Just wondering how the new job is going?<P>Sending some good vibes your way, and continued healing for your heart and soul.<P>Hope all is well with you... <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

Hi Sheryl,<P>I still lurk...<BR>...but I'm putting in longer hours to make sure I'm up to speed at work.<BR>...and it's really cutting down on my time here.<P><B>but</B>...<BR>...the co-worker training me...<BR>...is seeing his marriage fall apart slow motion...<BR>...his W had a internet affair (like mine) a few years ago...<BR>...he thought things were getting better...<BR>...but now has fears she falling back into it!<BR>He's got to want to learn "POJA" and "honesty"... (recovery skills!!!)<P>...the sad part... he's not reading the copy of SAA...I gave him!<P>I hope he intends on learning from my experience as much as I am learning from him!<P>I'm OK...<BR>...just doing a lot of readjustment.<P>Praying for you too... Sheryl... <P> <P>Jim

Hi Jim, <P>You almost slipped off the page, but I didn't want to be naggy and pushy, so I let it go... and I am SO GLAD you found this...<P>Yes, it's so sad how you have this wonderful info that could HELP, and they don't want it... maybe don't want to admit... or accept... how bad it is, you know?<P>I worry about you... as a friend who has watched you... and as one of the old-timers who still hang about here... <P>Thank you for your prayers too -- I'm waiting for my own employment opportunity... newly married again, dealing with immigration concerns... doing good, trying to help where I can... not always successful.<P>Take care, and you are in my thoughts and prayers... always, one of the good guys. <P>

oops... I'm supposed to be just lurking but cannot let this one slip... maybe you announced it. <P><B>SHERYL GOT MARRIED!</B><P>Well, isn't that time to celebrate! Oh my gosh, you're remarried? Aren't you about ready to hit the road to California soon? Wow, a newly-wed... sorry, my fantasies have been going there lately but can't believe it can really happen and happen successfully. Didn't you say this guy/H was on these boards at one time so he knows the MB principles? Wow, how nice THAT must be.<P>So, all the best and I wish every happiness and God's blessings for you and yours...!<P>------------------<BR><I>As iron sharpens iron, so does one wo/man sharpen another...</I> Prov 27:17

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by OvrCs:<P><B>SHERYL GOT MARRIED!</B><P>[/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Gosh, thank you, OvrCs! <P>Yes, I actually met my H here, at MB. Yes, I agree that having met him here makes for a more successful foundation, since we both know what infidelity does to a marriage -- and most of all -- we DO use the concepts espoused here. I think we have a good chance to make this our final marriage. <P>However, to some, having met him here, before our divorces were final (as I've explained more than a few times, mine was filed, he was moved out, his (then)W had her OM moved in, yet they couldn't file yet because of laws in his country)... anyway, because they weren't final, it was tantimount to infidelity (I was called the OW, he the OM). As you might appreciate, that fact upset a few people. That's the reason I don't "announce" it... there are several who have been 'VERY HURT' by my choices -- people who post here.<P>I don't want to hurt anyone, and I also don't want to be flamed...<P>But, here you are, offering well-wishes, and how completely and wonderfully sweet of you.<P>Thank you!!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

Sheryl,<P>When all is said and done...<BR>...the divorce final...<BR>...the new marriage vows entered...<P>...your focus on a life... of commited Plan A-ing...<BR>...radical honesty<BR>...and full time commitment...<P>...you are having the fullness of a full love...<P>...be the best giver you can be...<BR>...take first and foremost from God.<P> <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited June 22, 2001).]

Yes, Jim, you are right, of course. Aren't you always!? <P>But you know me, never wanting to hurt...<P>...knowing full well that this does... <P>...and also realizing that I am not a bad person, perhaps one who's made some bad choices, but in the end, as you say...<P>The marriage vows entered. Yes, it is very, very important that these vows have been taken!! My H and I both believe in marriage... even after all the pain.<P>I will be, as I believe I was in my first marriage, honest ~~ and yes, committed, for the rest of my life. <P>This time I listened carefully to the words as I uttered them - "until death do us part" and "in sickness and health, for richer and poorer" -- and I cried throughout -- barely able to speak the words at times -- they were so powerful.<P>And yes, although we had a 'civil' ceremony, it was with a reverend, and we prayed and the rings were blessed, and we asked God to bless our marriage.<P>Thank you for the reminder of what is important!!<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Nyneve (edited June 22, 2001).]

nyneve, It was good to hear your story, or at least this latest chapter. You are one of the wise ones here. I always appreciate what you and the other "old timers" have to say. Congratulations on your marriage. I can understand why you would be hesitant to talk about it here, but I hope that now that you have made the commitment of marriage, maybe there will be more acceptance for your relationship.

