14 years ago, July 4th, 1987 I asked my wife to marry me... I always said she really did see fireworks the night I asked. July 5th, 2001, I signed the divorce papers.... kinda makes a full circle doesn't it.<BR>My X-wife is much happier now without me and my son likes the OM.... boy do I hate being replaced!<BR>Is this sour grapes? YEP....<BR>Mike

Hey Mike,<P>I know how you feel, it really sucks big time. <BR>Hang in there,<P>Bob

Ditto that. I know exactly the feeling. But you know what? As much as our ex's are replacing us in their minds, they'll never replace us in the minds of our children, to them we are and always will be Dad. Take care.<BR>Jax.

Mike,<P>Ditto on the "full circle" statement. I signed my divorce papers on the day of my 2-year anniversary.<P><some> Women suck! Sorry ladies

Yes, some of us suck, but sometimes that's an advantage <P>(slap me, I'm naughty)<P>Mike, I'm so sorry to hear that it's final. I'm so sorry that you feel replaced. I'm so sorry there is so much testosterone in this room! Know why? While it's true that some women suck, and I'll even admit that some of us are b*tches, some are pretty sensitive and comforting too. <P>You know, behaving decently during the loving part of a love relationship is the easy part--it's behaving decently when the loving part is over that is a true test of character, and you know what, Mike. You have character. You should be proud of yourself. I know it's sad, and I know you feel awful inside, but you did a good job.<P>We'll be here when you want to talk again. I'd even understand if you just want to vent about women--but just a couple times--okay <P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Faithful, you slay me.... LMAOx1,000,000.. <P>Daggone girl. <P>I couldn't read the rest of your post I'm laughing so hard. <P>Tex.

Mike,<P>I'm sorry to hear the news, old friend. Keep your head up---you've dealt with all this crap very well.

Thanks everyone for your replies.... Faithfulwife your killing me hahahahahaha<BR>I don't want to vent on women. This is one of those situations that must be right, or true love. Too much has gone right for the two of them. They have been accepted by each others family, all of the kids like them (his d's my son)... I think my marriage was the lie. I don't know where his divorce stands but I am pretty sure they will end up married once he is divorced. Two families blown apart to make one couple... sometimes it's hard to understand. I am trying to be philisophical but....

Looks awful rosey, don't it? Well, there's another reason for that...it's called making the best of a bad situation...kids do that. They don't have our baggage to lug into it.<P>I wouldn't make that much out of it. They have impossible odds. True love? Man, you sound like a WAS! That will fade like it always does.<P>Yes, CJ is a riot...but she has a heckuva mess to clean up after that pity party! Mud, fish, vegetables, ice cream...whoah!<BR>

mkn,<P>I wanted to address one thing you said, "I think my marriage was a lie." Just so you know, this is one of the biggest struggles I have today, AND I'M STILL MARRIED! See, when my H left, like everyone else I felt like my world turned inside out on me. It took a while, but I got back on my feet and started to feel good about myself again. But it was REALLY hard for me to deal with the notion that my illusion of our marriage was just that--AN ILLUSION. <P>See, like most, I thought that my marriage and my relationship was extra special. We were unique. I was special to him; I was secure with him; and I was irritating, but nonetheless, always loved by him. It is still hard for me to pound it into my little skull that we were NOT unique. I was not special to him. I was NOT NOT NOT secure with him. I was irritating, and that somehow lead to not being loved by him. It's a lot like the death of innocence--I'm not naive any more!<P>Then, later on after we reconciled, I found out that throughout our whole marriage, he had been turning to other women. This was devastating, and more than anything else, I didn't want it to be true! Not only was my perception of my marriage an illusion, it was a lie from the start!! GOD!! What a mess!<P>Anyway, I don't think our marriages were lies, mkn. I don't think that how your W and OP are accepted or liked or whatever is any reflection of the "truth" of your marriage. You two did at one time feel love for one another. You two did at one time believe that you could commit to a lifetime together. See--it was true. But, some of our perception may have been veiled or incorrect. <P>Okay, I'm just learning this and figuring this out myself, but I did think it would be nice to know that this is EXACTLY what so many people struggle with. "Was it EVER real, or was it just a lie from the start?" It was real enough to create a son and a daughter! You know, the truth is that they probably like him just because he gives them more stuff--after all, they are children, right? <P>mkn, you should come to my pity party. We are all wallowing in self-pity over there and snarfing down the chocolate. Here is your personal invitation.<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Wow Faithful,<BR>You sure have a way with words. I guess we all think our marriages are unique and that we can draw strength in our spouses love. How do our spouses just fall out of love? That question haunts me and I wonder if am I am lovable after all.<BR> <BR>Mike,<BR> I hope that is not the way you feel. Your children may like this other guy, but your wife is teaching them that it is OK to break promises. And that there are no consequences if you do walk away from your promises.<BR>I guess that leaves it up to you to teach them to be responsbile. That when you promise that you will always love them, that YOU won't walk away when an interesting alternative presents itself.<BR>But it does really hurt when it seems that they don't miss us in their lives at all. Makes me question if the love was one sided and all on my part. But you know, I remember the wonderful loving times even if he chooses to focus on the negative now. I need him to remember and miss what was "us". I guess that way I will feel that our marriage was real and was valid. You know what I mean? I was married 22 years, and it doesn't seem right that it is so easy for us to be replaced. Especially when its like this new person is now living YOUR life. But Mike, at least we have character. And NOBODY can take that away. <P>Be there for your kids no matter what happens with the other guy. My STBXH has not even spoken to our children in over 6 months. He is busy with his new honey's children. He says that no matter what he has done, someday they will need him and come to him. He doesn't realize that even if he is their Dad, if he puts nothing into their relationship, they will learn to reach out to the people that did, not him. It has gotten to the point that he will probably never have a relationship with his own kids in the future - they have been hurt that badly. So yes, you will always be their biological Dad. Just please be their real Dad from now on too. <BR>I'm thinking and praying for both them and you.<BR>Lisa <BR><p>[This message has been edited by SoSad.59 (edited July 07, 2001).]

Character is what you do when no one else is watching.<p>[This message has been edited by SoSad.59 (edited July 07, 2001).]