X said WIFTTy worked too hard for money, now she says she can't live her paycheck to paycheck.<BR>X said she didn't like sex, so i stopped initiating sex or receiving mercy sex, don't want to force her to do something she didn't like.<BR>X said the His Needs Her Needs was sexist, biased towards men, terrible book.<BR>X said we don't do POJA very well, we can't do that.<BR>X said WIFTTy have them every friday night until noon saturday, while i work, now she says she doesn't have the opportunity to go on a long weekend with the kids. She never even asked for a switched weekend, night, etc. even though she will still work on saturday mornings.<BR>X said she appreciated that i didn't want to be a disney dad, now she says in the best interest of the kids, there is too much back and forth between houses (15 minute drive).<BR>X said that she didn't want her kids to come home to an empty house after school, now she says s is 12, he can be in charge of the house and 9 yo d anytime.<BR>X said WIFTTy should have taken more days off when the kids are sick to care for them, now she says the kids should stay home by themselves when they are sick, WIFTTy can't take care of them because he would either have to come to her house, or move the sick kid, and 9 yo olds are fine to stay alone at home sick during the day.<BR>X said because I requested counseling when the 12 yo s started acting as if he was in charge of my house also, and fighting against me anytime i ask him to cooperate in any way, we should go to the standard visitation, WIFTTy has too much time with them, in the best interest of his kids.<BR>X said she would stay at her job for the next 10 years, but refused to put it in print, its not standard.<P>Basically, she couldn't stay with the agreement we mediated, got her lawyer to change it to the standard. . . . because its in the best interest of the kids, everything she wants is in the best interest of the kids, she said once that we should get divorced soon so the kids can have a good summer.<P>Being well educated, hard working, able to communicate, perceive subtlies in approaches, carry one polysyllabic conversations, fix most everything in the house, be one of the few dads go to parent teacher conferences, be one of two dads to go to each halloween parade, one of the many dads that coach sports, and be on the board of directors to give the kids the best organization possible, one of the few dads that get dressed up with his kids for halloween, be the one in the house that wants to do new things, visit different places in something other than a small tent-on-wheels, must be a curse somehow. <P>My biggest mistake, was probably not calling the Harleys, and instead used my reading and learning skills, no my biggest mistake was not listening to myself back when we started dating, and rationalizing away that after 5 years of dating, i didn't know where else i could have meet more woman like myself.<P>and now i feel purely helpless because X wants a divorce for the only reason she can give is I worked too hard for the almighty dollar, with no sign that she was unhappy, and said that she tried to tell me in her way, but yet she said she likes the money to spend.<P>just had a bad day yesterday, i tried to keep it civil, did the divorce the way she wanted it done, without lawyers, etc. so we can work together, i did my best, plan A, plan B, nothing seemed to work in the end. Did my reading for what is the best for kids as far as introducing other people, the kids have not seen me with anyone, know that i have friends that i talk with and have fun with, just like anyone else, and X is going on vacation with kids and OM. <P><B> to make it worse, i missed 7 shots on goal last night in soccer, the last one with an open goal, that i went to just touch into the net, and it hit the cross bar, but the shots had plenty of pace on them i guess its called physical venting. </B><P>it will get better, i go away for the next week, and will have fun, having a real vacation the kind i haven't had for about 12 years, my kind of vacation, at my kind of place, doing my kind of stuff.<P>

Best interest of the kids, eh? Isn't she the one who changes her philosophies about marriage, love, hard work, and responsibility at the drop of a hat? No surprises that there is inconsistency there. I am sure you know this, but this is NOT about the kids. But, of course you know nothing about your children, right? Sigh....<P>I know you recognize the personality differences between the two of you and the significance of them. You also recognize the "motivations" behind your union in the first place. That is healthy and I think we should all look at those factors so we can grow into stronger more confident and aware people. However, I find it disturbing that each sentence began with your ex wife's name in this current post, and often in many others. I do see that it was the most expedient way to address the issues you were wanting to point out, so format is irrelevant. It seems like a little thing, but often in your posts, your focus is on the faults you find with her. Just help me understand why. The only mistake you seem to acknowledge strongly is the mistake in creating your unions and not knowing yourself because of your backgrounds. The rest is chalked up to blue-collar vs white collar ambitions, personality styles, conflict avoidance, and many, many personality "deficiencies" that she has. You told me once to stop focusing on HIM (my ex) and focus on me. Shouldn't you stop doing the same? Or do you see it differently? I hope you understand the spirit in which I am saying this. <P>Enjoy your vacation and some well deserved WIFFTy time! <P><BR>

GSD wrote: "You told me once to stop focusing on HIM (my ex) and focus on me."<P>Tom, you are probably so fresh in your divorce experience that the transition to:<P>"it will get better, i go away for the next week, and will have fun, having a real vacation the kind i haven't had for about 12 years, my kind of vacation, at my kind of place, doing my kind of stuff."<P>....where you need to put your energies to! Sounds like you've turned over every rock my friend, don't beat yourself up! Be kind to Tom!<P>Ragamuffin<P>P.S. Bad night at soccer too, bummer! You'll get 'em in there next time!<P>