My husband walked out 4 months ago. we have joint custody, but he has too much visitation. how can I now bring up something i've hidden about him, but only have told my lawyer? he physically abused me in front of my children several times. i always called the police for the protection of the kids, but never filed charges. can my young kids (ages 5 and 8) testify what he did to me? is that enough? my kids are scared of him too, but love him as their daddy.

Bully, my first thought is - leave the kids out of it. It's hard enough on them seeing what is going on. Children absorb it all and to put them through court and realistically making them choose between their parents is too much. Please ask your attorney for advice. I know it's hard, but try not to put your children in the middle.<P>Just my humble opinion. I will pray for you to have the wisdom to make good decisions for your future.<P>Cagney<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bully:<BR><B>My husband walked out 4 months ago. we have joint custody, but he has too much visitation. how can I now bring up something i've hidden about him, but only have told my lawyer? he physically abused me in front of my children several times. i always called the police for the protection of the kids, but never filed charges. can my young kids (ages 5 and 8) testify what he did to me? is that enough? my kids are scared of him too, but love him as their daddy.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bully:<BR><B>but he has too much visitation</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Bully, what does that mean? Why do you think he has "too much" visitation?<P>How is past spousal abuse where you didn't file charges connected to the amount of visitation with the children?<P>Spousal abuse and child visitation are two separate issues. The usual remedy for spousal abuse is to bar the abuser from the home from a period of time or until he receives proper therapy. It seems pointless to bar him from the home if he left of his own accord four months ago.<P>In PA, you don't need witnesses to establish spousal abuse. It can be established by a preponderance of the evidence, all the judge needs is to be 51 percent sure that spousal abuse has occurred. You don't need witnesses, your own credible testimony coupled with the police records is plenty. It doesn't matter whether or not you filed charges.<P>Spousal abuse is a field where I have training and expertise, and I would like to post on this. Could you expand a little on what you are trying to accomplish? What do you want the final outcome to be?<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper<P>

we have joint custody with me as primary. he gets them more weekends than i do in the summer because i am home with them all week- no school.<BR> only my lawyer knows about the abuse. we have not used it yet in our case. my oldest daughter has witnessed the abuse and is holding it all in. should i go ahead and bring it out? what will i accomplish or gain? thanks.<BR> also, i don't have witnesses, because i never told anyone, just my daughter saw him hit me several times. i have emergency room visits for broken ribs, and the police were called out, but i never pressed charges.

Oh yeah, if you have police reports (and pictures, I hope), I think they should be made known to the judge. Judges haaaaaate domestic violence almost as much as child abuse. Think of it this way: what is in the best interests of the children? Tell the judge you'd like to modify the visitation schedule. I get the feeling you're afraid of your husband, maybe that he'll hurt you again. That's probably why you let him have his way and granted overly generous visitation, am I right?<P>Blessings,<BR>Nell