My org. post was around 5/23-25. She did the unexpected, I did not think she would pull such a stunt. Her mother who is on her 5th marriage rented her a house beside her and said, if you live here I will help you, but if you go back to where you were living you are on your own! What is bad is our 4-1/2 yr dght., who isn't sure what is going on.I cann't spend anytime with my dght.alone because they said I will run with her, I'm not stupid, the legal system is slow she did this Mon. after Fathers day. Atty's are trying to work out some visits but wife will not agree on any overnights, she said that she has never spent one night away from our dght. and no one wants to understand that. My wife is very controling of dght. and very obsessive. Her former boss wrote a letter to my atty.about how she is so overly obsessive with her. Wife comes from a disfunctional family background and knows she has issues to deal with but will not go to conseling says they get to nosey.<BR>I'm just so lost and in pain. I file for custody and court order to bring her back in the state and she is so mad and says that a child belongs with the mother as they are the better parent, which I disagree in the case, dght does not need to be in the enviroment my wife is putting her in. There is so much more I just don't know where or what to say next. She isn't being reasonable at all and will not listen unless it is going her way.

You have my prayers...<P>Make those attorneys do their work!!!<P> <P>Jim

My heart goes out to you.I had a first husband like your wife and cried alot for my children.I prayed alot and read the bible it was the only uplifting I could find. Pslam 77 and 139. You can't reason with them. I just would give as much healthy teaching as I could to the boys and prayed they would see H for who he really was.They have and they are now 23,21 and 17. It is still their parent and I support whatever they are comfortable with doing towards him or with him they are still or should I say H is a part of who they are. With unconditional Love and not putting their dad down has helped them come to their own conclusions.H was always pulling me into court for everything hardly participated in their raising and I did not fight him. In the end he loses. The children trust and love the parent who gave unconditional love and that relationship will be the strongest. Whatever time you get assure the child of your love, its not her fault and your a phone call away. You will need some support it feels like a death and you need to vent. I hope this makes sense.

Thanks for your prayers, I have been in prayer constantly and find some relief. Being in our home with out the sound of our dgth. walking, talking,playing it is so hard. My wife is so mad and angery at me she said she cann't believe that I filed for custody. She said I better drop the paper if I never want her to think about coming back. I do love her but my main concern is my dght. and I have to focus on her for now, I cann't let her be in the enviroment my wife took her too.<BR>Thank you for your prayers......

Listen I do know how your feeling,but let me tell you. I had a child that went back to living in a abuse home. I had to let go.. I had all the rights all the help all the answers and surely God saw I was the stable parent....Their once was a King who threatened to cut a baby in half because 2 woman claimed to be the mother and argued over who was best. When the king said he would cut the child in two the one woman let go and that's how the King knew who the real mother was....Be very slow to be quick to pass judgement I understand but there may be more than you see...Losing a child is very painful, remember your child and the confused state she is in! She will not understand you fighting over her and each of you will be pulling on her arm....

I caught my wife having an affair in Sept. 2000. We had a big arguement at the end of Oct. because she did not want to talk about anything about our marriage. She then decided she was scared of me that I might hit her. (Never have or would). On Nov. 1 she took my 2 kids to Florida to start a new life. After a few days of talking, she realized that I was going to get a court order to bring them back (here attorney told her before she left that I could do that). After thinking about being away from the kids, she ask to come back and work on our marriage. We are doing great now.<P><BR>Go ahead and do what you must to get your kid back and don't let her threats bother you. When she realizes that you mean business, it snap her back to reality. GOOD LUCK AND DON'T BACK DOWN. <P>