Oh LetSTry,<P>Thank you... <tear> I'm so happy to see supportive messages... and of course, did not expect them at all...<P>

Well, again, I wasn't a part of the pain, though I'd like to read more about your story and that of your H's,... can you point me there or at least the time frame where I can search? I assume you were still New_Beginning at that time, no?<P>Anyway, I'm hoping you'll both feel the full blessings of God... honor Him, seek HIM and you will be full. Trust that.<P>And, now, aren't you going to California soon? How do you anticipate THAT being...<BR><P>------------------<BR><I>As iron sharpens iron, so does one wo/man sharpen another...</I> Prov 27:17

Hi again,<P>I was new_beginning for a LOOOOOONG time... not to be tooo creepy and/or cryptic, I will say that you'll figure out who my H is with a cursory check... I try not to point to him since his then-W posted here too, and their life before me was theirs alone. All I ask is that if you actually do a search and figure it out, that you don't announce it anywhere... Also, as a little aside: the hurt that some feel... it isn't a large group of people, but they are vocal. When you do a search, you'll see that I have been treated mostly with care.<P>My H and I went to CA last month, and it was WONDERFUL but too short. We weren't married yet at that time... wanted him to meet my family first. They loved him. I didn't see my ex. <P>I will be going back, alone, in July to see my kids, and my ex is going on vacation with his girlfriend (although he said tonight that there's probs with her again -- they've only broken up a half dozen times -- little problem with her asking for a committment when she's not divorced yet -- go figure). <P>Now, my ex has made no bones about the fact that he thinks our divorce was a mistake. He posted as 3wishes, back in the day, and if you read his stuff, you'll see that he was/is a very tormented man, and we had nothing in common except we loved each other. In the end, it simply wasn't enough. Not because of my new H... he came later. <P>It was just a series of events that led us together, and although, again, I have basically opened my heart and soul on these boards and shared every facet of what happened, still... there are details that have been left out... to protect him more than anything. My life is mine to throw out there, his is not mine to throw out there. <P>Anyhow, thanks for the well-wishes, again. Much appreciated.

<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002352.html" TARGET=_blank> A place to begin</A><P>Be sure to follow the link I offer in the message as well... it leads to the last message before I moved here... these two posts alone give the best picture...<P>And as an aside to this, <B>K</B>, in particular, did apologize to me for the harshness of his comments in the thread I have here. He knew my H's ex-W, and my H, and my ex-H, and always hoped both marriages would work out -- and believed they could have had my H and I not given up on our marriages. He was one of the "hurt" ones in this.<P><p>[This message has been edited by Nyneve (edited June 22, 2001).]

Hi, I've actually read both of these threads and I remember reading the one where you came back on after being absent for a while. 'K's' response did throw me a bit... now what I can't find are the threads where you started this new relationship? I remember what he said about your being her friend or something like that and then meeting her H through this... it's all very confusing and I'd like to straighten it out in my mind. I tried to do this once before looking this up but got so lost in the PLETHORA of posts you put up! <P>Anyway, I'll see if I can put the pieces together now. And, this is purely for me. I found it to be safe to discuss this with you on this post since it started with NSR - I hope you don't mind Jim that we're talking like this kind of incognito... I know the sensitivities and just want to get the full picture.<P>Cheers... off to my research now!<P>------------------<BR><I>As iron sharpens iron, so does one wo/man sharpen another...</I> Prov 27:17

Hi,<P>Just a quick note: you won't find "evidence" of our relationship, because we truly were not doing anything wrong while we were here -- well, I should say, he had left, his then-W had left, and I was left here alone making those plethora (how'd ya know that's one of my fav words?) of posts.<P>I was very confused all the way through... so I guess, you can look from about Dec 99-Mar 2000 to get a picture of where my head was (besides up my butt for awhile).<P>Happy hunting, and ask questions if you'd like... I'm tempted to email with you and just tell you who he is... but I'm torn... if you don't mind my asking, and I mean no harm in asking this, but why is this so interesting to you, do you think (besides the entire soap opera quality of it)?

Hi... Well, I just read a lot of your X-H's posts... wow, what an interesting side of the story he provides. Yes, it was difficult to read through his "streams of consciousness" but I recognized them. Why...? Because it's the same way my H approaches things... his last line in one about piercing the veil of love into the depths of intimacy - it was about your wanting intimacy and him not for fear of the confusion it would cause... I'm RIGHT there babe. You X-H sounds a lot like my H - only skip the PAs (I think - he denies it anyway). I know there have been EAs - women who he was emotionally attaching too.<P>C'est la vie... I felt sad reading about that... knowing where you are now and the journey you've been on. I like happy endings... and in a sense, it's not so happy for David. I hope you're happier. AND, it's got to be the least happy for your kids. I hope you can maintain your relationship with them... God protect them please from the pain this divorce has caused. I don't want to heap any guilt, I'm just trying to recognize the pain.<P>It sounds like you're well on the road to recovery... yet you're still healing as well as you pour over your past. I'm sorry Sheryl for your pain... I hope you find the true peace you're looking for and deserve!<P>G'night,<BR>Nicole<P>ps - I don't know why this is so interesting to me... maybe it's a God thing. It struck me back in March, when I started posting... I saw you "re-enter" the scene and became about as absorbed on that day as you were responding to all those people. I just watched, then I've kind of tracked with you as you make statements. I don't know. Now after reading about David... it was kind of spooky to see that he thinks a bit like my H - but my H has enormous self-control that it sounds like David lacked. So, if you want to write, here's my "junk" email and then I'll respond from my real email box: NAKinfotogo@aol.com - cheers!

