Friends, it's time to rally... Bumper stated something exceedingly significant about his son on another thread that I didn't want to get buried... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The only way I was able to stay half way sane through the process was to accept responsibility for my own actions, regardless of anything my ex did or said. There is nothing an ex spouse can do, good or bad, that will change the fact that children need two parents. No matter what was going on between us, I accepted the responsibility to do my best for my kids. That responsibility never changes until the kids are shoveling dirt in my face. And that responsibility isn't affected by anything the ex does or fails to do. It just makes it easier to see it in that light.<P>My youngest son, 30 years old, has congestive heart failure. He is totally disabled, he is terminally ill, and the doctors think it will eventually kill him. His condition worsened this week, he just got out of the hospital again this morning. On the way back to his apartment, we stopped and I paid to get his prescriptions filled. That is what a parent does, it is a parent's right to do these things. <P>Here's an idea for anyone who questions the need for child support. You figure out a way my son can live, and I'll gladly figure out a way to make your child support payments.<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thinking <B>of</B> you and praying <B>for</B> you and your son...<P>Blessings and peace,<BR>Nicole<BR>T<P>------------------<BR><I>As iron sharpens iron, so does one wo/man sharpen another...</I> Prov 27:17

((((((((((Bumper))))))))))<P>When I started a thread to you on Father's Day, I just KNEW you were a caring, committed parent! No matter the ages of your children! A childs age does not negate our obligation, the way I see it. I don't the right words to say except you and your son are in my prayers, I'm so very sorry, stay strong and you aren't alone!<P>Please keep in touch and let us know how you are both doing. Isn't this your belated Father's Day with another one of your sons? Give him a big hug and hold on tight!<P>In awe of your strength,<P>((((((((((Bumper))))))))))<P>Ragamuffin

Ragamuffin said it -- <P>In awe of your strength!!!<P>And, you are absolutely right, besides: Our children are our children until the day we die.<P>Prayers going right up for you and your family...<P>~Sheryl

Bumperii, I'm so sorry to hear this. Is there really nothing that can be done? Heart transplant even? He's so young. How hard this must be for you. Please keep us posted. You and your son are in my prayers.

My thoughts are with you and your son as well.<P>You are a loving and devoted father!<P>Take Care.

(((BUMBER)))<P>Pretty easy for us to lose sight of the important things in life while we're riding this coaster.<P>You are a true inspiration.<P><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Dear Lord,<P>Please be with Bumper and his son today. Surround them with Your gentle, precious love and grace. Give them Your strength and wisdom to act or make the decisions that they need to.<P>Just hold them close to You right now. Let them know in a REAL way just how much You love them. Help them to draw close to You during this difficult time. <P>Thanks, Lord. You're the best.<BR>Amen.<BR>Mrs.O<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Bumper}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Bumper's Son}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>

OvrCs,<P>Thank you for your concern and kind words. I hope the idea got across to those posting on that thread.<P>Ragamuffin,<P>Good to hear from you. Yes Father's day continued through Friday night. And it was great. All the wonderful food and all those cards attributing credit to me that no one could possibly live up to. Oh, lord, even the ex wife came to that dinner. I had a lady with me that I've been dating for the last couple of weeks. The two of them struck up a conversation, and chatted non stop for three hours. Sometimes I don't believe this is all happening in one life time. With all the kids and grandchildren, spouses and in laws, there were sixteen of us there. My youngest son, just out of the hospital, brought along his magic stuff and kept the grandchildren entertained with his slight of hand.<BR>Thanks for your thoughts.<P>Nyneve,<P>Yes, yes, indeed they are. Many people don't realize it, but one never loses responsibility for ones children. It is the only place in our law where authority and responsibility are not commensurate. When the kids reach legal age, you lose authority over them, but not responsibility for them if they are in need and incapable of taking care of themselves. Wouldn't have it any other way. Don't be too much in awe of that strength, until I found this forum, I was down on my knees, desparate for the support I found here.<P>LetSTry,<P>We became aware of our son's conditions about three years ago. The doctor's gave him five years to life if he had a transplant, and five years to live if he didn't get one. There have been some new developments, and during this last stay in the hospital, the doctor said they should rethink transplant as an option. Thanks for your kind words.<P>Hope, Lost, Mrs. O,<P>You are all very kind. I don't think I've done anything that any one of us posting here wouldn't have done as a matter of parenting. It has been ingrained in us for at least the last four thousand years with ideas like: "A child is forever a member of his father's household." and "A father's house if alway open to his children. It matters not if they are grown and married, natural affection establishes the father's house as an asylum from the troubles of the world."<P>Love you all,<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper

