THE CHICKEN AND THE HORSE<P>On a farm lived a chicken and a horse, and both loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.<BR>Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Z-3 series BMW. Finding the keys inside, the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy to see the chicken arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's car, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful car, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.<P>The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his erect member and lifted him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.<P>The moral of the story?<P>When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.<BR>

Biggest Mistake<P>God gave men a brain and a penis but only enough blood to use one at a time.<P>

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? <BR>Both of them. <BR> <BR>Why did the man cross the road? <BR>He heard the chicken was a slut. <BR> <BR>Why don't women blink during foreplay? <BR>They don't have time. <BR> <BR>Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? <BR>They don't stop and ask for directions. <BR> <BR>How does a man show that he is planning for the future? <BR>He buys two cases of beer. <BR> <BR>Why are blonde jokes so short? <BR>So men can remember them. <BR> <BR>How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? <BR>We don't know; it has never happened. <P>Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? <BR>They all already have boyfriends. <BR> <BR>What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? <BR>A widow. <BR> <BR>When do you care for a man's company? <BR>When he owns it. <P>Why are married women heavier than single women? <BR>Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. <BR>Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. <P>How do you get a man to do sit-ups? <BR>Put the remote control between his toes. <P>What did God say after creating man? <BR>I must be able to do better than that. <P>What did God say after creating Eve? <BR>Practice makes perfect. <BR> <BR>What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? <BR>They're married. <P>Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" <BR>God says: "So you would love her." <BR>"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" <BR>God says: "So she would love you." <P><BR>Come on, folks! A giggle a day keeps the Prozac away!<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

<BR>Keep 'em coming please!<P>> THE STOWAWAY <BR>> <BR>> A young woman was so depressed that she decided to<BR>> end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She<BR>> went down to the docks and was about to leap into the<BR>> frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her<BR>> tottering on the edge of the pier crying. He took pity<BR>> on her and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for.<BR>> I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I<BR>> can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of<BR>> you and bring you food every day. Moving closer he<BR>> slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll<BR>> keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy". The girl<BR>> nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? <BR>> <BR>> That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her<BR>> in a lifeboat. From then on every night he brought her<BR>> three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made<BR>> passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during<BR>> a routine inspection, she was discovered by the<BR>> Captain.<BR>> <BR>> "What are you doing here?" the Captain asked. "I<BR>> have an arrangement with one of the sailors," <BR>> she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe,<BR>> and he's screwing me." "He sure is,lady," the Captain<BR>> said. "This is the Mackinac Island ferry."<P>

SNORING DOG<P>A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring. "Yeah, right," she says.<BR>A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet, grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed!<P>Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.<P>The next morning, the husband wakes up hung over. He stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees a red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles. He shakes his head and looks at the dog and says, "Boy, I don't remember where we were or what we did, but, by God, we got first and second place!"<BR>

Okay...got this one in my e-mail and JUST HAD TO ADD IT TO THIS THREAD!!!!<P>The Hamster Story<P>If you have raised kids, and gone through the pet<BR>syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!!!<BR> <BR> Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:<BR> <BR> Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell<BR> me there was "something wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room.<BR> <BR> "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me.<BR> "Oldest trick in the book, son," I informed him.<BR> "You go in to see what's wrong with the sick one and the other one sneaks up behind you and bonks you on the head. Then they change into your clothes and escape." "I'm<BR>serious, Dad. Can you help?"<P> I put my best hamster-healer expression on my face<BR> and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking distressed. I immediately knew what to do. Call the professional.<BR> <BR>"Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!" "Oh<BR> my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies." <P> "What?" my son demanded.<P>"But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!" I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife. "Well, what did you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)<P>"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice).<P>"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.<BR>"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys," she informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, you think?)<BR> <BR>By now the rest of the family had gathered to see<BR>what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience!" I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of<BR>birth."<P> "OH, Gross!" they shrieked.<BR> "Well, isn't THAT just Great!" what are we going to<BR> do with a litter of tiny little hamster babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)<BR> <BR>"Well, when my parents' dogs had puppies, I took them up to the grocery store in a cardboard box and gave them away," I recalled.<BR> <BR>"So what are you going to do, go up with a pair of<BR>tweezers so people can pick out their hamster?" she asked. (Gotta love her!)<BR> ><BR> We peered at the patient. After much struggling,<BR> what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.<BR> <BR> "We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.<BR>"A breech birth," my wife whispered, horrified.<BR> "Do something, Dad!" my son urged.<BR> "Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed<BR> the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried again, with the same results.<BR> <BR> "Should I dial 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to<BR> know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with my females?)<BR> <BR>"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged. "I don't think hamsters do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing,<BR>but this boy is "of her womb", for God's sake.)<P> The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and<BR>peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.<BR> <BR>"What do you think, Doc, an epidermal?" I suggested<BR>scientifically.<BR>"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs.<BR>Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.<BR> <BR>"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.<BR>"Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This hamster<BR> is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy."<BR> ><BR> "What!?"<BR> "You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally,<BR> as they come into maturity, male hamsters will, master, er, er, ah..." He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."<BR> <BR> We were silent, absorbing this. "So Ernie's just ...<BR> just...Excited?" my wife offered.<BR> <BR> "Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More silence. Then my viscous, cruel woman started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.<BR> <BR> What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not<BR> believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless Manliness.<BR> <BR> Tears were now running down her face. "Just ... that<BR> ... I'm picturing you pulling on its ... its ... teeny little ... " she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.<BR> <BR> "That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the hamsters and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.<BR> <BR>"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me. "Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing into laughter as I gave her a dirty look. <P>(And women have the gall to go though the marriage<BR>ceremony with a straight face!)<P>

