I guess I'm not so much upset but just a bit meloncholy that I realize how final all this is and that chances are I will never see my ex again. The divorce papers will come one week before my thirtith birthday and I'm at the point where I'm looking forward to them.<BR> I recieved an e-mail from my ex today, the first time in a very long time that he has done so unprompted. In it he thanks me for all the years we had together(9) and that he can no longer look at himself in the mirror or forgive himself for what he did. He wishes me well and says that he misses the friendship we had and that he never deserved the unconditional love I gave him for so long, he tells me not to settle and to make sure the next man in my life gives me everything that I need. He begs in the letter that I not respond because if I do he'll fall apart.<BR> I cried for the first time in weeks. Not because of the divorce which I still want or because of the hurt that his affair and desertion caused me but just because neither of us are the naive and hopeful kids we used to be. There was a time in our lives when both of us were so madly in love with each other that it showed to everyone around us. I remember being a resturant once, the two of us giggling and holding hands and all that cute couple stuff and an eldery couple who where leaving stopped by the table and told us how beautiful we were together. That's the kind of relationship we had. That's gone now and I'll never recapture that sort of innocence with anyone else. I can't and I suspect it's the same for him now.<BR> There is a new relationship blossoming in my life now, slowly. I know all the danger involved and take things one day at a time and have been walking around with my eyes wide open. During those times when I choose to be honest with myself I know that I do love this man but that love is tempered with fear and the realization that the deepest love can fade and die at any time. That's the legacy of my divorce and now it seems as if it is not only me that feels this way.<BR> Last I heard he and OW were going to get married when our divorce is final, I truly hope he thinks twice about this. It's obvious there's a lot going on in him that needs fixing.

What a bittersweet post, Nduli2. I don't know what to say except that it touched me. I hope you are doing well (it sounds like you are) and it's always sad to see things like this happen. But life does go on and yours sounds like it is doing just that. I hope your stbx finds his way as well.

While I'm not anywhere near the place to start dating again, I am reading a book "If The Buddha Dated" which is really interesting. It sounds like it might be just perfect for you at this time. It's real small and easy to read.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0140195831/qid%3D994107883/104-6704249-1327122" TARGET=_blank>http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0140195831/qid%3D994107883/104-6704249-1327122</A> <P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<BR>

Oh goodness, I could have written your post WORD FOR WORD. I know the feeling of remembering the sweet times. My ex once denied ever loving me or feeling a connection. I knew it was his "fog" because there was an amazing connection that I had never felt before. Hindsight may sometimes be 20/20 but it is pretty darn useless 7 months after the divorce is final and the ex lives in another state.<P>It must have been hard to hear the pain coming from someone you once loved so much and probably always will. Such a tragedy, and moments like that just make the tragedy stand out more. Hang in there, it gets easier everyday, though I still cry sometimes too.

{{{{{{{{{Nduli}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Meg, I have nothing to add... just wanted you to know I am here thinking of you! Take it easy on the new relationship... I'm still remembering your words not even 3-4 months ago about your H. I know it's over but NINE years and it was abruptly cut off... just keep your eyes wide open my dear.<P>Nicole<P>------------------<BR><I>As iron sharpens iron, so does one wo/man sharpen another...</I> Prov 27:17<p>[This message has been edited by OvrCs (edited July 03, 2001).]