What is forgiveness?<P>I believe forgiveness is a central theme for living a full, happy life, especially in marriage. Forgiveness allows us to move forward, not dwelling on any hurt. Forgiveness is the key to any reconciliation.<P>I have caused great pain to my young wife who is divorcing me. She tells me she forgives me for all I've done, but do I feel it. No. Why? She is interested only in moving on in her life without me, saying she is finally happy. She tells me to apply all I've learned through this separation to my next relationship. I've given this marriage to God to repair, to take this time to right my ship with Him. I fear never being truly forgiven by her because it is only in words. What is forgiveness without reconciliation?

I'm sorry to say this but forgiveness can happen without reconciliation. We reap what we sow... and if you/we have sown trouble and pain and hurt the consequences are obviously alienation. <P>Read about Plan A and start trying to identify and meeting your wife's emotional needs. Do NOT be daunted by the separation and possible divorce. Let that not fuel your fear. Just work on yourself and try to make any changes you can and make them permanent or sustainable. OK? You will learn from these for the next relationship - hopefully, that new relationship will be with your wife. Bury the old relationship and it's time to start over... that means wooing and courting her once again... she needs to not hear ANY words from you but see demonstrated changes. Protect HER from yourself... that has been most helpful for me. Work on your animal instincts to grow them into a mature place. You can do this if you are willing to self-examine and know your own heart...<P>Keep the perspective on the eternal... reconciliation may happen but that's a bi-product of being the MAN OF GOD you were called to be. Making changes for the goal of reconciliation won't work - you will or at very least MAY revert back once you get your desire... So, let her go her path and you go on yours... pray for a NEW relationship and pray that the new one is with your wife! Let the old one die a natural death...<P>Keep us posted and all the best friend!<P>Blessings!<P>------------------<BR><I>As iron sharpens iron, so does one wo/man sharpen another...</I> Prov 27:17

There can be forgiveness without reconcilliation. It comes from being able to understand that the other person is not flawless, subject to the same weaknesses and failings of other people and being able to look back on what once was and know that at the time it was very real and sincere.<BR> My ex is the one who initiated the divorce and has claimed that he was ready to move on and that he was happy. I was angry at him for a good long time until I came around to the realization that anger towards him accomplished nothing but making myself miserable. That the time we had together was good and that at once time he was my world. Anger doesn't play any part in that. I may be dissapointed in him and sad at times but I forgive the things he did against me. I had to if for no other reason my own peace of mind.

hmmmm sometimes we have to learn to forgive ourselves for the things we have done.It is not always possible to make amends to someone. However it is possible to forgive someone with out reconcling. Forgivness allows us to move on and not be bound to the pain of the past. So it is possible that she has forgiven you and is moving on for her own. I have forgiven my ws for all she has done, but at this time I have had to move on for my own peace of mind, so my forgiveness of her was for me not for her.<BR>

hmmmm sometimes we have to learn to forgive ourselves for the things we have done.It is not always possible to make amends to someone. However it is possible to forgive someone with out reconcling. Forgivness allows us to move on and not be bound to the pain of the past. So it is possible that she has forgiven you and is moving on for her own. I have forgiven my ws for all she has done, but at this time I have had to move on for my own peace of mind, so my forgiveness of her was for me not for her.<BR>

There can be forgiveness without reconciliation- just because you love and forgive someone- doesn't mean that you can forget...<P>God casts away the sin to be remembered no more- but we humans are a bit more frail I believe!!<P>Do I forgive my STBX for cheating on me all of our marriage? SURE!! I feel no hatred towards him, I love him in my heart and am friendly and concerned for him (bascially- I don't wish him dead)- BUT<P>Big BUT here......<P>I DON'T PLAN TO TRAVEL THAT PATH TWICE!!!!!!<P>Like you, he is turning to God and wanting me- but all I have are ten years of hurt and lies and rejection to deal with and try to forget so that I can move on for ME- I can't even THINK about moving on with HIM!!! When I look at 10 years versus 5 months of changes in him- it is just way too much to swallow. What happens when his relationship with God starts to fizzle, what happens if I get really sick or are physically maimed or something, what happens if I have a bad day or week or month and some cute young thing comes along with a short skirt and dirty mouth? <P>There are too many what if's? And maybe your situation is similar to mine and she just can't get past those what if's-<P>At that point, it isn't an issue of forgiveness, it is an issue of using my head to protect my heart that gave love so freely to a man who hurt and used me..I can forgive without subjecting myself and my children to the possibility of that pain again.<P>If you would like to talk more about this- please seek me out?? I might be able to offer you a lot of perspective on how she is feeling because it all sounds so similar to my own situation (infact, if I didn't know any better- you ARE my husband!) hehehehe<P>Just kidding!<BR>Take care and I hope this helps- I know it probably isn't the answer you were hoping for- but it seems to be the general consensus- sorry <P>Take Care<BR>TLFM<BR>