Had anyone been through this?<P>We were together for over 12 years, separated for two. <P>We care a lot about each other, and we learned to communicate and understand each other better, and to be much less co-dependent.<P>And still, mosty we communicate on the phone or by e-mail. And still he claims he wants to be alone.<P>How to break the wall? How to get together again? What to do and what to avoid? How to suggest but not to push?

ILM really there is nothing you can do.It is entirely up to the other party. Sad but true. I am in a similar situation. After hearing that my husband didn"t want a divorce I decided to talk to him and he said that he had to think and la di da di da. Ok you have to want to be married as well as the other (husband). A marriage is a commitment between two people and you can"t make a marriage work by yourself. Frankly I think that my husband is scared of me!!!!!!!!!!(LOL). Know that if you and your husband don"t get back together somehow you have to muster up the strength to go on and give him what he wants. Men sometimes don"t have the guts to say what they really want for fear of hurting you. They can"t hurt you more than what they already have. Ask him what he wants and give it to him. I was willing to give my H. another chance because of what I heard but now since he is brain -stagnant, I am going through with my divorce so I can really move on if you what I mean!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Simply put, if he doesn"t want the marriage , take him to the store and cash him out. August

Thank you, August!<BR>You know, most of what you write about I understand. Yes, I do give him what he wants -- freedom, separate living, chances to help me and communicate intimately when he needs it.<P>The truth is that the I decided for myself that if I love hime as I claim, I sjould be giving him what he wants. Actually, that is how we started many years ago -- I only wanted to do good to him, I didnot even suspect I was falling in love with him. That was unconditional. I am learning this art again.<P>Living separately is a very good and convenient thing. What hurts me is that still there is a barrier -- I know I can't ask certain questions, I can't hug or be hugged.<P>And like you, I know he is still afraid f me. You know, I understand him very well -- I learned how to walk in his shoes, and it is awful! He is nuch more kind and generous toward me than it is reasonable after my behavior.<P>Living together and being together are very different things to me. I need the second one.