What do you do when both partners want to be provided for financially? I have always worked many hours and the stress makes it hard for me to be as good of a wife and mother as I could be if not working 60 to 70 hours a week to make as much money as possible so my husband, (who also works many hours), can have all the "things" he wants. <BR>Are we just incompatible? How do we work this out so one person doesn't feel cheated?<BR>Feeling trapped and unfulfilled. Yet trying really hard. My husband has been unfaithful in the past and I'm trying not to have that happen again.<BR>We both grew up in families with working mothers, and I expect to have to work some, but this rate is killing me.

Quit the job!!!<BR>Cut back on your standard of living, so that you can enjoy life together.<BR>Read his needs / her needs and start doing for each other instead of for one.<P>------------------<BR>

I know that would be right for me, but believe me, my h doesn't think it is right for him so how can it be right for us when he feels this way. We have read the book, and he will agree to my going part-time in 2 years, but wants me to continue making equal money unitl then. <BR>How can 2 both win in this polar situation? Doesn't someone have to give in? How can I convince him that if we meet in the middle and I get the opportunity to work, but work less, that we both can win? He just sees a new car and a new boat that he doesn't want to give up. He thinks since he works hard, I shouldn't mind doing the same. But, he doesn't have as many responsibilities around the house, and can frankly let more things go undone than I can feel comfortable about.

I must agree with Tim. I don't know if I would actually go so far as to quit totally, but cut down to maybe part time. Maybe, you could sit down, and see what your budget would allow. Would there be some things that you would be willing to give up in trade for more time with your family?<BR> I DO choose to stay home with my daughter while she is young. And I am fortunate that my H's income will allow this. BUT I do have to give up on some of the little luxuries I used to indulge in. I can't go shopping every week, which I used to absolutely love. And, I have to keep a better budget and not go overboard on the spending, But to me, the trade off is worth it.<BR> Even though I stay home, I am not opposed to working mothers. For some women, it works out best. AND alot of times it is very necessary for a second income. However, I DONT agree with it if your H wants you to, ONLY to have all the "toys" and material things. <BR> Just make sure that things are not getting so out of balance that it is becomming a NECESSITY that you work. You asked in your second post: "Doesnt someone have to give?" It seems to me that you are the one giving in.<BR>Perhaps you could ask your H if he wouldnt mind putting in all the extra hours so that he can maintain the standard of living he desires. After all, it is HIS choice (according to your post) to have these luxuries. I feel he is being a little selfish expecting you go work 60, or 70 hours a week so he can have a new car and boat. When do you have to TIME to enjoy them? <BR> Maybe it would be wise for you to just sit down, and tell him that it is YOUR priority to spend more time with your family, and you choose to cut down on the working hours, so you can do so.<BR>Being able to spend the time with your family is more precious than gold, or a new car or boat. You can always get a car or boat in the future, but you will never get back this time to spend with your kids. <BR> If this is what you truly desire, try telling him these things, and be firm, and hold your ground. I really hope everything will come to a common ground and you both will be happy. Good luck, if you can, let us know how everything turns out.

I must agree with Tim. I don't know if I would actually go so far as to quit totally, but cut down to maybe part time. Maybe, you could sit down, and see what your budget would allow. Would there be some things that you would be willing to give up in trade for more time with your family?<BR> I DO choose to stay home with my daughter while she is young. And I am fortunate that my H's income will allow this. BUT I do have to give up on some of the little luxuries I used to indulge in. I can't go shopping every week, which I used to absolutely love. And, I have to keep a better budget and not go overboard on the spending, But to me, the trade off is worth it.<BR> Even though I stay home, I am not opposed to working mothers. For some women, it works out best. AND alot of times it is very necessary for a second income. However, I DONT agree with it if your H wants you to, ONLY to have all the "toys" and material things. <BR> Just make sure that things are not getting so out of balance that it is becomming a NECESSITY that you work. You asked in your second post: "Doesnt someone have to give?" It seems to me that you are the one giving in.<BR>Perhaps you could ask your H if he wouldnt mind putting in all the extra hours so that he can maintain the standard of living he desires. After all, it is HIS choice (according to your post) to have these luxuries. I feel he is being a little selfish expecting you go work 60, or 70 hours a week so he can have a new car and boat. When do you have to TIME to enjoy them? <BR> Maybe it would be wise for you to just sit down, and tell him that it is YOUR priority to spend more time with your family, and you choose to cut down on the working hours, so you can do so.<BR>Being able to spend the time with your family is more precious than gold, or a new car or boat. You can always get a car or boat in the future, but you will never get back this time to spend with your kids. <BR> If this is what you truly desire, try telling him these things, and be firm, and hold your ground. I really hope everything will come to a common ground and you both will be happy. Good luck, if you can, let us know how everything turns out.

I must agree with Tim. I don't know if I would actually go so far as to quit totally, but cut down to maybe part time. Maybe, you could sit down, and see what your budget would allow. Would there be some things that you would be willing to give up in trade for more time with your family?<BR> I DO choose to stay home with my daughter while she is young. And I am fortunate that my H's income will allow this. BUT I do have to give up on some of the little luxuries I used to indulge in. I can't go shopping every week, which I used to absolutely love. And, I have to keep a better budget and not go overboard on the spending, But to me, the trade off is worth it.<BR> Even though I stay home, I am not opposed to working mothers. For some women, it works out best. AND alot of times it is very necessary for a second income. However, I DONT agree with it if your H wants you to, ONLY to have all the "toys" and material things. <BR> Just make sure that things are not getting so out of balance that it is becomming a NECESSITY that you work. You asked in your second post: "Doesnt someone have to give?" It seems to me that you are the one giving in.<BR>Perhaps you could ask your H if he wouldnt mind putting in all the extra hours so that he can maintain the standard of living he desires. After all, it is HIS choice (according to your post) to have these luxuries. I feel he is being a little selfish expecting you go work 60, or 70 hours a week so he can have a new car and boat. When do you have to TIME to enjoy them? <BR> Maybe it would be wise for you to just sit down, and tell him that it is YOUR priority to spend more time with your family, and you choose to cut down on the working hours, so you can do so.<BR>Being able to spend the time with your family is more precious than gold, or a new car or boat. You can always get a car or boat in the future, but you will never get back this time to spend with your kids. <BR> If this is what you truly desire, try telling him these things, and be firm, and hold your ground. I really hope everything will come to a common ground and you both will be happy. Good luck, if you can, let us know how everything turns out.