First of all, she can stop this at any time. Second, she did not need to file to have an out. A legal separation, while spelling out the intended dissloution, is not a divorce. That is the way the system is SUPPOSED to work, at least in Illinois, where I am. Then again, you could lie about the separation date, and get a no-fault fivorce in about 15 minutes for $146. That's what my XW did. Your situation is a little like mine, she initially insisted that we could be separated, and still live in the same house. Okay, that takes care of the ugly stuff, and you want to know what to do to prevent all of that.<P>Please understand first of all that your marriage is probably already either over, or nearly so. It certainly has reached a fork in the road, to say the least. You have a major situation on your hands, friend. I know. I am sorry about that, I really am. Have you started a plan A? Have you read the articles here? Do that. Now. You stated that you abused your wife emotionally, and I'll bet you apologize alot for that, don't you? Stop that, she already knows that. I will give you two big clues here, and if you follow up on them, you will at least find out where you stand with her.<BR>1. She has NO RESPECT for you right now. Change that immediately, completely, and permanently. You need to be a person she can respect before you are a person she will love. Eliminate ALL of your Love Busters with great finality. DO NOT BACKSLIDE ONCE.<BR>2. Don't pursue her, talk about the relationship, apologize, or anything that points back to your marriage. Don't get confused here, you will want to do all of this, and your heart will justify doing them, and she will leave you. I'm not asking you to be mean, or distant, just don't be needy. It's unattractive to her now, and you have to change her image of you pronto.<P>Also, make sure you provide for her needs of caring conversation (You had better study communicating with women like you were cramming for a final...you are.), financial support, honesty and openness, and family committment. You should find ways of showing her affection that do not involve physical touching at first. Approach this with extreme care. If she hugs you, then hug her back...in a new way...find something here, man.<P>Remember that actions speak louder than words, don't promise her things...DO THEM.<P>I think that you are in pretty good shape. You have some control over how you react to her, but you don't have any control over anything else. Keep that in mind, stay the course...this takes time. I've only felt that I made some progress today, and my XW dropped the bomb in April...we D'ed on May 23rd...my head's spinning over it, so I know where you are at...I was there in March/April. Take it easy, you can do this. Think of the goal, okay?<P>Take care...I will pray.
