Quick question:<P>For those of you who may not see or hear from your X's or WS for long periods of time... Do you ever wake up one day with a strange feeling that your X is going to get in-touch with you soon, and then it happens!<P>It has happened to me so many times in the past year. I won't hear from her for a month or 2 or 3, then I'll wake up after having a bad dream and just KNOW that she will be calling or writing or whatever soon. And sure enough it happens.<P>Walked into an email from her today - have not heard from her since our divorce (April 24). She emailed asking if I needed any help from her in getting an anullment. You know I will always love the woman I married, but I can't help but feel that this "new" woman is dead to me - I don't want to talk or hear from her at all. If there ever came a time when my "old" wife contacted me, that would be different. But then again, I know that if she ever really needed me, I would be there for her. I guess it just sucks when she does this because it brings too many feelings back up to the surface...<P>arrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!<P>{sigh}<P>Mike<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

No, it's never happened to me. But then, my wife has never once tried to contact me since the day she deserted me.<BR>

Yep, I feel that way every time I have contact with her, which, having a son with her, is far too frequent for my comfort level.<P>I'll always care for the girl I married too. Unfortunately, she doesn't exist anymore.<P>I know this is a terrible thing to say, but the best thing that could possibly happen to me, would be for my STBX to vanish. That would make my life unbelievably easier.<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by c00ker:<BR><B>I know this is a terrible thing to say, but the best thing that could possibly happen to me, would be for my STBX to vanish. That would make my life unbelievably easier.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Why is that a terrible thing to say?<P>I think that if my wife were to vanish, that would actually exacerbate and extend my sense of loss. I think that if she were to die, my grief would sharpen, but I would recover relatively quickly. My life would <I>certainly</I> be easier, since as long as my wife follows her current path, I am subjected to prolonged torture.<P>That's just the way it is, and I don't think acknowledging a terrible reality is anything to be ashamed of.<P>That said, for <I>me</I> the best thing that could possibly happen would be for my wife to stop running from herself. As long as there is any hope of that, my preference is for her to live, regardless of whether that makes life harder for me.<BR>

Yes, this has happened to me on occasion and it usually catches me off guard as well. About a month ago I received an email from my ex while I was at work and at the same exact moment, the song “One More Day with You” by Diamond Rio was on the radio. Talk about an eerie (and upsetting) moment….<P>Anyway, I usually feel worse these days after having any contact with my ex and in many ways, I wish that she would just go away. I don’t wish her any harm and I really hope that she has a good life, but she walked away from me so now I feel that she needs to stay away. For the most part, she is doing just that.<P>I will hear from her occasionally asking me if we can get together to “catch up” on things, but our schedules haven’t really worked out. I’m about to the point now that if she attempts another time to schedule this that I am just going to respectfully decline. We parted in a friendly manner and I am finally to the point where I don’t feel her to be privy to anything concerning my life. If she cared that much, her actions of the past year would have been different.<P>Of course we will never know the true answer until the situation presents itself, but I’m ready to close that chapter of my life.<P><BR><P>------------------<BR><I>We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.</I><P>~Joseph Campbell

Shawn,<P>As usual, I concur 100%.<P>And the part about not knowing what you would do "if" it happened... Also true. But at the same time we can't nor should we live our lives thinking about the "ifs".<BR>Keep the faith.....<P>Hope all is well.<BR>Mike<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

When you're life's back on track, contact with the <I>XW</I> won't send you spiralling. Right about that time <I>she</I> won't be able to stand contact, but that's another story.

<P>I know this is a terrible thing to say, but the best thing that could possibly happen to me, would be for my STBX to vanish. That would make my life unbelievably easier.<BR>[/B][/QUOTE]<P><BR>I have had the same feelings...<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I know this is a terrible thing to say, but the best thing that could possibly happen to me, would be for my STBX to vanish. That would make my life unbelievably easier.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This one hurts b/c I think my stbx feels the same way about me... he accuses me of being the "abuser" and "deserter" in our relationship - years ago. I don't know. I sometimes think it would be better if I would just go, but the kids don't deserve that. They want their Mom around - even their Dad...<P>I can relate to what you're saying though Mike... as it won't be easy for me living with my X right upstairs. Oh well...<P>By the way, I haven't had that experience with STBX yet but have had the experience with boyfriends in my past... like years after I'd seen them, suddenly to feel their presence in the same town and sure enough... the 6th sense is a strange one.<P>------------------<BR><I>As iron sharpens iron, so does one wo/man sharpen another...</I> Prov 27:17

Hi, stopped in here cause I was having weird thoughts and missed you all.<P>yes, I dreamed a strange dream and had my stbx call within a half hour, he is still playing games, he called me on the cell phone and obviously had an audience as he acted the "wronged father" at that time, yet a half hour later called me from his office and told me how he wasn't going to pay a bunch of stuff and how bvig an idiot I was.<P>I'm so tired of his games, but now he has a $750/hour attorney who barks at any little thing and it is going to go on forever. One lady I know had sympathy for me cause her husband died, mine is still around. How sick is that? the bad thing, I agree with her, it is a finite situation when one dies, this eternal hanging about is a pain in the rear!<P>The across-the-street neighbors are spies of his, I don't even want to go out in my front yard any more. My straight A student daughter was out talking to friends and the neighbors told him I was letting her run around all hours of the night. She was in her own front yard, just talking. The younger daughter had the cops called on her for riding n teh Quad after it was cleaned up. It is so hard on the kids; they aren't even able to be kids.<P>Last time we went motocrossing, beacause of a-t-s neighbor and stbx, the girls and I had to go camp 4.5 miles from the rest of the group. Why? The a-t-s neighbor can't stand to have my name mentioned as it upsets him and my stbx. What a bunch of babies!<P>After his last game of 2 months ago, I have moved on with my life. i have a new beau (such a quaint word) that my kids adore and is good to me, but I know it isn't over and that is hard. It is also hard in that I have nothing from him in any way, yet find out he is going after more and more all the time. he now wants custody of the girls, wants his part of the business,etc. All monetary based... can anyone answer the question of why money is so much more impiratnt than people these days?<P>Sorry, rambling and have no where else to voice my thoughts. I am doing better, off the anti-depressants and getting the business back on track. All so slow, just taking one day at a time at the moment.<P>Lori<BR>

I haven't really had the experience of knowing my STBX is going to contact me. In fact, since I now have a restraining order, he can't contact me. Thank goodness. I agree with all those who said it would be easier if he just disappeared. Fortunately, he and OW are staying about 3 hours away at his parent's trailer at the beach so I don't even have to see them together in town now. I get upset just hearing about him lately, mostly from my lawyer. <P>I agree with Mike and Nick that the person I married no longer exists. He was generous, loving, exciting, full of ideas, and most of all, sober. This man is self-centered, hostile, blaming, and irresponsible. <P>I wish, like GnomeDePlume, that my H would stop running from himself and find sobriety again. In the meantime, though, the less contact the better...sigh

I also feel like I love the guy I married, but that he is gone forever. I tell my STBX and he says life changes people. Well then I guess I need to mourne him and move on... Sad but real.<BR>

WOW,<BR>Yes, this definately happens to me. I get a check every month, but that's not too bad, just a check is all he sends. <P>But then... sometimes it seems like I finally get him out of my mind, and then... WHAMO... it's like he know's I haven't been thinking about him and he'll call or write.<P>This just happend a couple of weeks ago. I haven't heard from him in months and then, there it is, a letter in with the check... it's spooky, when things are going really good for me, he starts trying to push my buttons. <P>I'm glad I'm not the only one who this happens too.<P>Take care everyone...<BR>B