Sorry, I'm in shock right now. Her lover woke me up this morning and served me more papers from her lawyer. I'm too upset to look at them yet.<P>My wife... lying to me over so many years... the woman who didn't even want me talking to other females... who always led me to believe she was much stronger than I... who always told me I'm weak in the face of temptation... my wife is sleeping with OM, even up to last night. <P>A woman... just as bad as any man. A woman... who supposedly is "sugar and spice and everything nice".... A woman... who's told me for years now that she doesn't like or miss sex, (or touch or hugs...). my wife... the woman I fell in love with... and she turns out to be rotten inside.<P>Jackson Browne's song "In the shape of a heart" sure fits my situation; specifically the lines about the shallows and unseen reefs, the cracks and faults that have been there from the start, in the shape of a heart. <P>God, how long is this nightmare going to last? When do I get to wake up??!! <BR>I sure wish ... this and that and the other... but most of all I just wish I could wake up and realize this has all been the worst dream of my life, but just a dream.<P>Thanks very much for any thoughts and prayers.<P>------------------<BR>Waiting for God...

Yes, some thoughts and prayers, and even a hug for you:<P>(((((classical musician)))))<P>Can you play your music right now? Play your heart out!! Ever see that Adam Sandler movie... um... I can't remember the name (sorry) but he writes and sings and plays... and finds some kind of healing in that...<P>

thank you very much... it helps, believe it or not, to read a message from a stranger... <P>Yes, I'm still playing and it really does help a lot. Last night, 4th of July, I played a concert that included BJ Thomas, (of "Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head" fame), as well as lots of patriotic stuff and fireworks. Very tough for me, lots of playing, but SO therapeutic. Today and tomorrow and Sunday I'll be playing some operas and I sure thank God for that too. But no matter how much I play and no matter how much it helps, it doesn't take away the problem.... But I sure thank God for this gift and the ability to use it. Believe me, when I play, I really am playing my heart out...<P>Thanks again<P>------------------<BR>Waiting for God...

Hi there...I was just compelled to respond only because I think my husband feels alot like you do. I am the one that screwed up.....I said the exact things to my husband about sex and touching that your wife did. I never lived with someone, but it could have easily gotten to that point. My husband even quotes Jackson Browne's song "The Pretender" to me all the time. He tells me that he has been the "happy idiot" and didn't even know that's what he was. Just alot of similarities in our lives. I'm not sure if my husband is going to take me back. He is the one that has had enough of the lies and lines. I'm hoping, but can't blame him if he goes through with our divorce.<P>Good Luck....I know that my husband is devastated. His whole life is upside down and I don't know how to help him even though I'm now willing to do whatever it takes.....it just may not be enough for us. Hope it is for you. I know that music has been a BIG solace to my husband during all of this.<P>Good Luck - hope things go well with you, if that is what you want!<P>Peggy

You got it.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{classicalmusician}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{classicalmusician}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I'm so sorry you are hurting today. I do remember your last post, about playing the trumpet, and I'm glad you have that way of expressing yourself. My daughter plays the trumpet too (just started this year) and it's amazing how much she has learned in just one year! <P>In your old post you wrote: "I play the trumpet, and have for about 34 years, (I can't believe it, but I turn 45 this<BR>year... so I do remember the 60's and 70's fondly). I love almost all kinds of music, but hate with a passion rap and hip hop. I love classical music most of all, but also love rock,some jazz, and I love foreign music: Asian, European, African etc. <BR>My favorite composers are Beethoven, Mahler and Shostakovich. Beethoven because his music is so compact yet also packed full of life and love. Mahler because he has such beautiful melodies and phrases, and is such a blast to play. Plus I used to listen to his music as I fell asleep and really felt like I heard voices talking to me in the music, speaking in a language I didn't understand, but with very, very clear feelings. And Shostakovich because his music is such a blast to play: it gives me such a high; also his music is so strong and powerful, and speaks very clearly about oppression--yet speaks about it in riddles.<P>I also love The Who, The Rolling Stones, Genesis (the original band), Emerson Lake and Palmer, I adore Bob Dylan's music, and many, many others. I love Indonesian Gamelan music, Japanese classical music, European folk music, music of India of all types, and on and on. I don't care nearly as much for "top 40" music; I want music that says something<BR>to my heart, not just ear candy. "<P>Sounds like music is a huge part of your life. Don't you just love the way you can say with music what you can't say in words? Personally, my favorite composer is Mozart. I love his harmonies and melodies, and I'm not sure if this will make sense to you, but his music seems sort of mathematically correct to me! I also love smooshy romantic composers like "Blue Danube" by Johann Strauss and almost anything from Claude Debussy. Sorry--like I said, I'm smooshy.<P>I have an idea that might make you feel a little better. Why don't you write to us what YOUR favorite songs are and why. Thinking about your music might help.<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Man! Can I ever relate to what you said about wishing it was all just the worst dream of your life. That's exactly how I feel.<P>Along those lines, I was driving with my ex of one week and, looking at her then, it was as if NONE of the two and a half years of brutal discussions about our dying love ever took place! It must be natures way of shutting off really ugly stuff at times.<P>Good luck, acknowledge the pain and try to move ahead as best you can...<BR>