Its been a few days now which seems like a life time and things are so slow in the legal system. My W will not let me see my dght. unless a letter is written between our atty's that I will return each visit. She still will not let overnight visits happens until it goes to court and they make her. Its a 2 hour drive one way and I make it every day that I have been off and I have 2 to 3 days off at a time. Our dght. has told my W that she wants to stay in our home but W will not let her and dght gets so emotional when we have to go separate ways, W blames all this on me and says I don't care about daht. and if I did I would stay away from her so she can adjust to her new enviroment and that I should not call our dght. everyday. <BR>W is blaming me for everything that has happen and says that she ( W ) deservse to be happy. I told her that our dght. is the one who deserves to be happy and what she has done to her has affected her. During all of this I have not raise my voice at her with everything she has been saying and doing. Her atty. says she needs to start being reasonable on visit and overnights and she said that no one wants to listen to her that our dght. has never spent a night away from her. This is all so emotional and stressful, I just don't know what to do sometimes. <BR>My Dr. who is treating me for my cancer (which is in remission) says that if I don't start gaining my weight back that I have no guarantes of staying in remission and I know that, but I just cann't seem to make myself eat. W said she cann't understand why I'm not eatting.<BR>Please keep me in your prayers.<BR>Thanks

Too nosey? Too nosey? What the ____? I know she is possessed by aliens, but <B>that</B> is the whole point, now isn't it? Seriously, that statement is indicative of the <I>hidden</I> heart that she is keeping from you.<P>BTW...the King was Solomon. Lots of wisdom from him. The whole better parent issue is her opinion, not fact. Plus, it isn't an issue of who the better parent is, she should not move that far away...how far is it? You are in Maryland...its pretty hard to drive for 2 hours there <I>without</I> going to another state. If you pay support, she is required to give you visitation. I'd go for joint custody, in MARYLAND. This is in order to keep D where she is used to being. Courts tend to like that, despite what she will undoubtedly say about it.<BR>I am sorry for your sit, and your pain...looks like its pretty foggy out your way. Keep the light on, do Plan A/B, and be patient, and strong. God Bless. -Mike<p>[This message has been edited by waiting_for_her (edited July 10, 2001).]

Hi Blues, sorry to hear about your daughter.<P>Have you asked your attorney about Parental Alienation? Sounds like that is exactly what your wife is doing, and you do have legal recourse to stop it, if it can be proven.<P>Sometimes, judges grant custody to the other parent when the custodial parent is found guilty of Parental Alienation.<P>You might want to educate yourself on this - do it for your daughter's sake, she deserves a father that will fight for her.<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

waiting for her...Who is BTW? I know who the king is,thank you anyway....Blues, yes the justice system is very slow, I hear what you are saying and I am sorry for your loss. I was wondering if you do not eat and take better care of yourself, how will this look to a court anyway? Stress can cause lots of problems.What does not eating mean about you?Could you be maximizing the issues? What can you do to take better care? Does going one day of not seeing your daug.,mean your a bad parent? How can this be so helpful to hurry up and fix this problem? Is their a perfect solution?I don't think I could say, I don't know your wife or what she's been through in the relationship that she feels she needs to act out or run? Do you think God has a diffrent plan than you? What lesson do you think is being sent for you to learn? Best Wishes

clc58,<BR>I'm not sure who BTW is? But as for my problem is that its been 4 weeks since my W left the state w/our dght. She left her first H the same way except no children were involved. Her mother said that if she lives by her she would help her out, but if she stays she wouldn't her mother is on her 5th marriage and has no family values. My W father took his life at an early age and w has never forgiven him for cheating her out of her child hood and she was abuse by her mother's father as a child., she has never gotten help for these so sad and deep issues and she has always has a male friend in our life and she went over the line 6 years ago with, we recommitted our life to Christ and had a beautiful dgth. and had a good life relationship going until we moved back close to her mother ( 2 hours away ) and things started going sour again. As my health cancer remission is never a sure thing and with stress, weight loss and I still have 3 1/2 years left before I'm consider cured my Dr. told me she cann't promise me anything with my immune system that hasn't build back up from my treatments. I know I have to eat to build it,but it's hard to and I know I have to be strong for this fight of cancer and specially of getting my dgth. back. My W has been wanting to leave more so since April and I wouldn't move out of the house so she said she had no choice but to do so. She als said she would never separate our dgth. from having both parents on a daily basis, but she did. She will not go to counseling for help. <BR>She said she doesn't need it, she said she wants a new start withour having to report to anyone and can go and come when she pleases and talk to who she wants too when she wants too. I hope I answer some of the questions.<BR>Thanks for listening.

