I was getting ready to finally give up on my marriage. Thought there would never be a change in perspective or philosophy in my wife who has been unfaithful more than once. Then 2 days before I was going to tell her it was all over. She comes to me, says she is sorry, that she is reading a book and says she wants to become a person of integrity. That she wants to make things right.<P>We are supposed to meet tonight to discuss 10 reasons why we should break up and 10 reasons why we should stay together. But her big thing is she says I have to trust her. <P>Comments <P>We have an 8 year daughter who desperately wants us to stay together.

I can SOOO relate you you!!! (What a predicament we are in!!) I'm curious about the responses to this for you!!<P>My H has been miserable and making me miserable the whole ten years of our marriage- he has had affairs (multiple multiple) for 5 years!! When I found out about them all in March (not because he had a change of heart and decided to come clean- he got ratted out by one of his OW) and told him it was over- he decided to LOVE ME!!!!<P>Now he has turned to God, he acts with integrity respect and love- and NOW I AM TOTALLY CONFUSED!!!! (and mad too!) what is up with this timing?????<P>It took me ALOT to get to the point of divorce- the affairs were the final straw- and NOW what am i supposed to do???<P>I am not even sure I have love for him anymore- he drove it out of me- i feel broken used up and like i've been thrown in the garbage!! Why would he decide after ALL OF THIS that he wants me???<P>Is this normal? Does he just not want anyone else to have me? How many others has this happened to? Was it for real or a game?<P>I am very curious about the responses people will have- I'm sorry I have no advice myself since I'm in the same predicament <P>TLFM<BR>ps. I have 12 and 9 year old sons & a 3 year old daughter- they all want me to "give him a second" chance- of course they want us to stay together- but what they fail to understand is that i've given him TEN YEARS OF CHANCES!!!! He never wanted me, or counseling or to love me or to even be kind to the kids and I!!!<P>

Hi John,<P>If her big thing is for you to trust her---then you should work together on a plan for her to earn this trust. It should include no privacy---she needs to be completely accountable for her whereabouts, time, etc. This is one of the Harley "suggestions" for reconciliation; if both spouse's can agree on the conditions, it can help restore the trust in the marriage.<P>If she's asking you for "blind trust", I'd tell her that you can't give it to her (unless you can---and I think it'd be foolish given the circumstances). If she's really concerned about becoming a person of integrity, and making the marriage right---please ask her to participate in counseling with Steve or Jenn through the MarriageBuilder's phone counseling service (888-639-1639 for appointments). Your daughter is excellent motivation for wanting to make this marriage work, but you're going to need a concrete plan to get success, and solid coaching along the way.<P>Good luck, and God bless!