I met a great guy. We've been dating a year and he's Christian. We talk about marrige, but both of us a worried it won't work out because of religious differences. Any advice?

Tread VERY carefully. Dr. Harley has a good article on the subject, and I think his take is good. My marriage problems are in no small part due to differences in religion. And my husb. is an atheist - you'd think he wouldn't care! But a lot of what a person believes is wrong or right is determined by what he/she was rasied with, and that is SOOOOO true. Not only do you have to look at HOW different your religious beliefs are, and how strongly each feels about them, you have to explore what the religion you were raised in taught you differently than your partner regarding morals, children, family, society, etc.<P>That's not to say this can't be worked out, it can, but you have to both be very open to each other, and not be TOO different, and maintain a sense of humour. Good luck!<P>Meg.

Thanks Meg. I've never done one of these response things. So this is new. I am trying to tread carefully, but love is in the way. He is very Christian and I am very not (but still spiritual in other ways). I guess you and your husband did decide to get married despite these differences. That does give me some hope, even though you said it has caused problems. What I'd really like it some statistics. What are the odds of success or failure? And how do I find that article on the web? The one Dr. H. wrote. Let me know, if you get a chance.

Hi Aeron,<BR>Your problem sounds like a similar one to mine. One article Dr. H wrote that may be helpful is http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5040_qa.html<P>My fiance and I are both Christians, and both pretty spiritual and strong in our beliefs. However, he is into more of a "Charismatic" church, and a lot of things about that turn me off. I was an non-Christian (in fact very uncomfortable w/ all things religious) for many years, so when I found my laid-back, contemporary church that has a young pastor that speaks what the word of God really means to our lives today, to help us with our lives and bring us joy and peace, it really helped me. But I liked the laid back approach and the "non-churchy" atmosphere.<P>Needless to say, as my fiance and I have been delving into this issue and trying to find a church we can worship at together, it is not going well. His types of churches seem real "religion-y" and almost fake, Robert Tilton-ish sort of places that make me VERY uncomfortable. And he finds the type I like to be, I guess, not religious enough for him.<P>Anyway, my point is this can be a real problem if it is important to both of you. If your fiance doesn't mind your views and doesn't mind going to church alone - and if you don't mind him doing so and can respect his views - then it could work.<P>But if you both want to be "on the same page" with this, it will be very hard. My fiance and I are still struggling on how to make this work, and to be honest with you I don't really know if it will or not. (My full post on this problem is in the PreMarriage & Early Years forum.)<P>If I can help any further I wuold be happy to.

I'm sorry, I just thought of one other thing which, unfortunately, may be distressing to you. Has your fiance ever expressed any struggles over marrying a non-Christian? The reason I ask this is that the Bible is very clear on Christians NOT marrying non-Christians. It definitely advises against being "unequally yoked," and if your fiance is a Christian, he is undoubtedly aware of this. Whether or not he has shared this with you, he probably struggles with it. I, as a Christian, would never even take a relationship this far with a non-Christian, and would definitely not marry one. This may sound harsh and I do not mean it in a judmental way, but because God advises against it and because it makes for a very difficult marriage.

Hi Shelly.<BR>Thanks for your reply to my email. On one hand, my boyfriend is very Christian and is in a bible study group and goes to a charismatic church ( both are foreign to me - - or are at least, too much so for me to participate in myself, but I suppport him.) He sometimes says (although with a slight sense of humor) that he believes there is only "one way" to go with regard to being a christian. <BR>On a totally different hand, he is totally in love with me, and doesn't really want to have to take the whole thing SO seriously b/c he knows he has found the perfect partner (except that I am non-christian, brought up in a episcopalian chruch, but decided in high school/college that religion wasn't really for me.). <BR>Thus, we are both confused. Being a couple is fine, but marriage is an uncertainty. I'm 28 and that bugs me. I should probably move on, but it's hard b/c we are in love for other reasons (both have a similar sense of humor, and on and on).<BR>So, it's generally a cross between being in love, but being afraid of working at it in a marriage. We won't have that "common ground". But does that "common ground" always mean religious similarity? I guess I'll read that article you mentioned. And thanks again!