My wife of two years this July 3, wants a divorce. I have not been the best husband, and on Saturday I went out drinking instead of going home with her. This is not the first time that I have chosen the alcohol over her, but I do not think that this should constitute a divorce. I have no idea of what to do, I expresses to my beautiful wife that we go seek counseling/and also I will get the help that I need with the alcohol. She says no, and also says that she has already contacted a lawyer. I have no idea of what to do, she is really a great woman, and thinking of having her out of my life is destroying me. What can I do to get my wife back. In the meantime, what do I do, she met me in a parking lot to give me my stuff. What can I do, I can hardly eat or think straight. I don't want to lose my marriage. Please advise. Thank you My wife is coming in an hour. I asked if she would just give me ten minutes, what do I say to her???Please help me

I'm not really sure you can say anything to her right now that will make her change her mind.<P>Just tell her again how much you love her.<P>Then start working on yourself. Get counseling, get help for your drinking. Start showing your wife that you are willing to change. But you must do it for yourself!!<P>Don't panic that she has seen a lawyer. <P>Read the stuff here about planA and start that right away.<P>Breathe, relax, one step at a time.<P>Stay as calm as you can when you see her. Tell you are sorry for your behavior and that you love her.<P>Do not beg her to stay at this point it will only push her further away.<P>Hope this is of some help. Good Luck and come back to let us know how it went.

Tell her you understand her position. And that regardless of what happens between you and her, you realize that you have some changes you need to make for yourself, and that you are making them. If you really are never going to touch another drop, you can say that. <P>Tell her that when she goes through with the divorce, you will try to go beyond fairness and all the way to generosity. And that you will make it a priority to understand what she had to do and avoid becoming bitter. And that you will make yourself available to the extent she wants contact. Mean all of it.<P>Tell her that you haven't been able to love her the way she deserved, but that you are still in love with her. And that you realize that the only way you can love her right now is to let her make her own choices. <P>Then let it rest.

Hi Rick,<P>It sounds like you have a problem with alcohol...and/or your wife thinks you do. <P>Have you checked into AA? It seems to me that the first thing you can do to demonstrate to your wife your willingness to do whatever it takes to get her back would to be to actually get help, regardless of what she does right now.<P>Show her that you are taking responsibility for your drinking problem.<P>90 AA meetings in 90 days...and if after that you decide that you don't have a problem...I believe there is a longstanding guarantee that they'll buy you the next drink! <P>Once you start getting yourself off the alcohol - you might want to consider what Dr. Harley calls Plan A. Which means becoming the best YOU that you can be. It means doing your best to meet your wife's emotional needs, if she will let you, and avoid love busting. Have you read the articles on the site? There is SO much here that can give you insight and a basis upon which to base a plan of action.<P>Good luck and keep coming back <P>--BR <P><P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>