I've seen a lot of posts here that somewhere or other, ask the question: What does a woman want?<P>Well after another conversation with a friend of mine this weekend re: that topic, I sat down to think about it. I've come up with a short, concise verse that sums it up for me. See what'cha think; I'm open to revisions:<P><B>A WOMAN WANTS TO BE....<P>...looked at like a model<BR>...listened to like a scholar<BR>...played with like a buddy<BR>...respected as an equal<BR>...cherished like a diamond<BR>...loved as a soulmate<BR>...treated like a queen</B><P>Is that too much to ask?<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<P>PS....Guys: What do you want?<BR>

MrsO,<P>Now, why didn't I think of that? Do you mean to tell me that I've spent the last forty years going through an endless string of failed relationships, and that is all there is to it?<P>Sounds to me like you girls have been keeping all the good little secrets to yourselves.<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper

Nope, sorry, can't be right. I gave my wife all that. She left anyway.<BR>

Well....maybe it's just me then...<P>Gnome...what do YOU think you wife wanted that she didn't have with you? Why do you think she left?<P>I ask that because I think I too treated my H as a man would want to be treated (at least in most cases...I wasn't perfect and had lots to learn). But he left anyway. The reasons he left, IMHO, have more to do with HIM than they did with me or our marriage (in fact he even admitted this a few months ago...). <P>He isn't an emotionally healthy person on many levels. Brilliant, bright, cute, funny, loving, etc. but has real emotional handicaps. He functions much better in chaotic relationships, then in healthy, happy ones. In fact, I'm not sure he CAN be happy...<P>My point is I guess that maybe that's what a mature, emotionally healthy woman wants?....I don't know. <P>I do know that's what I want. I know you were already proposed to on another thread ( ), and you are a bit too young for me anyway, but I hope I can meet someone who can treat a woman the way you treated your wife.<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O

Mrs. O<BR>You left off sex baby!! <P>Just kidding (sort of)<P>From- A woman<BR>TLFM

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mrs.O:<BR><B>Gnome...what do YOU think you wife wanted that she didn't have with you? Why do you think she left?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>My wife wanted to be free to be herself, and to be accepted and loved as herself.<P>My wife never realized that her bondage was self-imposed. (Indeed, everyone who knew us was aware of how supportive I was of her pursuit of her own interests. I had lunch last week with a guy I hadn't really had a chance to speak to for several years, and he commented that his impression was that I was "letting her find herself".)<P>My wife could not believe that I accepted her as she was. She seemed to think that if I did not see her as she saw herself, then I must be in love with some imaginary idea of her. This was particularly problematic in situations where she would get really down on herself. If I tried to assure her that she was a wonderful and capable person, she was convinced that I didn't really know and accept her.<P>My wife could not believe that I truly loved her. Perhaps she thought that if I really knew her I would not love her. Or perhaps she could not believe that she was lovable. Or perhaps she did not believe a man was capable of love (an understandable doubt if you knew her father). I don't know.<P>She left me because she felt she was losing her sense of who she was. I believe that through projection I became the embodiment of all her negative feelings about herself, and she attempted to jettison these feelings by getting rid of <I>me</I>.<P>It won't work, of course.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>I hope I can meet someone who can treat a woman the way you treated your wife.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I believe I know a fair number of such men. As far as I know, though, they're all happily married...<BR>

THIS woman wants to be ...<P>... looked at like she's a SUPERmodel ;)<BR>... listened to like her opinions count<BR>... talked to like her advice matters<BR>... played with like a best friend, or maybe a puppy or kitten<BR>... respected as an equal but separate entity<BR>... admired like a superhero, sports legend or rock star<BR>... cherished like a sky full of stars<BR>... loved as a mother loves a child<BR>... treated like a lady, not a queen or a servant<P>and here you go TLFM-<BR>... made love to like an animal in heat (sometimes) :P'''<P><BR>I certainly don't want a man who thinks I'm perfect ... that's too much pressure to live up to!!<P>I want a man who makes me feel like I'm intelligent, but also makes me want to learn more ...<P> a man who makes me feel like he would love me no matter what I look like, but who also gently encourages me to take care of myself<P> ... who knows when he asks ''what's wrong'' the difference between <B>''nothing''</B> and <I>''nothing''</I> by my eyes<P> ... when to leave me alone and when to hold me and not let go.<P>I guess I need a man who I can tell these things to, so he doesn't feel like he has to guess which time is which!!<P>I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO KNOW WHAT MEN WANT!!<BR><p>[This message has been edited by T-L-C (edited July 03, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by GnomeDePlume:<BR><B> I believe I know a fair number of such men. As far as I know, though, they're all happily married...</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>Yeah, me too...that's the problem! HA!<P>So....while were at it....what do men want?<P><BR>

A lot less meatloaf, and a lot more support.

