My w of 11 yrs told me that her uncle passed away and left her with over 300,000 dollars the next day she told me she does not love me anymore and filed for d. She claims the money has nothing to do with it. I'm still living in the house with her and our 3 little girls. I made a deal with her that as long as i am still in the house i will put my full pay check in our joint account as long as she puts her full check in, yesterday I found a piece of paper from her bank (it fell out of her purse) it says amount received checks-$550.38, cash back $500.38, to checking account number $50.00 I asked her if she put her full check in our joint acct. she sayed yes then i asked to see her stub, she sayed i left it at work. now comes the Q should i ask her about the paper i found or just keep my mouth shut. (I am not in favor of this d but i have nothing to say because of the iowa divorce laws. Since she filed we had s 2 times I keep asking for it but she claims she does not feel like it thats been 2.5 months ago should i keep asking or not?<BR>thanks for any replys.

hi hawki,<P>Weekends get kind of slow on here so I thought I'd drop you a line. My advice to you would to consult a good attorney (I realize that's kind of an oxymoron) I am always sorry to see someone new here, but this is an excellent resource. Both for trying to save your marriage and also for protecting yourself. I would also advise against asking her for "s". She doesn't appear to be interested in meeting any of your needs right now, which is all too common in wandering spouses. Trying to coerce her in to meeting them is going to get you nowhere and could prove to be very devisive.<P>300 large is quite a sum, and since I know nothing of divorce laws in Iowa, I reiterate that you need good legal counsel both to protect yourself and your daughters. The money obviously gives her the financial freedom to pursue whatever lifestyle it is that she may be looking for right now.<P>Whatever you do, do not leave the house. Don't be the abandoning spouse. That is the worst thing you can do for your daughters. If their mother wants to leave, fine. That's her choice.<P>Bringing up the paycheck is a tough one. She has a responsibiltiy to meet her share of the financial obligations of the family. <P>Now is the time to concentrate on you and your children. I recommend exploring plan A or plan B, as appropriate.<P>Take care...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again<p>[This message has been edited by c00ker (edited June 10, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hawki1999:<BR><B>My w of 11 yrs told me that her uncle passed away and left her with over 300,000 dollars the next day she told me she does not love me anymore and filed for d. She claims the money has nothing to do with it.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>OK, the bequest may not have anything to do with whether your wife loves you, but it clearly had something to do with her filing for divorce.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>I'm still living in the house with her and our 3 little girls. I made a deal with her that as long as i am still in the house i will put my full pay check in our joint account as long as she puts her full check in, yesterday I found a piece of paper from her bank (it fell out of her purse) it says amount received checks-$550.38, cash back $500.38, to checking account number $50.00 I asked her if she put her full check in our joint acct. she sayed yes then i asked to see her stub, she sayed i left it at work.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well, at best, your wife is a slippery character. I suppose that technically, she <I>did</I> deposit her full check, even though she immediately withdrew most of it. Maybe she really did think she left the stub at work, but at this point I am pretty suspicious about her honesty.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>[B}now comes the Q should i ask her about the paper i found or just keep my mouth shut.[/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Dishonest people seldom believe in the honesty of others. If you confront your wife about the stub, do you think she's going to believe it just "fell out" of her purse, or do you think she's going to believe you were snooping? That's an argument I would rather avoid if possible, and avoiding it probably <I>is</I> possible, because your next bank statement should reveal enough for you to ask questions. If your wife doesn't confess at that time, you can always bring up the fact that you saw the stub then.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>(I am not in favor of this d but i have nothing to say because of the iowa divorce laws. Since she filed we had s 2 times I keep asking for it but she claims she does not feel like it thats been 2.5 months ago should i keep asking or not?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>If you haven't done so already, read up on Plan A (here on this site). Asking for sex is likely to be counter-productive at this time.<P>Don't expect Plan A to necessarily prevent your divorce. But neither filing for divorce nor being granted divorce has much to do with the state of your relationship. All divorce does is to disentangle your finances and your legal privileges and responsibilities. Since you have little control over the divorce process, I'd recommend that you be as cooperative as possible without compromising your own integrity, parental rights, and financial viability. In the meantime, work on Plan A. If you can be the kind of husband your wife wants, she may eventually change her thinking, either before or after the divorce is finalized.<P>Do you have any idea why your wife has decided she does not love you any more?<BR>