Bumper, <BR> <BR>I have a word of encouragement for you. My aunt had congestive heart failure and lived for quite a long while with it. Yes, she was an adult lady, and no she did not play soccer, but we had many years with her for which I am so VERY, VERY grateful. It was such a gift to have the opportunity to get close to her and spend time with her. Even the simplest things and every second seemed precious. Eventually, she did die, but we had the gift, and I mean literal GIFT, of spending each minute with her as the significant time that it was. And we were so very lucky, because she did live a long time--longer than anyone thought she would. <P>I'm sending this word of hope to you, not thinking of a medical miracle or anything--even though there are significant breakthroughs in medicine every day. No, it's a word of hope because you have the chance to know that every second with your son is a gift to be appreciated and cherished. <P>Like you, I have a son, and I can not imagine how you must feel--I don't even want to imagine. But come what may, spend every precious minute possible with your son and love him, and when you are flagging come here and we will lift you up. Hey, it's a "bumperii" job, but somebody has to do it!! Heehee.<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Dear Bumperii,<P>You are truly a wonderful person. An example of where all our children need to be in our lives. Your son is fortunate to have such a loving father and I am sure you are proud of your children. <P>Thank you for refocusing our priorities during these tumultuous times. All the A's in the world should not remove us from the love and care we should be extending our children. Not out of obligation but out of true love, the kind that transcends all other feelings. <P>Sure wish we could get that message to all the Ws's out there. <P>Take Care and we'll be praying for your and your family. <P>L.<BR>

Hi CJ,<P>Thanks for popping in, sure appreciate the concern. Congestive heart failure is a general term that covers a myriad of medical problems. The condition my son has was caused by a virus, and it developed quite suddenly. The essence of it is that his heart expanded to the size of a volley ball, but instead of healthy muscular tissue, it is now weakened flabby tissue that makes up his heart. It functions between eleven and seventeen percent of normal.<P>The shock hit everyone like a ton of bricks. My son was the first one to get a handle on it. Even though he is totally disabled, he is still able to take his comedy act and magic show to alcohol rehab centers, and he regularly performs at a coffee house - alcohol free night club here in the city. He is an amazing kid, even with all his trouble, he reaches out to help others. On his 30th birthday, they threw a party for him, close to two hundred people showed up!<P>So far, he has opted not to seek a heart transplant, but with the new developments, we are praying he will change his mind. You are right, where there is life, there is hope. Thanks again.<P>Prayers and stuff, <P>Bumper

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Orchid:<BR><B>Sure wish we could get that message to all the Ws's out there. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hi Orchid,<P>Couldn't agree more with you on that one. In revealing this part of our lives, it was hoped that some of the folks posting on the original thread might get the idea, both the betrayed and wayward spouses, both the custodial and non costodial parents. I suppose if one takes care of one's own because some law says you have to, it will get part of the job done. But there is something higher here, natural law. Even the two birds that took over my spider plant hanging pot for a nest seem to know that they have to take care of their offspring. If those two birds can figure it out, why can't we?<P>Thanks for the kind words.<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper <P>

My prayers go out to you as well. I can't even imagine what you are going through. Thanks for posting so that everyone can refocus on what is truly important right now - the children!!!

Hi Bumper ~<P>I've been thinking about you and I don't know, just felt funny about posting on this topic publically. But I didn't want you to think that I had ignored this.<P>I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through with your son. I watched my parents lose their daughter, my sister, and I know that they suffered far worse than I did. I look at my own babies, and pray to God that I outlive all three of them.<P>If you'll email me at bramblerose_mb@yahoo.com with your son's real name, I'll ask my friend, a Benedictine monk, to add your son, you and your ExWife to the daily services at the St. Mary's abbey in Morristown. <P>--BR<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>