<BR>Not really sure how to react to STBXH's very nasty attitude as of late.<P>I want to continue to be considerate and polite, but faced with nasty comments and snide remarks and downright BS statements made to get a rise out of me ... <P>One friend advised that I need to be more assertive (or in his words, a witch) or he would continue to treat me like this. <P>I wonder if that wouldn't just antagonize him into being MORE bitter and pain-seeking.<P>Some of the things he's doing:<P>- says he sees me in a guy's car at lunchtime - when presented with facts about my whereabouts, he said he only made that up to see how I would react<P>- won't let me talk to the kids on the phone, hangs up on me, and then threatens to say I'm harrassing him when I call back to ask to talk to the kids again<P>- accuses me of things I haven't done, of having ulterior motives when I do ANYthing, of following/stalking him if I happen to see him in town<P><BR>If I have facts to disprove anything he accuses me of, he just switches gears and finds fault with something else.<P>I have given him hours and hours of parenting time with the kids that he was not entitled to, trying to show that I am NOT all about taking them from him even though I do want physical custody, and now that our summer schedule is here, he won't let me see them so much as two hours during 'his' weeks ... even though he knows there was supposed to be parenting time for the other parent as it was discussed with our attorneys present with the Friend of the Court conciliator, it somehow is missing from the actual order and since it is not there, he won't let me see them.<P>I HAVE NEVER GONE SEVEN DAYS WITHOUT EITHER OF MY CHILDREN. It is killing me to not be able to see them. I stayed home with them for the four years prior to me moving out, I took a job in November when STBXH lost his job and wouldn't go look for another. I've worked ever since, and he's only worked two months in all that time. I rent a townhome and am buying a new car, and he is living with his parents even though I left our home and he could live there. No one to cook and clean for him there, I guess. Oh, and watch the kids during his parenting time, as I often see him out alone during 'his' time with the kids.<P>I don't think I can continue to be civil. Any ideas?

No need to be witchy. <I>Passive aggressive</I> might be a better strategy. <P>Get used to giving him even <I>less</I> information about your whereabouts, etc. Vague, vague, vague. After an initial flare up, he'll learn that he can't get your goat. <P>Does he think you're following him? Don't bother denying, just say: "Not as much as I want to because you're so slippery ... and it gets boring too ... I'm trying to cut down so that I can have a life." <smirk> Again, he can't get your goat, and you've gotten in a couple of digs without being overtly angry or nasty.<P>Have the kids call <I>you</I> while he's out and about. Are the grandparents under instructions not to allow the kids to spend any time with you when he has them? They might welcome a break now and then.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by T-L-C:<BR><B><BR>Not really sure how to react to STBXH's very nasty attitude as of late.<P>I want to continue to be considerate and polite, but faced with nasty comments and snide remarks and downright BS statements made to get a rise out of me ... <P>One friend advised that I need to be more assertive (or in his words, a witch) or he would continue to treat me like this. <P>I wonder if that wouldn't just antagonize him into being MORE bitter and pain-seeking.<P>Some of the things he's doing:<P>- says he sees me in a guy's car at lunchtime - when presented with facts about my whereabouts, he said he only made that up to see how I would react<P>- won't let me talk to the kids on the phone, hangs up on me, and then threatens to say I'm harrassing him when I call back to ask to talk to the kids again<P>- accuses me of things I haven't done, of having ulterior motives when I do ANYthing, of following/stalking him if I happen to see him in town<P><BR>If I have facts to disprove anything he accuses me of, he just switches gears and finds fault with something else.<P>I have given him hours and hours of parenting time with the kids that he was not entitled to, trying to show that I am NOT all about taking them from him even though I do want physical custody, and now that our summer schedule is here, he won't let me see them so much as two hours during 'his' weeks ... even though he knows there was supposed to be parenting time for the other parent as it was discussed with our attorneys present with the Friend of the Court conciliator, it somehow is missing from the actual order and since it is not there, he won't let me see them.<P>I HAVE NEVER GONE SEVEN DAYS WITHOUT EITHER OF MY CHILDREN. It is killing me to not be able to see them. I stayed home with them for the four years prior to me moving out, I took a job in November when STBXH lost his job and wouldn't go look for another. I've worked ever since, and he's only worked two months in all that time. I rent a townhome and am buying a new car, and he is living with his parents even though I left our home and he could live there. No one to cook and clean for him there, I guess. Oh, and watch the kids during his parenting time, as I often see him out alone during 'his' time with the kids.<P>I don't think I can continue to be civil. Any ideas?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sisyphus:<BR><B> Don't bother denying, just say: "Not as much as I want to because you're so slippery ... and it gets boring too ... I'm trying to cut down so that I can have a life." <smirk><P>Have the kids call <I>you</I> while he's out and about. Are the grandparents under instructions not to allow the kids to spend any time with you when he has them? They might welcome a break now and then.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>1.) If I don't deny, he counts it as an admission of guilt, and has used many of these non-denials as ammo against me -- he is very manipulative. Knows how to make me squirm, and I hate it. I try to just laugh when he says something ridiculous.<P>2.) The kids are too young to call me, and even if they were not, Grandma would not let them. She is ten times as nasty as her son. She has hung up on me more than he has, and lied about me to my kids, and more. I shudder to think of the evil my children are exposed to when with her. I would honestly give him MORE parenting time if it specifically excluded HER. She does not treat my children equally, and one of them hates to go with Daddy because of it.<P>It is just a very painful time for me right now. I don't know what happened to my husband. Was he always this person inside, or is the current man a result of mommy's control?