This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he would sell. The other farmer says, "Yeah, I've got this great rooster named Kenny. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem."<BR>Well, Kenny the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So he buys Kenny. The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barnyard, and begins giving the rooster a pep talk. "I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said with a chuckle.<P>Kenny seemed to understand, so the farmer pointed toward the henhouse and Kenny took off like a shot. WHAM! Kenny nails every hen in the hen house -- three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked. After that, the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen. Sure enough, Kenny is in there. Later, the farmer sees Kenny after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again -- WHAM! He gets all the geese. By sunset, he sees Kenny out in the fields chasing quails and pheasants. The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours.<P>Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day, to find Kenny on his back, stone cold in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful -- and expensive -- animal, shakes his head and says, "Oh, Kenny, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself."<P>Kenny opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, "Shhh, they're getting closer."<BR>

NOT TO OFFEND, but this was too good to pass up....<P><I>Fishing with the Catholics:</I><P>A priest took a sabbatical to a fishing lodge. On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in. The guide, holding a net, yelled “Look at the size of that SOB!”<P>Son, I’m a priest. Your language is uncalled for!<BR>“No, Father, that’s what kind of fish it is. A SOB!"<BR>Really? Well help me land this SOB!<P>Once in the boat, they marveled at the monster. Father, that is the biggest SOB I’ve ever seen. Yes, it is a big SOB. What should I do with it? Why eat it of course. You’ve never tasted anything as good as that SOB!<P>Elated, the priest headed home to the church. While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip. “Take a look at this big SOB I caught!" Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, “Father!” It’s ok Sister. That’s what kind of fish it is. "A SOB fish!"<P>“Oh, well then what are you going to do with that big SOB?"<BR>“Why, eat it of course. The guide said nothing compares to the taste of a SOB.” The Sister informed the priest that the Pope was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the SOB for dinner. “I’ll even clean the SOB”, she said.<P>As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in. “What are you doing Sister?” “Father wants me to clean this big SOB for the Pope’s dinner.”<BR>“Sister! I’ll clean it if you’re so upset! Please watch your language!”<P>“No, no, no. It’s called a SOB fish”.<BR>“Really. Oh, well in that case I’ll fix up a great meal and that SOB can be the main course! Let me know when you’ve finished cleaning that SOB.”<P>On the night of the Pope’s visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal, there was wine, and the fish was excellent. The Pope said, “This is great fish, where did you get it?”<P>“I caught the SOB!” proclaimed the proud priest.<BR>The Pope’s eyes opened wide, but he said nothing.<P>“And I cleaned the SOB!” exclaimed the sister.<BR>The Pope sat silent in disbelief.<P>And the friar added, “And I prepared the SOB, using a special recipe!”<P>The Pope looked at each of them. Slowly a big smile crept across his face.<P>“You f***ers are alright!!”<P><BR>

Password<P>A female computer consultant was helping a smug male set up his computer. She asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with. Wanting to embarrass the female, he told her to enter "penis". Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She almost died <BR>laughing at the computer's response: PASSWORD REJECTED.NOT LONG ENOUGH.<BR>

Wedding Dress<P>A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his mother with the following question. "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"<P>The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure."<P>The son thanks his mom and goes off to double-check this with his father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?"<P>The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."

