Hey, that sounded like me several months ago, venting about men. <P>When I walked out (yes I filed for divorce and I was actually running looking over my shoulder) I left with my children, my clothes and my car, and whatever money was in my purse. I didn't want anything to do with him to such an extent that he now doesn't even have to pay child support. I don't regret that clause one bit despite what my friends say. A year later, I'm on standing on my own and doing very well, thank you. Single, alone, and I think I'll keep it that way awhile. Not because I'm still angry or bitter, but because I've learned a lot about myself and one of those things is that I like my independence.<P>Sorry, I'm getting off the subject, but the point is that it's not about gender/sex. You just happen to be in a lot of pain right now and it's understandable. Don't put up that wall around you just yet, or you'll have a heck of a time tearing it down later. <P>{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}<P>So sorry for your pain.

Kevin,<P>Very interesting post! Sorry to join in late, but I hope you are feeling at least a little better when you get this.<P>To Tex --- High five!!! To BrambleRose ---- you summed it up really well and Positive Bryan, I love your screen name (nice comments too).<P>I can agree and disagree with everything you said Kevin, and when I'm down and depressed about things I make similar judgements about men,but I feel it doesn't boil down to men and women, but people in general are very different from one another.<P>You seem to be focusing on a lot of statistics of why marriages fail, why it's a bad idea. But like someone mentioned, now look how much smarter you are, even relationships will work better with the skills you will learn here.<P>I am dating someone who seems to be anti marriage and even negative about women in general at times, mostly it seems to me when his ex is causing issues. It's hard to be on the receiving end of that treatment at times. <P>I am not sure exactly what I want, or if I am making the right decisions at times, but I try hard to think things thru first. There are lots of good women out there, and even less good men as far as I've seen.<P>Cheer up and hugs, Dana<BR>

I would never marry someone who had already divorced one man. It's not that I agree with the original poster, but if my wife goes through with it... I just don't have the energy or endurance to go through all that again. It's too painful. <P>On the other hand. The only good thing about my marriage is that I now have a daughter - who, so far, seems to be perfect. I would endure all the pain for that. And maybe that's the key if I find myself single again. The birth of a child is one of those things that is completely out of the box of comprehension. It is too big and wonderful to imagine. So, I would only remarry (if I become divorced) to have more children. That may seem wrong - and maybe it is. It's not that I think the child is more important than the wife, but that whatever happens with the wife is going to be much less important than the simple fact of a new person coming onto the earth.<P>Yeah, I was not going to post anymore...., but I couldn't help it.

First of all, FO1HO0, I am here to apologize for implying that I was continuing. I think you HAVE made good points, and I did sock it to you pretty good, but that's just how I feel. I have a boatload of resentment, too. There ARE a lot of women who are just that way....a great deal more are not. 6 billion people, 58% (or so, don't know current #s) are women. Lots of room for way A, lots for B-infinity. Just like men. And round and round she goes.<BR>Also, I appreciate your position on religion, as well. I think organized religion is a farce, but HEY THERE I GO, MIXING MY THREADS AGAIN <BR>Take care, I think you DO have your head on straight!

Hey Kevin <P>I hope all this has made you feel better. I believe everyone has valid points..... Please don't see all women vague and indecent.. There are women who have great qualities.You have been burned by your ex and that hurts.<BR>Just don't build a brick wall up becuase when you want it to come down it might not. It is fine to protect yourself and you should,,,,,,<BR>Good Luck to you Kevin you deserve it...<BR>...........JJ...........

Interesting....<P>Women general do the "caregiving"<BR>Men do the "career" thing<BR>Because i took care of you..........<P>Men because they are logical aren't as focused on childrens needs as a women would be. They look at rebuilding.<P>Affairs don't end your marriage.<BR>The problem that existed and left unresolved ruined your marriage!<BR>No one sex is better then the other.<BR>No one has all the answers or is perfect.<BR>No one can predict.<BR>Needs on both partied NEED to be met in order to facilitate a union.<BR>I'm sorry really i am but your hurting as are most of us.<P>Logic always escapes us when it does.<BR>I still have the urge to take flight.<BR>I would love nothing more then to get up and MOVE far away.<BR>My ex doesn't show any consistancy.<BR>I wonder all the time whats wrong with me.<BR>But i stopped blaming him.<BR>I failed at communication.<BR>BUT when i was trying, he failed at communication too.<BR>Just because you give an answer after the emotion is expressed doesn't mean that the problem is done.<BR>Statistically speaking women take more time.<BR>Men don't.<BR>Patience and acknowledgment and chacking on things are necessary.<BR>A couple days later you know last tuesday you were really upset and i wanted to know how are you now?<BR>THAT shows you listened.<BR>Even if the problem is still there you cared enough to ask!<P>Women are complicated, i should know.<BR>Chin up<BR>It all fades

father of 1,<P>You helped me immeasurably in the past, so I'm glad to have some feelings on this issue you've brought up. I agree with some of your points while disagreeing with others. I also went through a phase where I felt women were just not worth dealing with any more, and I felt happy with the possibility of being a single dad the rest of my life.<P>But I changed my mind. After I told my family about our (then) separation, my dad was pissed at my X. My mom was a bit too far gone to understand (she has since died). But what was interesting was what my two brothers told me separately later. They both had noticed how much I had grown during the 7 years of marriage, growth they had never seen in me before. They both gave my X a lot of credit for that, and you know, I think they were right.<P>I think no matter who you are, interacting with someone on an intimate level teaches you about people in a way that's tough to learn any other way. I think if women behaved the way we wanted them to, there'd be nothing to learn, and no work to do. What I learned about relationships is that they take <I>work</I>. I didn't go through that work until it was too late.<P>I think many people, maybe including you, can be quite happy single for the rest of their lives, and I would never try to convince someone to get married.<P>But I don't want to let this bad experience swear me off of half the population (and it's the beautiful part of the population to boot!). Even with the points that I agree with you about, I think I'm a better man to be able to live a happy life while providing my hopefully future wife a happy life too. I have to sacrifice some of myself to maintain a relationship, but for me, the payoff is more than worth the price. For other people, it's not.<P>At least now we both have a better idea of what to look for in a woman, and what to look for in ourselves.<BR>

Hi All,<P>I haven't had a chance to be on the puter since I posted a answer to this thread. I agree with alot of what is being said. I get kind of defensive once in awhile about my own situation. I agree totally that alot of women do have the cinderella syndrome. I work with alot of young women many whom have gotten married in the last few years. They had huge expensive weddings with lots of guests ect. They all said that after it was all over and the honeymoon was through and they were back to work that it was just like a dream. I tried to tell them that a big wedding doesn't make a marriage. (I guess a small one doesn't either because I was married in our apartment) So many of the women I work with are also very controling to their husbands. I think that goes both ways but boy they can nag. I was married to a nagger, I think he was the one who lived in a fantasy world most of the time and I was the one in reality. So in away I can see where you are coming from. <P>I think that times have changed so fast even from when our folks were married in the 50's and 60's. Now both spouses work. It used to be that men and women had thier roles in life. The women stayed home and took care of thier H and the kids and the man went to work. Now in a few short decades it has all changed and we being the transission(sp) generation we have yet to really redefine society's roles. <P>Until we do I think that there will continue to be alot of divorce. <P>Jill