Sheryl,<P>I didn't know you were married, either! I had not seen that posted, but by no means do I have the time to keep up with everything and everybody here.<P>No matter what, my wish for you and your new H (teehee, I have no idea who he is, either!) is happiness and a successful relationship. There has been enough pain in all our lives, and everyone deserves a slice of peace and happiness. Like me, you are still trying to learn. I am beginning to think that this is a life-long journey, and there is no end-point at which we can say that we know and understand and live fully all the principles and dynamics of successful relationships.<P>I can definitely say that since you came back, I see that you are helping alot of people with your honesty. Every person here has made mistakes. I can say that with conviction, because we are all human. With God's help, we can learn from our mistakes and become better people. <P>Wishing you a truly fulfilling marriage this time, Sheryl!<P>God bless, Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Roll Me Away (edited June 23, 2001).]

You know what Nicole, I'll let you navigate through whatever you feel is important for you... I won't bother you with the email, because maybe you "need" to pour through the postings and find what you're looking for ~ for understanding.<P>I do know what you mean about David and his lack of a happy ending. What I KNOW, is that up until two weeks ago, he was saying he still loved me and wanted me back. He has been soul-searching, and realizes "his part" in the demise of the marriage now. It's been said before, but I inadvertantly Plan B'd him by leaving, and boy, did he realize what he'd lost.<P>He still has his last OW, although he said yesterday that something is coming to a head this weekend ~ who knows, because he's said that about six, seven, times before. It isn't my business or my problem anymore. I want him to be happy, she doesn't make him happy, I hope he finds someone who does. <P>My kids -- well -- sigh -- they are (so far) doing good. My girls are TRULY fine, they say, and even my son says so too, but... I worry about him most. Their dad, who never was in their lives much, is just now taking some positive steps to healing WITH THEM. It might be "too late" for the girls, because he ignored them for their entire lives, and when he wasn't, he was being such an idiot, so often.<P>David was truly an enigma. His writing suggests a brooding, tormented spirit, a poetic soul in search of peace, but his LIFE, well <hrumph, snort> it was something utterly in contrast to that. <P>I am sure, if you continue your search, that you will figure out who my H is. His (then)W posted too, as I said. They are both highly intelligent people, great writers, and interesting, easy reads. Like I said above, finding "evidence" will be all but impossible, since the real relationship stuff began after the posting here was done (when the marriage ended and he left). Again, I ask for your confidence in the naming, because, not that it matter to our situation NOW, but it does matter to their situation then, and he would rather it not be scrutinized to death -- and especially not discussed on the boards. He (or she) is not here to agree or refute it, and both have "moved on" themselves (obviously).<P>I guess this is the price for being so brutally honest... I remember times over the years when I found out little tidbits of info like this (though nobody is EXACTLY like this, now are they?) and doing a bit of research myself. So I do understand your curiosity.<P>As long as the information you find is treated with care (like a graveyard with real souls in it) I give you my blessing to continue -- not that you needed it, mind you!

Wow, Desi!!!! <P>Hello!!! Gosh, it's good to see you!!!!! <P>Yes, well... I try.<P>I have nothing but time on my hands these days~ I can't work yet, and my H works full time, so I have made it somewhat of a quest to help. I don't know if it does or not, you know?<P>I do know that you, as well as many old-timers, know how much I loved David. That's a comfort. A twenty year marraige ... that's a long time, doncha think? It deserves some respect, despite the pain of it's ending.<P>As you can imagine, I did not enter into this union lightly either. I plan on being a good wife (don't we all?) and using what I've learned.<P>Thank you for the kind wishes... hope you are doing well too?!<P>Love, Sheryl<P>

Yes, to all of your questions. I was there and walked through your entire ordeal with you. We both started posting on here within one month of each other, although I had been reading for several months before I became a poster.<P>Thanks for asking about me. I am doing great. By that, I do mean that I have been able to accept the failed marriage and move on in the sense that it no longer consumes my life. I still spend time thinking about it, just like you do. It is the only way we can process what happened and understand the parts we can change. <P>As I have posted before, I do have a BF, now. We have commited to each other, but we are not engaged or getting married yet. We have talked about future marriage. It is comfortable and frighteneing all at the same time. I feel comfortable and trusting in this new relationship. He is also a former BS, so we share that (what a thing to have to share, but, hey, he understands alot of things I feel or say). It is scary from the perspective of "I was comfortable in my past relationship (my marriage) and look how that ended!" <P>On one hand, I think that is my fear speaking to me. Fear of having to ever go through any of this again. On the other hand, I think I am smarter, wiser and 1000% more attentive to things I would have taken as "givens" before going through all of this. This old dog has learned and is still trying to learn some new tricks! Hey, I am enjoying this new relationship, and truly don't let the fear rule my life. I am still working hard to learn and grow, and that is AOK. As I said earlier, it is a life-long journey and I am happy and loved.<P>Wishing us all the best!!!!! Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Roll Me Away (edited June 23, 2001).]

Sheryl<P>prayers & happy thoughts<P>I wish you nothing but the best.<P>