<BR>What happened is what I was afraid would happen. The kids come back, very happy to see me ... but almost immediately, it's all about Grandma ... she lets my son do whatever he wants, and he is angry at me for not letting him run the house when he's home ... and my daughter has been treated like a lower life form for a week, so she's angry as well ... the kids fight like crazy and give me attitude and it is SO hard to remember that it isn't what I'm doing that's making them that way ... I'm made to be the bad guy once again, when I don't let them have their way. I feel like crap because I have to be the meanie when they are just acting out for what they've been through for the past week ... and I've got to deal with this ALL SUMMER LONG!!<P>This is how it was when we had them for four days at a time, and they were switched back and forth so much. They had calmed down SO much since the temporary order had them living with me and they had consistency and order in their lives!! Now I've had to throw them back into chaos. He won't let them continue to go to their familiar day care and won't let me see them ... this is so not fair to them and all he talks about is how I want to control HIS time with them ... it isn't about ME!!<P>Sorry, vent over.<BR>

<BR>Yesterday my 6 y.o. son was very angry with me. I had put about a dozen crayons in a box and a coloring book in the car for traveling. So, a handful of his 100's of crayons accidentally got melted in the hot car.<P>My son told me he was going to tell the judge that I destroyed his crayons on purpose ... I asked why ... he said so the judge would be mad at me and he could go and live with Grandma (again, not Dad, but Grandma) ... <P>What the **** is STBXH telling these kids!!?<P>I am so angry and hurt. What kind of person would try to turn a child against his mother?<P>STBXH is the one who filed, and told our children it was MY idea and MY fault ...<P>STBXH filed false police claims against me right in front of the children, who saw everything and KNOW what Daddy said wasn't the truth ...<P>STBXH denies the abuse that the children saw with their own eyes ...<P>Why this nightmare?

Grandma is the one poisoning these kids minds. Doting and permissive, she is probably hypervigilant for any bad behavior on your part so that she can keep the kids and raise them according to <I>her</I> standards, with STBXH having all the access in the world and <I>you</I> cut out of the picture as much as possible. She's turning the kids into tiny spies gathering evidence against you.<P>You're looking at parental alienation syndrome. Jump on the problem <I>now</I>, before it's too late.

I agree, sounds like parental alienation. You DO have legal recourse. I suggest that you post your story over on the He Said/She Said forum at <A HREF="http://www.divorceonline.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.divorceonline.com/</A> <P>Theres several people over there that are dealing with Parental Alienation, and can probably give you very good advice.<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

<BR>Thanks for the advice, I have posted on the He Said She Said board like you suggested.<P>On a different note, I saw my psychologist tonight. My son waited in the lobby most of the time, and at one point he knocked and came in. My doc asked him a few questions, and after he left again, he told me that it was a GREAT sign that my son wasn't afraid to speak positively of his dad and grandma in front of me, and that I must be a GOOD MOM as far as not making my son feel like he can't say good things about them in front of me. He said he didn't think my son would be as comfortable talking about me in front of them.