Sorry for the sarcasm!<P>But, I am beginning to think that my XH is kind of sucking me dry. I have no problem with giving him comfort and support. I have done it for 13yrs. thus far. He has always come to me when the chips were down. <P>He is unable to make a commitment to me regarding "us". This is okay, I do realize how much turmoil he is in. I really think I need to take a step back and even stop talking to him for awhile. <BR>It seems that he is leaning on me so much, I am advising, loving, caring, basically doing all the things I did as a wife. I am not his wife anymore. At this point I am acting in the role of wife, without any commitment from him. I am putting my life on hold for him. I still love him and am "in love" with him. I think that he loves me as a person, but not "in love" with me. I don't him to come back to me for the comfort and support, I have way to much love to give and deserve the same in return.<P>His actions today and lately have been speaking volumes to me. I have set a Dr. appt. for therapy for me, and church on Sunday! <P><BR>Can he find the true love for me again?<BR>I am sure no one can answer this. I am just really disheartened right now.<P>I am leaving the office right now, going out for dinner with the girls!! <P>Thanks for listening<BR>Petrie<BR>

Hi Petrie...<P>So sorry to hear about this. I can relate though, my H seems like that's what he'll do when we do finalize the D. So sad... it's like that song on Meatloaf <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I want you<BR>I need you, <BR>but I'm never gonna love you<BR>now don't be sad, 'cuz 2 outta 3 ain't bad...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>That sums it up, they may want and need us but they'll never have that 'in love' intimacy with us again. I was just thinking the same thing as you in terms of making some space and creating some distance so that I'm not so easily accessible... I think it's called Boundaries!<P>I hope you had a good time with the girls tonight! I'm off to L.A. tomorrow night for a conference and I hope to get some perspective on things myself AND have a little fun!<P>Cheers!<P>------------------<BR><I>As iron sharpens iron, so does one wo/man sharpen another...</I> Prov 27:17

Thanks for understanding<BR>OVRCS!<P>I had a great time with the girls on Friday night.<BR>Hope your weekend was a good one too!<P>Spent Sunday with XH. It was very enjoyable. We discussed boundaries, etc. It is sticking to these boundaries that is the toughest. My heart doesn't understand!!!!!<P>Thanks again,<BR>Petrie<P>

Petrie,<BR> Hi, I have been reading your story, and I have to respond! God loves you, you are showing your agape love, which I think is more natural for women. Probably has to do with the role of Mother.<BR> Anyway, I don't necessarily share your dim view. There is no force on this earth as powerful as a man with a broken and contrite heart. The question with these men, IMHO, is whether they can set aside their pride. Difficult for a man in society these days, especially when most will agree with him, and praise him for his efforts. Pride leads to anger, and anger to sin. There you have it. When we are given the signs that our pride is too much, we tend to get angry about it, which shuts down our cerebral cortex, and the limbic system takes over....this explains the hedonistic lifestyles these men (and women) live...too much drinking, spending, promiscuous behavior, etc. Pray for peace for him, and for you. God wants this to work, too, but he can't just zap him in the head, there's that whole free will thing in there.<P>Keep the faith, Petrie, and don't talk ill of him, or his lifestyle. The iniquity of it is that you feel like you are supporting him, and you shouldn't because you want the marriage to be restored (FIXED, I mean.). That is not his goal right now. I'd say that love bank deposits should STILL be made. When the balance is sufficient, his eyes will open, and you'll get your chance then. Don't give up the ship!<P>I am a spiritual person, not a Bible thumper. The Bible lays it out so well, but it is a big book about a lot of things, so the nuggets are hard to find, unless you spend time every day reading it cover to cover. I'd recommend that you do that, if you are okay with it. I also read other religions texts. There is so much that they have in common!<P>Take care, Petrie...do not despair, your prize is coming to you in ways you don't understand, and cannot forsee...this is the way God works in us, and through us. When you have suffered a little, He will restore your life. Trouble is, what's a little? His little, His time, not ours.<P>I am praying for peace in your life. I'd like your marriage restored, if that is what you and God want.

Thank you so much, W_F_H<P>My view really isn't so dim, it is just my impatience.<BR>I have to focus on this all happening in God's time and if it is his will. I will continue to show the love, comfort, and support to Greg. I don't think I could stop it anyway, no matter what happens, as it is just the kind of person I am.<P>I appreciate the support<BR>Petrie<BR>Not giving up the ship! <BR>

Petrie,<BR> That not a problem, but I do wish I had taken the time to post in your thread earlier. Sorry about that, but I'm here now...not going anywhere anytime soon.<P>Patience is something I have to consciously invent daily. It is my area of extreme lack, and I am working on that. I have not said anything to my XW about the OM since she 'revealed' him. I did (duh, not exactly Holmes...it was obvious to ALL!) figure it out, and ask her...she denied it (duh, again!). I have stopped talking to others about it, but that does not stop some of them...divorced themselves, with more baggage than I have! I avoid those people like the plague!<P>No, I don't imagine you could stop supporting him, that's what I meant about agape love. What is happening is a (much) scaled down version of what happened to Jesus, the truest example of agape love. You are being persecuted, and rebuked by things done by him. He has no character, and yet he attempts to right his actions by dragging you down. Love him anyway in the only way you can now.<P>God's will is that marriages work. You have taken the vows, you hold fast to the committment, he sees that. Make yourself the best woman you can be, and if you want, he will send you a husband (sounds corny, but I believe it with all of my being). Hopefully it will be the same one, but...who knows? You are doing all of this for you (in the hopes that it turns his head, no harm in that!), and God sees that...I know that we here do...GOOD FOR YOU! Good for us! Good for him, but he is BLIND right now.<P>Take care, Petrie, and be strong! (BTW, you can fly...I've seen ALL of your movies a million times!) God bless you. I'm praying.