I posted this on Recovery, but I would really like your advice too.<P>Well...its been almost 5 mos since they saw each other, but he called her 4 wks ago. I think I've reached a point where I can't taking things anymore. I can't stand him/his appathy/his not trying/...I can't stand me... I can't stand our marriage. <BR>I'm thinking some time away might do me some good. I'm thinking about taking a trip for a few days(3-7) by myself to regain some of my sanity. <P>Here's why I am having a hard time.<BR>1. H will start seeing OW while I'm gone.<BR>2. I'll like the time away from him.<BR>3. He'll find out he likes the time away from me.<BR>4. I haven't been away from my 5mo old for that long.<P>I want to go in hopes that he will miss me, he'll appreciate me more, he'll find out that being a single father is harder then he realizes, and that he really want to put some effort into working on our marriage when I get back.<P>So, do you guys think that a trip is a good idea? The other thing is...Where do I go? I need some suggestions on a destination.<P><BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig <BR>and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun."----Matt Groening<BR>

How about a trip together ... without the kid. To a marriage retreat?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by connorsmom:<BR><B>I want to go in hopes that he will miss me, he'll appreciate me more, he'll find out that being a single father is harder then he realizes, and that he really want to put some effort into working on our marriage when I get back.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Going on a trip and hoping for this is setting yourself up for disappointment. <P>IMHO here is what may happen:<P>1. He will miss you but probably not like you want him to miss you. He will miss his cook, dishwasher, laundress, and maid.<P>2. He will tell you how much work he had to do while you were gone and will expect you to appreciate him more!<P>3. He will want to even the score and take his own vacation.<P>Getting away is a good thing if you go just to destress for awhile so that you come back ready to really work on the marriage. Dealing with a new baby and a WS is no doubt very stresful.<P>So my advice is to go if you want some time to rejuvinate but don't expect H to be all remorseful and on his knees begging forgiveness. More than likely he'll be ready to go on his own vacation!!<P>BTW.....for me being away from my babies for 7 days would have been unbearable for me. But that is just me.<P>Take Care.<P>

The whole point is to destress yourself, but you won't allow that. Trying to assume what he will feel/do IS YOUR PROBLEM! Don't you see that? Perceived negative outcomes, and you are still doing it! Leave it be. Do what is good for your soul, and quit overanalysing his end of it. He is counting on that!

Well, since I just got back for a "trip for myself," I think I can provide some insights.<P>Although my motivations were different (I took the vacation I always wanted to on the one year anniversary of Ex's first weekend with OM), I can see where you're coming from, and why you should <B>not</B> go.<P>Here are your reasons, and my rebuttals:<P>"1. H will start seeing OW while I'm gone."<P>...and every single day, you'll be thinking about that fact. Do you really want to spend your time alone thinking about them being together?<P>"2. I'll like the time away from him."<P>Maybe so, but you'll be more worried about what <B>he's</B> doing than what <B>you're</B>doing. You'll be spending your time lonely, rather than spending your time alone. There is a big difference.<P>"3. He'll find out he likes the time away from me."<P>He's been there, done that. The mere existence of an OW should tell you what he likes to do with his "time away" from you. Do you want to give him more of this time?<P>"4. I haven't been away from my 5mo old for that long."<P>That's not surprising! Most new moms can't stand to be away from their baby for too long...there is a good reason for this! What bothers me is your attitude, if I may be so blunt. You seem to be saying: "I'll just leave him alone with the baby and let him see how tough it is to take care of a newborn!"<P>Do you really want to use your child to "teach him a lesson?<P><BR>My advice would be: Take a weekend for yourself. Just a couple of days, rather than a whole week. Maybe head to a spa or a resort of some kind, and don't go too far! Sit by the pool, get a massage, a facial, etc. Take two days to take care of yourself and relax. Not so long that he will have to decide if he misses you, and not so long that you will miss your baby.<P>

You're all right! <P>I think I'm moving to the angry phase of recovery. I want to go off and have fun and let him deal with the everyday crap. I want him to wonder what I am doing and where I am.<P>I still have a very hard time letting go. I want to know 5W and H about him. I'm trying to be more independent because I think we are heading towards a Divorce. He just won't talk to me about what is on his mind. I don't want to be blindsided again.<P>Yes, the trip was probably out of spite. But the sound of getting away for a couple days does seem awefully nice. CJACK, maybe I will go just for a weekend or like SIS said a retreat for both of us. Thank you guys. I can always count on you to bring me back to reality.