Just asked H for divorce after 17 years. It sure feels crapy to hurt someone even though they have been so abusive over the years. I feel so bad for him. He has no one to turn to. I hope he'll seek that out. I know I'll have a better, quieter life for it and feel better about myself, but boy I feel yukky right now. I don't like to hurt anyone. Just wanted to vent.

i understand totally - for me it has also been 17 years and we are on the brink of divorce - i am so torn because i feel awful when i am with him but i hate myself for hurting him - i know i cannot live that life but it truly feels like death

And once again, here we women are, worrying about everyone but ourselves! What did you guys do to deserve 17 years of unhappiness? I have been married for 18 months and asked my H for a divorce last week. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and my heart just breaks for the pain he must be going through. However, we had been in counseling and I was extremely clear about the things I needed in our marriage in order for me to be happy. One day he pushed me too far - just like I always warned him - and I snapped. Now there is no chance of reconciliation - but I can't feel too bad for him. He has to be responsible for the consequences of his own actions - which is exactly what my (or any "leaver") decision came to.

My (ex)wife filed for divorce 20 months into our marriage, and although I’m sure it was a hard thing for her to do, I really question if she knows how much her actions truly hurt me? It has been over a year now since that dreadful day and I still have bad days because of it. <P>I applaud those of you who went to counseling and made an attempt to make your marriages work. My ex did nothing and said nothing to me of her unhappiness until she made the decision to leave. By then, it was too late to work on anything.<P>I am a good man and I was a good husband. What upsets me the most is that she never gave our marriage a chance. I would have been willing to do anything in my power for my wife to be happy, but how could I have been expected to fix something if I didn’t know that it was broke? <P>I know that is a common male statement, but that’s how my little brain works <BR>

My husband and I had an initial consultation with a divorce mediator today after 8 years of marriage. I am the one who wants it, but not really. I would much rather have him inclined to meet my EN's, and I don't really understand why he can't or doesn't. He says he wants the marriage to work and asks what I need, I tell him, and yet he never follows through. I ask him what he might like me to do differently to meet his EN's and he says nothing, that I make him happy. I thought he was depressed but after months of counseling and meds, I realize that he grew up not learning how to express emotion and so now I am in a lonely marriage with a man to whom I have no connection. He becomes more expressive when he drinks but doesn't see that as a problem although he already has one dwi. Whenever I spend time with him, I realize just how much I could never go back to living with him the way things are and that makes me sad because I love him, or at least I love who I think he really is deep down underneath the facade.<P>The worse part is that although I'm the one who wants the divorce, I'm also the one who expresses the most sadness about it while he seems very emotionless about the whole ordeal. In the back of my mind I keep hoping that he will snap out of his emotional coma, but I'm not too optimistic.<BR>