What a woman says: <P>"This place is a mess! C'mon, you and I need to clean up, Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear, if we don't do laundry right now!"<P>"What a man hears: blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON blah, blah, YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!"<BR>

MEN'S THESAURUS<P>“I'M GOING FISHING"<BR>Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid,<BR>and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while<BR>the fish swim by in complete safety."<P>“IT'S A GUY THING"<BR>Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected<BR>with it, and you have no chance at all of making it<BR>logical."<P>"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"<BR>Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"<P>"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."<BR>Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.<P>"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"<BR>Means: "I have no idea how it works."<P>"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."<BR>Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."<P>"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."<BR>Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."<P>"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."<BR>Means: "Are you still talking?"<P>"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."<BR>Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the<BR>address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the<BR>vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever<BR>owned, but I forgot your birthday."<P>"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."<BR>Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."<P>"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."<BR>Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."<P>"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."<BR>Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."<P>"I CAN'T FIND IT."<BR>Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."<P>"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"<BR>Means: "What did you catch me at?"<P>"I HEARD YOU."<BR>Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just<BR>said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it<BR>well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days<BR>yelling at me."<P>"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."<BR>Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."<P>“YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."<BR>Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."<P>"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."<BR>Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."<P>“WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."<BR>Means: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."<BR>

The Secrets of Women’s Language ~ A must-read for any man ~<P>Keywords and their meanings:<P>”Fine”: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we<BR>are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how<BR>woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.<P>”Five minutes”: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes<BR>that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so<BR>it’s an even trade.<P>”Nothing”: This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” <BR>is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you<BR>inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an<BR>argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.<P>”Go Ahead” (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in <BR>a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.<P>”Go Ahead” (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want<BR>because I don’t care”. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go ahead” in just a<BR>few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in<BR>about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.<P><Loud Sigh>: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal<BR>statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are<BR>an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing<BR>here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.<P><Soft Sigh>: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are <BR>one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your<BR>best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.<P>”Oh”: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; “Oh, let me<BR>get that”. Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night.”<BR>If she says “Oh” before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit.<BR>She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes<BR>out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days.<BR>”Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a<BR>lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised<BR>eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that we can’t bring<BR>ourselves to write about them.<P>”That’s Okay”: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman <BR>can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard<BR>before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done.<BR>”That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction<BR>with a raised eyebrow “Go ahead”. At some point in the near future when she<BR>has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.<P>”Please Do”: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you<BR>the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing<BR>whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the <BR>truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.<P>”Thanks”: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you’re welcome.<P>”Thanks a lot”: This is much different from “Thanks”. A woman will say,<BR>”Thanks a lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you<BR>have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”.<BR>Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only<BR>tell you “Nothing<BR>

** My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.<P>** My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.<P>** A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.<P>** I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.<P>** What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.<P>** The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.<P>** When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.<P>** A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.<P>** Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.<P>** Any married man should forget his mistakes - there is no use in two people remembering the same thing.<P>** Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

SANDALS<P>This married couple was on holiday in India. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside, they heard a gentleman with an Indian accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop."<BR>So the married couple walked in. The Indian man said to them "I have some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex like great desert camel."<P>Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god that he was. The husband asked the man, "How could sandals turn you into a sex freak?"<P>The Indian man replied, "Just try dem on, Saiheeb." Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years -- raw sexual power!<P>In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Indian man, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Indian's thighs.<P>The Indian then began screaming, "YOU HAVE DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!!!"<BR>

<A HREF="http://www.flowgo.com/rsubf.cfm?id=hmrdrzqknSeloDhll&l=78&p=4233&d=06-25-01" TARGET=_blank>http://www.flowgo.com/rsubf.cfm?id=hmrdrzqknSeloDhll&l=78&p=4233&d=06-25-01</A> <BR>

<P>Thanks sWIFTTy!

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. <BR> <BR>They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" to which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son....Men use them to have safe sex." <BR> <BR>"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." <BR> <BR>He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package." The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday." <BR> <BR>"Cool!" says the boy.<BR> <BR>He notices a 6 pack and asks,"Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday." "WOW!" exclaimed the boy. <BR> <BR>"Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. <BR> <BR>With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. <BR>One for January, one for February, one for March........"

If you think life is bad.....<P>How would you like to be an egg?<BR>You only get laid once.<BR>You only get eaten once.<BR>It takes four minutes to get hard.<BR>Only two minutes to get soft.<BR>You share your box with 11 other guys<BR>But worst of all.<BR>The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother!<BR>So cheer up, Your life ain't that bad!<BR>