Hi gang,<P>I have been busy lately. Had an arts/craft show this weekend. and YES I'm only tolerating also. I really don't know what to do. Right now I'm kinda duuulllllll to it and keeping busy. Like I said before so much to miss of each other....<BR>didi

Someone passed this story along to me. I hope it wasn't because she thought my own life is THAT obviously messed up. Anyway here it is for whatever it's worth...<P>>Here is a TRUE anecdote about Neil Armstrong...<BR>><BR>> When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on<BR>> the moon, he not only gave his famous "one small step for man,<BR>> one giant leap for mankind" statement but followed it by<BR>> several remarks, usual communication traffic between him, the<BR>> other astronauts and Mission Control.<BR>><BR>> Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made this<BR>> remark - "Good luck Mr. Gorsky."<BR>><BR>> Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning<BR>> some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was<BR>> no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.<BR>><BR>> Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the<BR>> "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always<BR>> just smiled.<BR>><BR>> On July 5, 1995 in Tampa Bay FL, while answering questions<BR>> following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old<BR>> question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr.<BR>> Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could<BR>> answer the question.<BR>><BR>> When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the<BR>> backyard. His friend hit a fly ball, which landed in the front<BR>> of his neighbor's bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. &<BR>> Mrs. Gorsky.<BR>><BR>> As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard<BR>> Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Sex! You want sex?! You'll<BR>> get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"<P>

TD,<P>Thank you for my morning laugh! That is hilarious! Great story!!! LOL. Between your dreams and your ancedotes, you sound like a hoot!

i wonder if mr gorsky got any. and what about mrs gorsky. you suppose she was having an affair or maybe she was hurt because he had one and was in recovery.<BR>but seriously, so many of us are difficult situations. what we want to do is clear to us. each of us have things blocking us from doing what we really want to do. i suppose it's up to each of us to make a personnal dicision when we're ready. talking about these things probably helps us get ready. i keep thinking there's some half way solution that i can find that we serve my w and me and we'll both be happier. the situation may not be ideal but a little relief would be nice. i keep coming back to the first answer but based on all the brainwashing i've had on this board, it's wrong, no, incorrect.

Hey Frankie,<P>I keep following you around lately...(no pun intended).......what was your first answer??? I don't remember........Was it having an affair and stay married? If so, I keep thinking of that also. You know what the impossible thing is here.......if we were with people who were really obnoxious and mean or abusive, it would be so damn easy to leave, but after all of these years of living with someone, it is a real tough decision. Part of me feels one way, and the other part goes the other. I would assume this means that I am not ready! (obviously). You have a good point, talking and sharing is so damn important!

Frankie,<BR>Did you read my post somewhere on here that I wrote to you specifically about going to bed together and talking and the touchy feely stuff. I don't remember if you responded and I don't remember for sure where it was posted. Probably on the other topic we talk on.<BR>didi<BR>ps... Hi dlara I still have your address I will write again eventually.

dlara, you're correct. i did suggest that an affair would be half stepping to a solution. but you know, you can't just decide to go out and have an affair. i never decided to have an affair but then i did. and too, you can't have an affair and be in control because an affair has a life of it's own. it's like trying to take heroin only on the weekends. and if you could have an affair and be in control, it would be no more satisfing than being with your spouse. i could be wrong about this. the temptation to have an affair is like the temptation to have a drink whenever you feel bad. sure, you'll feel better for a while but the problem is still there. i have a gf in another state with whom i've been intimate several times. we email about getting together. the thought is interesting. it would be fun but i don't love her nor does she love me. we just like each other, a lot and enjoy sex together. so anyway, something like that, if it were convient might be ok. so, what do you think.<BR>didi, yes, i remember your post about how your h really gets into the affection part but not the sexual part. (as i recall). to be happy, we need all the parts of the happiness puzzel. it doesn't matter how good one part is, if you're missing one small part. aren't we difficult to please. being happy is like scaling a mountain that goes on for ever. i've read somewhere that happiness is like knowledge; it's infinitly extendable. so, no matter how happy you are, you can, and will began to imagine being happerier. and another thing, there's a zen saying: the journey is the end. i think i got that right. so maybe we should just enjoy all this as it comes along. even the part about trying to decide what to do.

Frankie,<P>No, I didn't mean me and my situation on the touchy, feely. I meant try it for you and your w. I said something like,"I think you sometimes have to pretend to feel the sexy and emotional side and go through the motions then hopefully, you will find the feelings will come around. Especially if you love that person anyway." You know, I keep reading that sex is mostly in the mine anyway. Don't we all have the capability of changing our minds. Try think she's beautiful and anyway she probably is. Think of European paintings of nudes. They are NEVER of skinny women. My h and I always talk about trying to look good for each other. There is nothing wrong with trying to look our best as we age. Have fun!<P>My best to you<BR>didi

frankie,<P>In response to your last post......You are right, I suppose that an affair would just be a band aid, and an iffy one at that......But, I like the idea of a sexual relationship with someone....that would be ideal, if both people totally understood and everything was made clear. That is actually not a bad idea! I am not sure if it is realistic, but, it sure sounds like an alternative.........Hummmmmm

