This is my first post on the DD board - I'm a long timer on the Infidelity boards.<P>My wife separated against my will last August during her "not an affair" with her best friend's husband. To my knowledge, it is still continuing. He has since filed for divorce and his wife has counter filed. They are well on their way. I've been implementing the MB principles and am currently ready for Plan B. I don't currently question her intentions because it always results in an argument, but her last stated plans were to file after our year of separation is up, "if not sooner."<P>She has recently become much nicer and we've had a couple of good family activities - the first in months. She seems to be cautiously allowing herself to get a little closer, but there's no discussion of any marriage related work. She has refused all offers of counseling since one session with Steve Harley last November.<P>My question: Is she setting me up for filing? i.e., she has always stated that she wants to remain friends and her recent warming trend, while seeming sincere, could be nothing more than her manipulation to soften me up before she files. She has never admitted her affair, so continued deception would fit her track record. She knows very well that I want to recover our marriage.<P>I would expect that near term filers could act in many different ways, but I don't know how prevalent the "nice" approach is. Seems very sneaky, but not out of the realm for alien abductees.<P>Thoughts?<P>WAT

WAT,<P>Who can say for sure...BTW thanks for the reply. I've asked myself the same thing of my situation. As you know, W has completely 180'd since the separation was final. I'm sure she did not want a challenge from me so she was "pleasant."<P>Now that I won't challenge for a while her true colors emerge. You're already aware that there is the potential so just be cautious.<P>dd<P>

wat, Sorry to see you here. I never posted to you before, but I followed your story on GQ. I moved over here last week. <P>Your wife might be warming because she has the idea, like many WSs seem to, that you could be "friends" after the D, to relieve her guilt. Who knows. On the other hand, having more opportunity to be friendly might give you a chance to plan A. What can it hurt to go along with increased contact and see if maybe things start to get better...

Hey WAT,<P>Forgot to say this...on the other side maybe you are letting your prejudice color your perception. She could be turning a new leaf...move with it for a while to get a feel.<P>dd

Hi Dave,<P>Welcome to D/D... .<P>In two words, I don't think you can gage what your W might be thinking... My W has done some similar stuff, and I've pulled my hair out trying to figure out what she wanted or what she was thinking. Finally, I realized that she herself had/has no clue of what she wants, so how can I figure out what she's thinking if she herself doesn't know it...??<P>Anyway, I'd say wait for <B>actions</B>, specific ones at that. If you see some tangible stuff (e.g. her suggesting counseling, or whatever), then by all means, grab that chance.<P>Until then, however, I'd lay low... I've thoroughly convinced myself that trying to "save" a sinking spouse is a waste of time, until such time that they cry for help (assuming they do...).<P>Good luck, and don't be a stranger .<P>AGG

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by LetSTry:<BR><B>wat, Sorry to see you here. I never posted to you before, but I followed your story on GQ. I moved over here last week. <P>Your wife might be warming because she has the idea, like many WSs seem to, that you could be "friends" after the D, to relieve her guilt. Who knows. On the other hand, having more opportunity to be friendly might give you a chance to plan A. What can it hurt to go along with increased contact and see if maybe things start to get better...</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>