A drunk man is wandering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into cars and feeling the roofs. The bouncer comes up to him. ‘What the heck are you doing?!’ he asks. ‘I’m looking for my car and I can’t find it!’ the drunk replies. ‘So how does feeling the roofs of these cars help?!’ the bouncer asks. ‘Well, my car has two blue lights, and a siren on the roof!’ the drunk replies.

Grad Student<P><BR>A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for awhile?"<P>She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.<P>After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." <P>To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"<BR>

Ok...could not resist...my drunk joke for the week...<P>Too Much To Drink!<BR>A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches "Can I help you sir?" "Yessh! Ssssombody stole my car " the man replies. <P>The cop asks - " Where was your car the last time you saw it?" "It wasss at the end of thiss key" the man reply's. <P>About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's weenie is hanging out of his fly for all the world to see. He asks the man "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" <P>Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and, without missing a beat, blurts out: "SON OF A ***** --- THEY GOT MY GIRFRIEND, TOO!!!!"

I got this today in an email: <P>She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:<BR>She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.<BR>She sent me a fax with a stamp on it<BR>She thought a quarterback was a refund.<BR>She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.<BR>She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.<P>She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:<BR>She thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.<BR>She thought General Motors was in the army.<BR>She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.<BR>She thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday. <BR>Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On<BR>Phonics."<BR>At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius."<P>She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:<BR>She tripped over a cordless phone.<BR>She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said, "Concentrate."<BR>She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."<BR>She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.<P>She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:<BR>She studied for a blood test.<BR>She thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."<BR>She sold the car for gas money!<BR>When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.<BR>When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.<P>She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde: <BR>When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.<BR>She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company. <BR>If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.<BR>She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.<BR>She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."<P>Blonde and can prove it,<BR>Nell <BR>