Too much history and too much trying. Just plain tired now.<BR>Did I mention I'm tired of trying. I've put forth so many years of verbal and a little physical abuse (kinda laughing at that one). Begged for conseling. Always, always communicated my thoughts, feelings, blah, blah. Took and reacted upon all reasonable good advise... communication, flowers, deeds of service, affection (constantly)....!! Yes, even impelmented this site.<BR>I'm tired of trying. I'm giving up and not going to try too much. I want to just end it. Was so miserable that yes, have reached those lonely depths that make one feel so inadequet that thoughts of self destruction flow so easily. Now, after countless attempts to have a normal life she now starts to put a small, miniscule effort to show that there is a tinge of nonlaziness there. It's like seeing a dimple in that brick wall I've bloodied my head against for so many years. I no longer trust her with my emotions. i wished she would have cheated on me rather than know she's really that uninterested in me/sex?? Of course there's alot of history here. I don't want to reveal too much right now. <BR>I'm gonna get lovin elsewhere. The once in while stuff is too maddening and porn ain't doing it. I long to hang out and hang on someone kissin and petting. Sharing a few drinks and being just stupid. Staying at home watchin the tv everyday is boring. I so dig romance and beauty. I used to cherish my friend (my wife). she's mentally left me. I long to cherish someone. I have a need to put someone up on a pedestal. I need to touch and feel. I feel so dead otherwise. It keeps me alive! I can't contain what I need to give. It's like bottling a river...or something.<BR>

I'm not quite sure how to reply to your post. I hate to see one with no response. You sound so much like my husband in that I was never exciting enough for him. I don't know your situation, all I can do is to say what my beliefs are - marriage is a covenant. To me unless there is abuse - of any type- you stick together. I do not believe in being miserable in a marriage and it sounds like you are. Could there possibly be a mid-life crisis or just some overall boredom on both of your parts? As I said, I do not know your situation, but I believe there is alway hope. If there is any love left at all, there is always the chance that things can improve - esp. if you can bring God into the equation. Don't know if this is of any help or not, but my feeling is that you still love her, but are at a loss as to what to do next? Is she open to counselling? My husband is not and a divorce is looming in the next few months. I still love him with all my heart, but he doesn't feel that I will ever be able to meet his "needs". He was tired of being frustrated sexually. He wanted some of the excitement that you speak of, except he did not want it with me. Quite a ego buster! I am not putting down your feelings - they are quite ligit., but don't do anything that you might regret later. Just my two cents! <P>TB

I came by earlier, and passed...tell you why. Your post has a suicidal tone to it, and people don't merely run from that...they jet from it, not because they think you might, but we are not qualified to help that. Please get some help if that's the way you feel.<P>I know what you mean. You've overinvested in your marriage emotionally; its like you have no identity outside of it. That's a problem, especially in this situation. Your love will be a liability in this, unless you 'get smart' quick.<P>I feel your pain, I really do. I can't make things better for you, but you can. Please see to that.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by waiting_for_her (edited July 07, 2001).]

OK<BR>

Red Thank you for responding. <BR>1st of all I'm not at all bored. In fact I've always leaned towards stability. So I'm sure your present situation has blurred your view of me. That's alright.... I haven't given that much info. To clarify: I want a relationship with the woman I've married. She doesn't talk to me ( indepth) so simply put I can't guess what her needs are. I've tried over the years to fully describe my very simple needs but as those years came and went so did "her" efforts and interests. For her to respond to me now is like seeing a dimple in the brickwall I've been banging my bloodied head against for so long. My sigh is long and over due. It seems too late now. I no longer have the energy or desire to try. I'm tired of feeling frustrated which breeds anger over time. I so wanted to be with her but apparently she's bored with me. My desire to be intimate 2-3 times a week is too much mauling. My desire for romance is childish. I always want to give but a slap in face is what I get in return. I can't keep myself sane with that. If I bring her flowers and she beaches at me for whatever. Do you think I should keep it up. I remember makinglove and couldn't wait until it was over because of the lack of interest on her part.<BR>WEll, there's so much more here. i'm sorry if I remind you of your hubby but our situations are distinct.<BR>Oh and as far s making an analogy with the depths of pain. Tha's all it was, a comparison. I wasn't contemplating anything toward the destruction of my soul. Seriously now.