Dlara.....<P> Ok girl fess up LOL Well if you want to know something hon. I learned in thereapy that she told me when you do have affaris sometimes it is a band-aid. But to me a real band-aid heals for a bit right? Like Frankie said if it makes you feel better even for just a bit sometimes thas what a person needs. When not happy. I am not excusing it at all the affairs people have. But I can see Frankies point. We only have one life to live. And if your like me I hate living so unhappy. I had a saying sent to me that said when you are born you are crying and everybody else is smiling. So when you die it would be nice if eveyone was crying and you were smiling. Makes since don't ya think? But right now I know that would not be me. Well thought add on to this post thanks for reading.

didi, good observation. you make a good point. seem men are victems of the models of beauty too. beauty models make it difficult for regular women to measure up and make men expect the near impossible. there was a time when a plump womam was seen as a healty woman and that was a sign of beauty. i'm going to think about this. thanks

Wonder,<P>LOL...fess up??? Actually I have not done a thing yet........I am still contimplating,and truth be known, there is no one that I have met recently whom I am interested in. Ironic that I have had opportunities, yet I am not "turned on" to these particular people.......not sure if I am even giving them a chance or not...you know what I mean? Anyway, I still think about it!!!<P><BR>

Dlara......<P> Ok my dear what do you exactly want me to fess up to? I know there is always temptation out there. Gosh knows we are human and married but not dead. So I take it has crossed your mind? How long been married hon? Please let me know what you would like to know. Thanks and enjoy our responses to each other.

Wonder,<P>I was actually referring to your post about me fessing up? LOL.....Not to worry! I have been married 30 years!!! I was married in my senior year of college......young!!!<BR>I have mentioned in previous posts that I AM contimplating an affair......just don't have any one in particular in mind!!! LOL!!!

Dlara........<P> Sorry hon guess I read your last post wrong. Well you need some help looking LOL Just kidding. Not sure want to write in to these posts anymore just got accused from another post I been writing to in this forum that I need to quit asking for sympathy,they also said Boo Hoo to me. Thought that was really called for myself. That tired of hearing about my stuff. That married for better or worse. Some people guess just don't understand. So not sure if I will be coming in here anymore. I guess wanted some comments and to know there were others out there like me. Maybe I was wrong to write in these. So see ya.

wonder, please stay. i like your responses. i never thought you were feeling sorry for yourself. ignore those negative responses. there will always be those that disagree with you.<BR>some of you were talking about having an affair but didn't have anyone in mind. that says alot about affairs. i doubt anyone sets out to have an affair. it's like deciding what you're going to dream. wouldn't that be nice. an affair is like spontanious generation. one day you're just talking and it seems the next thing you know, you've fallen crazy in love with the person. i've always seen women i thought attractive, sexy, and imagined having sex with them and living on an island with them and on and on. but i can't imagine starting an affair. it might be different for others though. what do you think.

Frankie..........<P><BR> Thanks for asking me to stay and saying you like my responses. I agree with you nobody I don't think plans on having affairs. Its like you said you start out as friends then next thing you know you are falling in love with them. Fantasies are wonderful and can be fun. LOL Some of us need them because we are not gettting the sex we want or need or enjoy with our partners. At least this way we can feel alive again at least a little bit through a fantasy. Do you understand what I am saying here? I am always glad to read your responses too thanks Frankie.<BR>

dear drala and frankie,you both are in your fifties and we are in our midtwenties.why is this happening to me. we were very passionate before.my husband has interest in sex in the first year. married for 18 mths. i thought that sexual frequency is the hughest in the first few years of marriage. the other problem is we would have alot of fights, than he would not want to make love. or we would keep getting sick. other days he would be tired. why can't i have sex like other newly wed couples every nite. the best we have had is twice or thrice a week. during our honeymoon we had sex every night for a month.please give me a solution, or else i have to accept this scenario.

sonu,<P>I can give you some recommendations.......wish I had a solution! You are young, and this is something that will only get worse if you don't deal with it now. Have you ever considered counseling? That may be the first thing that I would do if I were you. If your husband will not go with you, then you go. You need to understand and become clear as to what is going on for you. Then you will hopefully get a handle on your realtionship. <P>You both eventually need to go together, because obviously you cannot deal with a relationship alone....it takes two. I feel for you, keep us posted. <P><BR>

sonu, we had great sex for the first few years and afterwards had what i call regular sex but not as frequently. but it was ok. i think knowing i could have it anytime i wanted caused me to not want it as much. i think you can't want what you have. you can only want what you don't have. get it? somehow i got to where i didn't care for it and she didn't seem to care for it either. and then i had an affair. the sex was wonderful. not just emotionaly but physically. her performance was outstanding! now, i can't bring myself to want my w. we've been in recovery for a few months and i thought i could just do it. i find myself dodging it. i know she wants it but i just can't bring up the subject. i don't mind kissing her but even with that i'm afraid she'll think i'm leading to sex. we get along so well every other way. we went backbacking last weekend and had a good time. it was just a day trip so we didn't have to camp. we wadded in streams, had a picnic lunch and visited a water fall. it was a real adventure. we had drinks later that evening but it didn't go anywhere. i hurts me to know i'm not satisfing her but i just can't help it. i hope to get over this soon. we need to see a sex therapist and will when she starts working.<BR>sanu, if sex is marginal for you and your h now, while you two are young, i have to wonder how it could ever get better if left to itself. sex usually gets worse instead of better. i hope you get it fixed now. you're missing out on a lot of good love making time. good luck<BR>wonder, i've gotten beaten up pretty good on some of the other topics. it doesn't hurt my feelings but i don't like responing in good faith and then have to eat crap in return. like anything else, it's better to share with someone that appreciates you, or me.