BTW = By The Way

Hey Blues,<P>I feel your pain. When my W moved out with our daughter, I thought I would die. I never knew what hopelessness felt like before that. The place where the crib was supposed to be.... I just ...<P>Well, things have gotten better in my case. I'm sorry they're not in yours. Keep your lawyers working and keep telling your W that she has no choice. That you are the Dad and will be the Dad for the rest of your D's life. That's what I told my W, and she's coming around to the view - because she cares about our D that we might should get back together, because as she says she "doesn't want our D to have to go back and forth between two houses with her suitcase all her life". If your W really cares about your D and understands that this is an INESCAPABLE future, she might starting thinking about whether or not that's what she really wants.<P>Don't give anything up! Don't agree to let your W have 1 inch more than she can legally get. Of course, you don't want to fight over the D in her presence. When my W first moved out, she was saying that she just wanted me to dissapear from their lives - and I just told her that was impossible.<P>Does your W work? Or is she only dependent financially on her mother? Or are you paying support already?<P>BTW, My W was abused as a child too. She did go to counselor one time - and he started asking about her childhood and she doesn't want to go back. She's like your W in that - doesn't want to talk abt. the family secrets - doesn't like to face the facts of her childhood. I wish the counselor had just talked abt. marriage. In that case, she might have gone back.<P>-AD

AbandondDad,<BR> The pain that is felt is so much more deep thank my cancer<BR>and W doesn't understands that, she said that I talk to my dght. twice a day which for 5 mins. in the morning and <BR>5 mins. a night before her bedtime. All I ever wanted was to raise a family and that has been stripped from me so far, awaiting court date. Dght. told me today that W said that I bug them calling all the time. She did mention that <BR>W is on the phone every night before I call with Uncle Eric<BR>who I know not because he will have to call collect and he is wanted by the law in VA. for a parole vilation for the past 1 1/2 years, with the help of W mother who has been moving him and paying for his apartments and sending him money, I do not want our dght. exposed to this type of <BR>enviroment and I cann't believe W would put herself and dght. in this situation. I cann't understand it and for the past 15 years W has always (except for the the first 4 years of our dght.) has always had a male friend she secretly would talk too until I find out and once she said she cross the line which was the year and half before our dght. was born and now she is back at it again. I confronted her today with it and she got mad and said she cann't belive I would even think that, I told her that our dght. answers the phone every time and you tell her its Uncle Eric which we know it isn't. So I had to leave after that conversation and she said I cann't see our dght until it goes to court now, but I told her I will be their Tues or Wed to see dght. and I told her in front of dght. so dght. knows I will be there. This was all said so that dght wouldn't think we were arguing because neither of us wants to put her in the middle.<BR>The pain that is felt when I leave dght. is ........

Blues,<BR>We can not change the past, we can move forward. I have learned that often we are attracted to what seems normal to us and not what is normal to someone else. I know that knowing God Can't take away the past he made us to have choices. Yes it hurts, you are doing all you can, not eating is a choice and you must do it..I hope and pray you can see the positive in this negative. Best Wishes C

I finally got a court of Aug.10th and she has cahnge her<BR>tune toward me seeing my dght. w/o me having to write a letter that I will bring her back. Also she took our dght to a psychologist to see if she has been affected by this but wouldn't give me the name or phone # and my atty. <BR>couldn't get it from her atty. either. I told W that I can get a copy of the report and she said that the psych. said she would not talk to me about or discuss it with me. So here goes another court order. I don't think she was a psychologist because I call everyone listed and no one had our dght. down for an appointment, just another lie I guess.<BR>W does a lot of them I'm finding out. Do they ever stop?<BR>I confronted her about the other guy that calls everynight according to our dght. and she says its her brother who is wanted by the police and I know its not him he only called her twice last year. She got so ticked off and said I didn't trust her, no kidding and the times before. <BR>How does the court session goes? Can anyone give me any words of widsom. This one is for her moving our dght. out of state and custody hearing, she filed a counter suit 2 weeks after I filed.<BR>Help Please.

What can I expect in custody court, and still now papers haven't been filed for separation, she counter sued 2 wks<BR>after she rec'd my sued?<BR>Help me out?<BR>Thanks,