I've been married 4 months. This is my second marriage. My first marriage was to an alcoholic who really "never loved me"..his words. Now..from the fire to the frying pan, I go from an alcoholic to ..well..not exactly sure but I think..he's an addict. I guess I didn't learn what I needed to the first time.<P>He sustains chronic pain from a neck injury which requires the use of narcotics. He has a history of meds abuse. We dated 4 years before we married and we had trials and tribulations with his meds but I was convinced (gullable?) that he had his problem under control. I try so hard to have compassion for his injury but I do feel that he takes advantage of it sometimes.<P>I feel awful. I've been lied to about the meds..again. I feel like I set myself up for this mess and I should have known better than to believe him, but I did. To complicate matters worse, either a side affect of his meds or underlying things I'm unaware of have yet to surface because our sexlife is..well..<BR>lets say it leaves a lot to be desired! I'm left feeling very frustrated. I'm lucky if we get intimate once a month..usually only after a tearful episode of sheer frustration.<P>The anger part comes in when I come home from work and find him in his robe sleeping on the couch..every day!! If he's not sleeping, then he's barking orders at the kids from his<BR>command center (the couch). He does go to work early (5:30am) and he does have chronic pain, but I seriously don't think his disability has him so bad off that he has to practacly live on that couch..and eat ice cream by the half gallon. (which makes him even more sleepy). I find myself FURIOUS when I get home because i CANNOT sit down. I have to immediately start in on dinner..check in with the kids..no time to unwind..taxi the kids to their activities, etc..while Mr Sleeping Giant is sprawled on the couch. Sometimes he wakes up and graces us with his presence but only for brief periods of time<BR>or if a kid tries to change the channel on TV. :-) He must be in posession of the controller at ALL times..even while sleeping.<P>He has a daughter and I have 2 sons that live with us. We're a very close family (during waking hours). My husband and I get along very well as companions and we have a whole lot in common (when he's awake). However, I've about had it. I told him yesterday that this marriage is simply not working anymore. I'm angry..it's showing..we've had many, MANY long talks about this stuff and nothing changes for very long. I'm really feeling like I adopted another kid instead of marrying a husband. I may sound selfish by writing this, but..what's in it for ME??<P>I'm not the straying type, but I'm afraid I will stray from this marriage if I can't get what I need out of it.<P>Don't get me wrong..he's a good man in many ways but maybe since I'm so upset, I'm accentuating the bad things. He's extremely affectionate and snuggly, but no sex. He's got a great sense of humor and when he's awake, he's good to the kids. I love him dearly, but yes..I'm fuming mad and don't know how to release my anger without hurting the marriage even worse than it is already.<P>Any advice? Help??? I don't want to divorce twice!!! I want this thing to work somehow.

What did he say to you when you told him you're afraid you'll stray from this marriage if you don't get your needs met?<P>Explore alternatives to medication, accupuncture is now covered by most medical plans. Your H is obviously depressed, seek help for that.<P>Good luck