Hi classical musician,<P>Your handle caught my eye because I am a decidedly UNclassical musician, LOL Ever since I saw the flick "Bonnie & Clyde" in '67 I've been in love with the 5-string banjo and eventually got good enough to quit my "day job".<BR>Between the bluegrass festivals and some studio work...doing pretty well. This, of course, has mortified my father, who supported mom and us kids for many years as a union trumpet player (Metropolitan Opera, Broadway shows, etc). To this day he refers to me as "my son, the hillbilly" LOL. <P>Oh well, cm, I can feel the pain in your posts.....hang in there and play your heart out! I'm sending prayers your way that your W comes to her senses....or, at least, that you get to feeling better.<P>Sincerely,<BR>Xman <BR>

CJ..Mozart is my favorite, too...his music is based on math, and there are a number of books that examine that. There is also growing evidence that it make you 'think better'. BUT.....honestly, I've got to put my two cents' worth in for Vivaldi. Violin music moves me the most, and his just cooks. I'm not much of a musician, but I do play some of the 'Four Seasons' on the keyboard, just to make the noise myself!<P>{{{{{ CM}}}}}...some from me, too! Please separate your W from her behavior, and don't insult all women because one wronged you, or two wronged you, or whatever. Have you ever played a trumpet that just 'didn't feel/sound' right? People can be that way, too. The difference is that we can make ourselves better. Too bad people don't see that more often.<P>I can't make things better for you...I wish I could. I don't like to see people suffering, and I don't like to suffer, either. Don't know why we can't get it right. Sorry.

<BR>Classical Musician,<P>Just writin to see how you are holding up? You sounded justifiably angry on your last post. But I know that is usually followed by sadness over "What could have been or could still be".<P> I'm an amateur musician (clarinet) and I know how music can sing to your soul. My STBXH was a trumpet player also, but it was a long time ago. But it was how we met. So now playing makes me sad, and that fact makes me sad as well. <P>I hope you are doing OK. We are thinking of you. <P><P>------------------<BR>SoSad.59

I too feel like the last person worthy to give you any advice or consolation. I am the one that is screwing up big time in my realtionship. But if you let me explain, I think just like teenage years are so crazy and confusing... us, human beings go through a worst period (which I don't even know the name for it...midlife crisis maybe) where all goes out of sink. Goals, dreams, values, priorities they all seem to shift and depression and selfishness takes over. God I hope this is only a stage... a real short one. I feel like the worst scum on earth, yet I can't get myself to do what I know is right. I hope my H just loves me enough to hang in there and wait for me until I get out of this. Hugs to you and bless your heart. You sure are a sweet musician.<P>"A LITTLE BOY WHO LOVED MUSIC WAS BITTERLY DISAPPOINTED BECAUSE HE COULD NEITHER PLAY NOR SING. BUT AMATI, THE VIOLIN MAKER, SAID: THERE ARE MANY WAYS OF MAKING MUSIC. WHAT MATTERS IS THE SONG IN THE HEART. SO ANTONIO STRADIVARIUS WAS ENCOURAGED TO BECOME THE WORLD'S GREATEST VIOLIN MAKER. " <P>hUGS AND KISSES, LADY DANTE