maybe it's not love I really feel for him. Maybe it's just fear of losing yet another someone who is the only one who knows me anymore... <P>Still crying, still aching, but I feel oddly peaceful. Like something just died. Like something new is being born.<P>Thanks for listening.<P>Snow

Snow,<BR>You are not alone. My situation was a bit different than yours, but then end result is the same. My W and I divorced, and aside from losing her, I feel that I have lost more than half my family as well. I still have family of my own, but a good portion of my extended family has already passed away. The grief from losing the "family" connection from my wife's side was like reliving all the loss I have been through over the years. It was awful.<P>Based on the rest of your story, I applaud your efforts, but it seems like your husband really isn't giving this 100% "Forgetting" agreements regarding other women and not calling becuase he left his cell phone in the car just sounds like some weak excuses to me. You deserve to find someone who is going to show you more love and more respect than it appears this man is capable of doing. <P>It may take some looking, but there are good men out there. <P>Best of luck.<P>Jayhawk<P><BR><P>------------------<BR><I>We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.</I><P>~Joseph Campbell

(((((((((((SnowWhite))))))))))))<P>Welcome, sorry about the circumstances that bring you here.<P>There is a lot of good support here and a bit of fun thrown in too keep us all sane.<P>Cinderella is here too!! Check out her anniversary thread if you feel in the need of a few chuckles.

Yes, indeed Cinderella is here. And I'm glad you have come back to the board if you need us.<P>This is a wonderful place and through the friends here you will find much help.<P>

Thanks, all. Always good to feel like you're at least being HEARD. It's why when I have time I try to answer as many posts as I can, even if it's just ((((hugs)))). I believe those cyberhugs really do get through. I know I've felt them myself . <P>I'm feeling SOOOO much better, clearer today. I know that this is just another hill on the rollercoaster ride, but the hills get bigger and bigger while those dips are more and more shallow and shorter. <P>Jayhawk, the loss of family is the most profound sadness here. My H and I both lost our mothers and both of our dads have been absent fathers from day one. He really was the only family I have here. His half-sister, however, still considers me her "sister" and adores my children. I have a much-much younger brother living in the area but having just turned 22 who after school and work is not interested in much other than playing pool and hanging out with his buddies. <P>I guess I have to really, really look around and "create" more family. " Friends are the Family you make for yourself " I read that somewhere once and I believe it. Have to make "new" family. This idea of counseling for MYSELF is such a no brainer and yet something I didn't think of until this friend pointed me in that direction. <BR>Just to have someone else understand makes you feel like less of a... freak, for lack of a better word. <P>Hopeless, I'm on my way to the anniversary thread. Yes, I've come across Cinderella before and had to chuckle. All of these fairy tale charachters in therapy -- what a scandal at Disney's place!<P>Cindy, how'd you get your name? Snowwhite is my given name, translated from my native language, though not the name I use in "real life". My children, however, always believed that I was the "real" Snowwhite when they were little. Told them I still heard from the dwarves every now and then but that they were busy diversifying their gem mine conglomerate and settling labor disputes. <P>Snow<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Snowwhite (edited June 07, 2001).]

Hi Snowwhite!!<P>I decided to file for divorce after discovering that my alcoholic WS hubby was running an internet personals ad and dating the women he met through it while we were in counseling with Steve Harley.<P>You won't be so exhausted after awhile. If you are like me, a sense of relief will set it - along with some bittersweet sadness for what might have been...<P>--BR<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

Hi Snow,<P>I see you're a "left" coaster...me too. I think there's a few more of use from the upper left corner of the country running around here too.<P>I filed last November out of desperation...my ex's affair(s) and treatment of me were pretty much tearing me a part and I coulnd't take it anymore. I did make him "finish" it though...and that he did on May 4th of this year.<P>If you share children though...it doesn't really end with divorce as I am finding out. This is a great place for building friendships and getting advice...listen to the collective wisdom here...and take some time.<P>I look forward to reading your posts...and perhaps we'll see you over at "the kingdom" <P>Lisa<BR>(Walla Walla)<P>------------------<BR>I am woman...hear me roar...okay - meow...okay - purr? Hey, I'm working on it.

Hmmm... BR, "bittersweet sadness..." been feeling that for a while. Well, between bouts of weeping and throwing things. Yes, I suspect many of us are alike in that we marry because we love and care for someone and want to have a family. And all of those hopes so easily, callously and thoughtlessly erased by self centered actoins.<P>If things were the way he always TALKED about wanting them to be, this too might have been a nice life. I wonder why they try so hard to fool you. In counseling with S Harley and still sneaking around? Has half the planet gone insane and lost all sense of honor and dignity? Yes, mine is an alcoholic, too, though loathe to admit it. <P>I'm going to try and figure out WHEN I can afford to do my filing. Luckily, WA state (or at least King County, where I live) has the "do it yourself" option availavle for dissolution of marriage. Pick up the packet at the courthouse. They're mainly concerned with Parenting Plan and Distribution of Property. No property but the car and he's pretty agreeable about the Parenting Plan. You fill in the paper work, file for about $150 and it takes about 90 days. Also we're trying to avoid lawyers and put the $$$ to better use, like kid stuff. <P>I can't believe I'm talking about this!<P>Snow<P><BR>

Hi Lisa,<BR>We were posting at the same time, I see. I noticed a lot of us Northwest Corner folks here too. Wonder if it's the climate? Though Walla Walla is sunnier than Seattle. <P>Wisdom on these boards is right. I read and read until my eyes pop out some nights. It's amazing how similar some stories are, how diverse others. All leading to the same pain. <P>Got through most of the tour of the Kingdom this morning. Waiting for a good opportinuty to jump in. Maybe if you need a Princess in Exile, you know, to even the numbers out at the next royal banquet, you'll give me a holler? .<P>Snow<P>