T-L-C summed up what this man wants. I have nothing to add.<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

No, Mrs. O (and I do hope its a 'big' O and not a little one! LOL) That was for TLFM, too.<P>For me it boils down like this:<P>I have come by my values in a variety of ways, most of them difficult. I have given a lot to make my family work. I never asked for anything from anyone that I could not get myself. I have failed on some things miserably...I have succeeded greatly in other endeavors. I spend a huge portion of my time taking care of other's needs, and I have only one desperate need in life, and that is for someone who appreciates, and shares my life the way it is. I want someone who can treat me the way I treat others. I wnat a little service (not servitude), a little justification (not blind approval) and a little attaboy now and again, but MOST of all, I want respect. For example, I have coached youth soccer for 7 years, and I am not the typical 'win at all costs coach'...everyone plays the same, and everyone contributes. We mostly get our asses kicked, but EVERY time...I mean EVERY time FOR 7 YEARS, the kids have enjoyed it. In 7 years, I have had 4 kids who dod not like this, they are on the 'all-star' teams, and struggling. There are some kids that refuse to play if they can't be on my team....one of them is the daughter of my XW's new friend (who's brother is the OM!) That child (14 year old female) is very special to me. I have no daughters, and she is a good kid. I know she would not have played when she was 7 if I hadn'r coached...she told me so. She has become an excellent player, and WE ACTUALLY WON THREE MATCHED THIS YEAR, AND tied two. I believe in those kids, but all I ever got from my XW is...call your team...you're going to be late, did you do this...did you do that. Never once did she say that she appreciated the effort, or could she help. In fact, she tried to coach our 6 year old's team, and I ended up doing that, too...oh, yes, I have coached two teams at once THREE years! The head coach position in the high school is open, and I have THREE sons eligible for that team....plus, my surrogate daughter...guess what? I am going for it!<P>I also spend s good deal of my spare (WHAT?) time experimenting and doing woodworking. I am an amateur scientist, and I have built some interesting things, like a biofeedback monitor for my comuter, a telescope, and many other things like that. She begged off supporting me on that stuff from the start...she said it was too confusing (BS...she's HIGHLY intelligent, but well, lazy.) I cannot abide letting my mind atrophy, I MUST LEARN, AND DO! As far as the woodworking, I got stuff like...'My Mom loves the table, and the floor.' Really...she does? Woodworking is what men do when their wives quit supporting them. It is a sign that says, talk to this man. See, in wood working, you take a beautiful thing, and you shape it according to its needs, and it becomes beautiful as a result. IT validates you when you look at it, and when others appreciate it, it makes you feel good.<P>Long winded, but here is the bullet:<BR> I want to be appreciated for the things I do, the concessions I make for the greater good, and I want to share my discoveries with someone who is interested in them, too. I want a partner that can make me feel good about what I do, and who I am. I don't want, or need a nursemaid, although (TLFM, and others), a maid outfit might be helpful once in a while.<BR> Men tend to view the world at large as a war, and their home as a sanctuary. The first part is fueled by pride, which is a sin, but the second part...that is key to it all for me. My home looks like a DMZ, not a sanctuary, and I STILL have no control over it. Now, my 17 year old's friends pass in and out of here at will like a cool breeze. ITs a major problem, and I have taken to sending them away, and they call ALL THE TIME. Its as if since the XW left, this is supposed to be a hang out, or something. I can't (won't) abide that.

Actually, <I>this</I> man just wants his wife back. <BR>

Waiting for Her:<BR> I own a french maid outfit- need anything dusted off? HEHEHEHE- JUST KIDDING!!!! (Thank you for your references to me in your response- I have unfortunately been having a very horny lonely week!!!) Couldn't let Mrs. O leave my favorite past time off the list!!! (hhmmmm- I might need to take up woodworking!) LOL<P>Gnome-<BR>I hope you weren't offended by my "marriage proposal" on the other thread- How long have you been divorced? Are you NOT divorced? I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable!!! You just sound like someone I'd like to know!! <P>Hope someday your wives come back to you both 'cause you sure seem to be wonderful men!!!<P>TLFM (and I do enjoy a big O and not a little one! )

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Too Late For Me?:<BR><B>Gnome-<BR>I hope you weren't offended by my "marriage proposal" on the other thread- How long have you been divorced? Are you NOT divorced? I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable!!! You just sound like someone I'd like to know!! </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>No, no. No offense. I'm actually rather difficult to offend. My wife deserted me a year ago and filed for divorce last September. It's a matter of weeks now before the divorce becomes final...<BR>

Okay....to clear up the "O" (big or little).....<P>...it's part of my name. And no, my parents weren't sex fiends who named their kids after bodily functions....<P> <p>[This message has been edited by Mrs.O (edited July 03, 2001).]

TLFM - LOL...your humor, I hope serves you well while you are 'waiting', too...Hang in there!<P>Mrs.O I AM SO SORRY, your posts are always dignified, and I COULD NOT RESIST THAT. When I was in AF basic training, there was another guy there Myung Chul O, I remember his name for two reasons:<BR> 1. He had a lot of character throughout that ordeal.<BR> 2. He was harassed continuously about being 'Airman Zero' by the Training Instructors, but kept his cool until one day, he said, 'Sometimes, I just get so angry....', and he lept up, and kick out an acoustic tile, and just walked away. No one teased him after that. He was a good man, and I still respect him 20 years later. I have no idea where he went after that, but I do hope that they left him out of that for their sakes!<BR>

No offense taken...After I picked that moniker, I was hoping no one would think THAT was what I was referring to. (And pretty soon, I'm probably not gonna be a "Mrs." anymore, so I probably think of a new one anyway.)<P>I don't know how dignified my posts are, but in person I would have been embarrassed...I tend to be on the conservative side when it comes to talking/joking about sex, etc. I'm kinda old-fashioned that way. <P>Anyway, have a great day!<BR>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Mrs.O (edited July 05, 2001).]