Hi, everyone, I'm new to this forum, and I have a question: Any advice when a husband wants a divorce to decrease possible tax liability? Here's the scoop:<P>My husband and I have been married for two years. He's 37 and I'm 40. When we married, the marriage penalty bit us, and we had to pay $3000. This year, we were bitten even more harshly because our income increased; our tax liability was over $6000. (We're not rich by any stretch of the imagination. We just don't have kids and don't own a home. Owning a home isn't an option for a couple of years.) And we just got hit for owing back taxes because of some income I forgot to give to my husband to include on the first tax bill we had as a couple. <P>I've agreed to pay the back taxes, and I've arranged for the money to do that from a small loan on my 401(k) (total liability was another $5000). We also paid $4000 of the $6000 from this year, and we both took on extra project work so we could pay the remaining $2000 of this year's tax liability over the summer.<P>My husband, however, is very concerned that we're going to be hit yet again with a big tax bill for 2001, in part because he thinks the IRS is going to impose a big penalty because we've owed taxes for the previous two years. He thinks divorcing would be the best answer because our incomes would then be separate--and lower--which would lead to lower tax liability. <P>He says he still loves me, and he can see us remarrying several years from now, but he thinks we should divorce so we can become more financially sound without incurring more debt from taxes. My husband has a lot of debt from student loans, and he's been working hard to pay those loans off and become debt-free by age 40. The idea of incurring debt and not being able to reach his goal really freaks him out.<P>As for me, I don't quite know what to think. I understand his concerns, and I'd like to work toward being debt-free, too. However, I don't think getting a divorce is a good idea. We've been having a rough patch (his mother's very ill, we haven't had sex in probably 8 months because he's not comfortable with his weight and stressed), but I've hung in there with him. It hasn't been easy to be married and celibate, but I've been committed to our relationship. I fear I'd no longer feel the need for that commitment if we weren't married and that I might end up seeing other people. <P>What a mess. I always wanted to be married; I never knew marriage could encompass so many problems. I love my husband. I want us to stay married. To me, it's just money, and we can get more money if needed. What we can't get so easily is a good relationship. Divorce, I think, will break the bond we have now; I'm not sure if I'll be able to get it back. I'm not sure he could, either.<P>Anyway, that's my little story in a nutshell. I haven't told anyone else about this situation. I feel embarrassed and ashamed about it, and I know my family and friends would not understand and would probably dislike my husband for ever thinking about divorce under these circumstances. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. Any advice would be much appreciated.

You have got to be kidding me? Please don't do this!! It sounds like the absolute opposite of "We'll get married when the bills get payed off". News flash, They never will be payed off. <P>Don't do it!. What happens when they repeal the marriage tax? They are talking about it now you know, as part of the Bush tax package. <P>Money is a thing. Things can be replaced. And a good wine takes some adversity while growing to become a really great wine.. There will always be money issues. Even if you win the lotto, there will be money problems. Stick to it, go the distance. Stop looking for a quick fix. <P>Have the fun is working it out TOGETHER!!<P>My .02$<BR>Tex.

No way! Divorce is not some easily reversible thing. It is a long lasting source of intense emotional pain & loss. <BR>It should only happen when 2 people absolutely feel nothing for each other, in abuse, etc. You both love each other.<P>Can you get financial counseling from somewhere reliable? Like some city credit counseling office? Do either of you have a flexible spending account thru work? Expenses like child care or medical costs not covered by health insurance can be deducted from your paycheck so you do not pay taxes on it. Also dependant care (his mother ?). When you actually incur those costs, you send in your receipts for reimbursement.<P>I think we invested in some sort of IRA account also & will not pay taxes on that. <P>Please do not even consider divorce as an option. Exaust all other choices.<p>[This message has been edited by cantletgo (edited June 19, 2001).]

Thanks very much for the responses. I'm not sure how the whole thing is going to turn out. My husband seems determined to divorce to decrease our tax liability and he doesn't seem to understand why I find the idea so disturbing. At least now I know I'm not the only one who thinks a divorce under these circumstances is a really bad idea. I'll keep you posted on what happens. Please pray for our marriage and that we're able to resolve these issues without splitting up.

<BR>Brown eyed gurl,<P>While married you can file either a joint return or a "married filing separate" return. Its perfectly acceptable to run it both ways to see which produces a lower tax bill (I'm ignoring the liability aspect of joint returns right now). While some couples hit the so-called "marriage penalty," many do not. You'd have to check your situation in detail. If I recall correctly, the recent Bush tax bill provided relief for this problem.<P>Here's a pointer to a discussion about the differences:<P> <A HREF="http://www.dtonline.com/pfa/joint.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.dtonline.com/pfa/joint.htm</A> <P>And for my biased view, I think divorcing to save a few bucks on taxes is a dumb idea.<P>Bystander<BR>

Hi beg,<P>Get a divorce to save on taxes??? Nahhhhhh....I ain't buying that. <BR>I think the man is depressed and maybe thinks he doesn't deserve you. So to avoid hurting you, he comes up with this lame excuse. Please try to get him into counseling to try to find out what is REALLY bothering him.<P>Your post hit me close to home.....a while back I had a bout of impotence (temporary, thank goodness) that had me SO depressed that I was trying to think of a "nice, gentle" way to get my wife to divorce me. I just wanted her to be able to find a "complete" man and be happy. I came up with some pretty goofy "ideas" too! Well, long story short, thanks to the combination of a terrific MD, the great folks here at MB, and my wonderful wife seeing right through my "plan", LOL. We are together and doing better than ever!<P>Sooo, brown eyes, best of luck to you getting to the bottom of this and healing your marriage!<P>Xman

Thank God for this forum. Talking here helps me feel less alone with my problem. Just spoke with H this morning. He's traveling back to the Midwest to help his mom, but before he left, he said he wanted us to decide this weekend "what to do about the 2001 taxes." That means he wants us to decide whether we're staying married or getting a divorce to lower our tax liability.<P>He got this idea about divorce from a friend of his whose parents did the same thing years ago. It's been in his head ever since. <P>I feel sick. I love him so very much. He is my best friend, so caring and loving. I know he doesn't see divorce as changing our relationship. I do. <P>I went online yesterday and checked out tax tables; I'm going to send those to him so he can have a better idea about our potential liability under the new tax package passed by Bush. (Can't say I voted for the man, but I do appreciate the lower rate of taxation!) Thanks for those of you who suggested checking. <P>Xman, you may have a good point about taxes not being the crux of the issue. My H went to a counselor recently, but the counselor told him he didn't have any issues with depression. Still, maybe he subconsciously needs an emotional break from me. Maybe he thinks I have too many problems or I'm too worrisome or he thinks he made a mistake marrying me or. . .<P>Or maybe he thinks exactly what he said, that divorcing would allow us to have lower taxes, which would allow us to work on reducing debt and becoming more financially sound.<P>I dunno. I can't do anything to change his behavior or his thoughts. I can only control myself and what I'm going to do. I'll say this: Marriage teaches you the meaning of faith in God and trust that His will shall come to pass. Although I'm concerned, I am not going to worry myself to death. God will work this situation out. And if my husband wants to divorce, that's okay with me. I have to release this problem or I'll go crazy. <P>And believe me, crazy is not an option.<P>Thanks for letting me write out my feelings and share them with each of you. Now I can go back to work. I'm praying I'll have something good to share by the beginning of next week.