I am positive, that I am not alone in this. <P>My husband has the typical "man voice" when talking to other men. BUT when it's a woman that he is speaking with, the tone changes. It becomes more soft, deeper, generally sexier. This is the same tone he uses to talk to me in bed. <P>It bothers me to hear it. I tell him. He apologizes and says he will try to be more conscientious, but a day later ... you know what voice he has. Then we go and talk about it again. He says that he is not aware that he is doing it. How can someone be oblivious to their tone? <P>I feel we are at an impasse. I am getting tired of "I'm sorry" and nothing changing. And we are both tired of rehashing it for the millionth time. Please, I am looking for any and all suggestions.

B,<P>I know the voice.... My husband has it too. I can usually tell who has called, or who he is talking to by the tone of his voice. He also is clueless to this change in his voice. There are seperate ones for his parents, my parents, his sisters, my sisters.... etc.... <P>Have you noticed this also, or just the difference between men & women?<P>Could this be a "man" thing?<P>

Dawn,<BR>To be honest, I don't think the "phone voice" is a "man thing," women do it too. Before I married, I was guilty of the "phone voice" and much like your husband, there were changes on how low or sexy depending on who's on the other end. I also believe that men are generally not aware that they even have one. Women are, by nature, more compassionate and mindful of their partner's issues or just common courtesy. Women ask why, how and every other question they can think of, where men are genuinely sorry and just want it accepted. Oops, that was a tangent...I apologize.<BR>To answer you question, my husband has 2 voices, he likes in the creative voice department But as soon as a non-relative female is on the phone, whether this man is ordering a pizza or talking to his sisters 17 year old friend, it's there...<BR>I have to give him credit, he tries and he does reassure me and apologize most sincerely.<BR>*** To all, who find themselves in a similar situation. My husband and I talked a great deal last night. This is what we decided to do: As soon as I hear the "phone voice," I tell my husband, by uses a non-aggessive word "yellow" is what we choose. This is like a secret signal to us both. To me, it is I have taken control of my environment by stating there was a problem with his voice. And him, he is quietly made aware of his voice and HE is made aware and will change his voice to an appropriate tone. I suggest to the women who are going through this, that you discuss with your mate, that it is chauvinistic to talk to any women with the "phone voice."

My H also had this habit when we first married. When I noticed it, I asked him who he was talking to. He said it was a clients daughter. I asked him why was he talking to her like she was a little cute puppy? He denied that he did it and we argued. Finally I made him see that he really did do this. In fact the clients daughter developed a crush on my H, because she mistook the baby talk for affection to her. I dont have that problem and talk to all people the same, especially if they are strangers. Perhaps my voice changes when I am talking to a relative that I love or am happy to talk to. I too could always tell when he was talking to a woman...his voice became softer and more gigglier. He even tried to make jokes to amuse them and be clever. And we are talking about the operator or receptionist he didnt even know. Now he doesnt do it, because he knows that I dont like it and he doesnt want me talking to men like that on the phone. But honestly he really wasnt aware that he did it. Another thing I told my husband when we first married was that I didnt mind him glancing at other women when we were out, but please refrain from glancing a second or third time...which he also did without realizing it. I know it's normal for men to "look" as they say, but I told him that I didnt like the women he was looking at to have the satisfaction of thinking my H was oggling them. He understood and became aware of this also. Now we have no problems, and we respect each others pet peeves. Another thing he used to do is show off in front of our daughters girlfriends. Try to be witty and so on....when our daughter ask me to talk with him and tell him that her friends thought he was a bit weird and to stop showing off infront of her fiends, I did. he had no clue as to how he looked when he did this. It's funny when I think about it...wish I had video taped some things. I told him... be polite, and friendly but lets not overdo it, and become the court jester...LOL.. Perhaps it goes back to all men being little boys at heart and wanting or needing attention.

bautum, i've noticed i have a different voice when i talk to women live or on the phone. i became aware of it several years ago, by my own observation, and now i notice the same with most men. i suspect it has something to do with how men relate with women in general and it probably started in the very beginning wiht mom, babysetters, sunday school teacher, den mothers, etc.. i would guess it's too late to change these current males. and i suggest it's probably not the most serious thing to worry about.

Frankie,<P>I'm sure there are wives or girlfriends that have guys that use the "phone voice" and it doesnt bother them. But for those of us it does bother, I think that if you love someone, you are willing to please them and change some habits. If nothing else than for peace of mind. We live in a society that is somewhat broken down with people who have no morals or quams about stealing another's mate away. I feel if we conduct ourselves in a flirtacious manner with people, we are creating situations that could become harmful. Sure 90 percent of the time it is harmless and leads to nothing, but I do not want other women, young or old assuming that my H is overly fond of them or is on the make. My H loves and respects my feelings and he was willing to change this. I in turn love him more for his willingness to please me. My H had been a bachelor for awhile before we wed, and I know it was difficult to turn around a habit that he instictively did. And I dont mean to say he cant laugh or be friendly to women on the phone, but we know the difference in laughing in general and that little, laugh and tease, that like B said her H used in bed with her. That kind of intimate talk belongs to we wives and us alone.

My husband also has the "phone voice" and I agree with the concept that that voice s/b designated specifically for the wife/girlfriend. All you men out there must take into consideration that using this voice with other women (however innocent) makes your spouse uncomfortable (generally speaking), if your relationship is troubled this "voice" is not going to HELP the situation at all. Especially if you're not using it on your wife/girlfriend at all. For me, it's like he's flirting right in front of me... and that is no fun at all.