Though many of the messages in this forum sound somewhat close to what I'm going thru, I was hoping for someone out there to shed some light into my life, or some more specific advice to my chaotic existence. Been married too long, 4 wonderful kids (2 of which are very difficult teenagers). Always wondering why did I marry so young and why this man?? and as stupid as it may sound my only answer is that I felt it was expected of me at the time and that he gave me a sense of security that I longed for (he's much older than me). Before we were married 1 year the 1st baby arrived and the others soon after. We never really had time to enjoy each other as we were so busy being parents. 16 years later I feel confused, frustated and empty inside. We have defenitely had our share of both, good and bad times... but this past year has been the worst we ever had. We fought over nothing and everything and each one started doing their own thing. H started a relationship on the internet, and of course I followed his example soon after. FOR ONE, for the first time in my life, I felt free, I could be myself and I really liked who I was. I enjoyed most doing things on my own. H and I grew apart as the months went by and the love died.<BR>FOR TWO, though I spoke with many different men, there is this very special one whom I became very close with... but we have never met. AND NOT FOR A SECOND do I base any of my emptiness on this. If anything, I see this last year as a waking up period as to what have I done with my life.<BR>And I am fully aware that 99% chances this relationship is all a big fantasy. Having said that, and feeling the way I do about H, I proposed to him to separate for some time so that we can both sort things out. He's dead set against it. At some point in his relationship with his GF he saw the light and now loves me and wants to make everything the way it was and he sure is working very hard at it. H is all over me and makes me feel very unconfortable. There was a point in my life that I really wanted him to be like that and it did not happened. Now I don't want it. I DO ACKNOWLEDGE the commitment and responsability I owe my kids but on the same token can't stop feeling like I have missed out on life and continue to do so. My questions<BR>1) Is separating and sorting things out good idea? <BR>2) Is it very selfish or too late to want more out of life?<BR>3) How can I stop feeling so angry, unconfortable, trapped <BR> and depressed with H???<BR>4) How can I do what is right and be happy???<BR>Please help....

<BR>Hello and Welcome to Marriage Builders!<P>First, I would like to share two links with you. Just click on the underlined links here, and read –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi10_tour.html" TARGET=_blank>Tour of Marriage Builders</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A>. <P>Please read everything you can on this site, post and read often!! <P>I have been betrayed and betrayer, so I have the dubious honor of knowing what infidelity does from BOTH SIDES of the situation. <P>I believe in the concepts espoused here, if applied properly. One idea that has worked *wonders* for some couples is Plan A. Read about it here –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What Are Plan A and Plan B</A>.<P>Use what you learn here to make your marriage a safe place where you do your best to meet the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> of your spouse,and avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> whenever possible. . When a decision must be made, use the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>POJA</A> to determine the final outcome that you can both agree upon.<P>Many couples find that counseling is VERY helpful, and the counseling provided here is excellent for several reasons; but the most important is that it goes along with the concepts here. Check it out here –> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counsel Link</A><P>Again, welcome to our community, and feel free to write often and ask lots of questions!<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino