<BR>I have had a hard time with my 4 teenaged children since this mess. Do not usually post anymore...but this really struck a cord with me....and I e-mailed this to my 4 children, two of who still live at home with me. Wonder whether I will get a response from them?<P>I have always been the disciplinarian while their father tried to be the good fun guy. Of course when he left over 2 years ago to be with dumbo, he abdicated all parental, financial and emotional responsibility, leaving me with 4 mixed up and VERY ANGRY teens, who were not allowed to express their feelings to him....so they did express them at me physically and verbally. The confusion has always existed for them in that I tried to lay the parental boundaries which H very subtly and manipulatively undid....so yes the kids have been confused. They all acknowledge that I am their parent and not their friend (which I have never tried to be and certainly would not choose to be...at least for many many years when a more adult relationship can perhaps develop,)All the children state that their dad is their frind!!!! <P>After over 2 years I do believe that things do have a way of working out....for my children and myself.... <P>Anyway....I believe that this is an intereesting article:<BR> <P>June 22, 2001<BR>More teens lashing out at parents, study saysAdults too lax: author<BR>Tom BlackwellNational Post<P>Teenagers seem to be punching, kicking, threatening to kill and otherwise abusing their parents in increasing numbers, partly because permissive mothers and fathers are not keeping a tight enough rein on their children, says a new Health Canada study.<BR>Terrified parents should stop treating their offspring as friends and equals and begin to act as the loving authority figures they are supposed to be, says the report by Barbara Cottrell, a Halifax-based researcher.<BR>She also says society has hidden and downplayed "parent abuse," much as wife battering was treated two decades ago, and must begin to shine a spotlight on the phenomenon.<BR>"The abuse usually begins with verbal abuse. For most parents, the abuse is a daily occurrence that follows a pattern, usually with the child showing no signs of remorse or guilt," said the study.<BR>"We have to break the silence that surrounds it. Because parent abuse is still not recognized, it is often considered acceptable behaviour."<BR>The report, submitted to Health Canada earlier this year, is a follow-up on Ms. Cottrell's first examination in 1996, which was based on interviews with more than 100 parents, teenagers and child- welfare experts in Nova Scotia.<BR>To prepare the updated report, which had been requested by the Health Canada, she interviewed another group of parents and social workers.<BR>Many professionals believe parent abuse is increasing, the new study says. But police and shelters keep no statistics on the phenomenon and, outside of the study, there has been little research on the problem, Ms. Cottrell wrote.<BR>Dr. Michael Seto, a psychiatrist at the Toronto-based Centre for Addiction and Mental Health whose specialities include young offenders, said he did not know much about the subject and could not name an expert who would.<BR>"It's not studied widely," said Dr. Seto.<BR>The report said both boys and girls can be abusive toward their parents, but mothers are more likely to be the victims, perhaps because they are seen as more vulnerable.<BR>The physical abuse can include hitting, slapping, kicking, shoving, breaking things, punching holes in walls, throwing objects or spitting. They can also engage in psychological and emotional "terrorism," which includes threatening to injure, maim or kill their parents, yelling and swearing, and playing mind games.<BR>The report also cited financial abuse, such as outright theft from parents, selling family possessions and demanding their guardians buy items they clearly cannot afford.<BR>Children sometimes lash out at their parents because they have never faced clear rules and guidelines for their behaviour, the study says. The lack of control can leave the teenager fearful, prompting them to misbehave, wrote Ms. Cottrell.<BR>Parents of the baby-boom generation often feel they should treat their children as friends, not as dependents who need their authority and guidance, the study said.<BR>The report recommends that parents set clear limits for their children and enforce them resolutely. When abuse happens, they should consider calling police, which has proven to be an effective deterrent, said Ms. Cottrell.<P><BR>Copyright © 2001 National Post Online <BR>

I had this as an e-mail and it seemed an appropriate response to the kids who abuse their parents....<P><BR>Don't Mess with Mom<P> <BR>My son came home from school one day, with a smirk upon his face. He'd decided he was smart enough, to put me in my place. "Guess what I learned in Civics Two that's taught by Mr. Wright? It's all about the laws today, The "Children's Bill of Rights." It says I need not clean my room, don't have to cut my hair. No one can tell me what to think, or speak, or what to wear. I have freedom from religion, and regardless what you say, I don't have to bow my head, and I sure don't have to pray. I can wear earrings if I want, and pierce my tongue & nose. I can read & watch just what I like, and get tattoos from head to toes. And if you ever spank me, I'll charge you with the crime. I'll back up all my charges, with the marks on my behind. Don't you ever touch me, my body's only for my use, For your hugs and kisses, that's just more child abuse. Don't preach about your morals, like your mama did to you. That's nothing more than mind control, and it's illegal too!Mom, I have these children's rights, so you can't influence me, Or I'll call Children's Services Division, better known as C.S.D.<P>Of course my first instinct was to toss him out the door.<BR>But the chance to teach a lesson made me think a little more.<P>I mulled it over carefully; I couldn't let this go.<P>A smile crept upon my face; he's messing with a pro.<BR>The next day I took him shopping to the local Good Will store. I told him, "Pick out all you want, there's shirts & pants galore. I've called and checked with C.S.D., who said they didn't care If I bought you K-Mart shoes instead of those Nike Airs. And I've canceled that appointment to take your driver's test. The C.S.D. is unconcerned so I'll decide what's best. I said "No time to stop and eat, or pick up stuff to munch. And tomorrow you can start to learn to make your own sack lunch. Just save that raging appetite, and wait 'til dinnertime. We're having liver and onions, a favorite dish of mine. " He asked, "Can I please rent a movie, To watch on my VCR?" "Sorry, but I sold your TV, for new tires on my car. I also rented out your room; you'll take the couch instead. The C.S.D. requires just a roof above your head. Your clothing won't be trendy now, and I'll choose what we eat. That allowance that you used to get will buy me something neat. I'm selling off your Jet Ski, dirt bike & roller blades. Check out the "Parent's Bill of Rights", It's in effect today! <P>Hey hot shot, are you crying, and why are you on your knees?<BR>Are you asking God to help you out, instead of C.S.D.?<P>

Thorned Rose:<BR>Thanks for the reply and e-mail.<BR>I think that not having to "comprmise" with the other parent and hold firm led to a lot of the behaviour towards me....<P>They expected me to roll over and play dead...I did not, not to their father and friend, and not to them!<P>The younger 2 still live with me....and would not dare this again as I have told them I will call the police...and they know I will. The older 2 who are away at school still get angry and do not quite get it....but they will learn that I am not there for them in a way that I would have been in the past. Of course they then run to dad and play me off....and the difference is after over 2 years of this mess, and 3 and a half years where their father has abandoned them emotionally due to affair/relationship, I do not care what they do in this regard. If they cannot behave towards me respectfully and appropriately,then I am not there for them in any shape or form.<P>This they will learn...or not...they know the choice is theirs