Desperately need advice. <BR>This is my situation: My husband of two years told me on Christmas Day 2000 that he wanted a divorce because he was no longer in love with me and because we had fundamental differences of humor & timing. There is no other woman. He simply states that we do not good in marriage and does not want to go to counseling. Also, his father passed away from cancer on our second anniversary, September 2000, so he is grieving for him. I think my husband had emotional overload, I would complain and vent my feelings to him (mistake!, now I know). I try to be supportive and pleasant to him, (not his decision--I've made it clear I want to work on our marriage), whenever he calls. Please, if you have any advice to offer I would greatly appreciate it. My husband has filed for divorce, but is moving slow in getting things wrapped up. At times it seems he is going through a mid-life crisis, although he is only 29. I pray and remain as patient as possible, giving my husband all the space he needs.Thank You.

I will pray for some peace for you now, that is what you need more than anything else, despite what you think. Your situation is despearte, delicate, catastrophic, and imminently fixable, but you may not like how it gets 'fixed'. First of all, Welcome to Marriage Builders!<P>I can't quite roll it out like Nyneve...she is the 'Welcome Wagon' around here, but I guess she is making fruit baskets today, so I am left to do this...sorry!<P>Your pain is great, your burden heavy. It is time to take care of yourself, and heal. You will need your strength both spiritually, and physically in this crisis, so perpare yourself. Do not hold on too tightly to your misery, it is not a lifeline, it is an anchor. Let it come, and then let it go. Crying is good, bawling bad. Get it?<P>Read this site in its entirety, you can add it to your favorites, and make it available offline, then read it at your leisure. Read 'Love Must Be Tough' by Dr. James Dobson, there are many books on this subject, find some that 'speak to your heart', and start getting better today...there is more pain in the future waiting, get your momentum moving the other way. Quit reacting to the hurt, it causes more. Get right with God, he is the only one who can truly help you.<P>You will get more solid advice by being more specific...a cry for help will go unanswered if you don't say what, and why. This process (the forum, not your marriage) is to let YOU figure it out, we are only sounding boards, with OPINIONS. You need a party that will listen, knows your situation (probably at least a dozen here do, very specifically...someone will say, 'That's just like me!'), and will be supportive, but not let you harm yourself/chances.<P>Take care...relax...breathe. Be content with your life EVERY day. It will get better...it will get worse...you will still be here tomorrow, BE CONTENT IN THAT. God Bless you, I am praying for us all.

Thank You.<BR>I read Dr. Dobson's book and even wrote to him! One of his counselors called me back. It's just difficult and scary waiting for my husband to figure things out, hoping he'll follow the right path.

Your husband has lost touch with his loving feeling for you<P>I suggest that you get a counsellor in soon or minister before you loose him<P>He needs to be reached in a pastoral way and only a professional can look into his thinking and help him<P>If he will not go you go for help<P>Because if you do not your marriage will drown<P>All the best and good luck<P>Write to my pastor ur2rad@aol.com <BR>Carol<P>

Hello,<P>I am sorry for what you are going through.I am also in a very similar situation.My husband also just "decided" he didn't want to be married anymore.This happened seven weeks ago,I was pregnant at the time and lost the baby.<P>I turned to the people on this site and the support of all the people here saved my life.It was unbelievable.<P>I am still very new and have no real advice to give.Just know that people are here for you.<P>SAD (no longer alone)

CarolBo,<BR>Thank You. I am seeing a Christian counselor and find her helpful. I've spoken several times to my husband's childhood pastor, my husband will not return his pastor's calls. The pastor told me the only thing I could really do at this time was pray. At times I think that if my husband returns to his faith and finds peace with his fathers death he will come home. Then I worry and think, well what happens if he returns to the faith but doesn't come home? Is that really returning to his faith? Or am I just making up some self serving argument, and will I be disappointed with God?<BR>It does get confusing at times! <BR>Thank you for your pastor's e-mail. I will contact him.

Sadandalone,<BR>My thoughts and prayers are with you. Thank you for your support.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by prayformymarriage:<BR><B>Desperately need advice. <BR>This is my situation: My husband of two years told me on Christmas Day 2000 that he wanted a divorce because he was no longer in love with me and because we had fundamental differences of humor & timing. There is no other woman. He simply states that we do not good in marriage and does not want to go to counseling. Also, his father passed away from cancer on our second anniversary, September 2000, so he is grieving for him. I think my husband had emotional overload, I would complain and vent my feelings to him (mistake!, now I know). I try to be supportive and pleasant to him, (not his decision--I've made it clear I want to work on our marriage), whenever he calls. Please, if you have any advice to offer I would greatly appreciate it. My husband has filed for divorce, but is moving slow in getting things wrapped up. At times it seems he is going through a mid-life crisis, although he is only 29. I pray and remain as patient as possible, giving my husband all the space he needs.Thank You.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>A Standers Affirmation <P>I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!... I will not give up, give in, give out or give over 'til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words... in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad...so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down 'til the breakdown is torn down!<P><BR>I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldy, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous... nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God's real thing, nor will I seek to lower God's standard, twist God's will, rewrite God's word, violate God's covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!<P><BR>In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God's faithfulness.<P><BR>I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit.. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.<P><BR>I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up 'til my marriage is healed. <P>Keep in touch and my prayers are with you and your family.<P>

Thank You and God Bless You.