I need some advice.<BR>Some Background: My husband left 1 1/2 years ago.I finally filed for divorce because he has repeatedly said that he is not interested in reconciliation. Since he is the one who wants to divorce, I asked him to be the one to file, but he never would. He said he didn't want to spend the money. After I found that he has taken his new girlfriend on 2 vacations over the last 6 months and bought a new boat that he attempted to hide from me, I decided I would not let him use money as an excuse anymore. So it killed me but I hired a lawyer and filed.<BR>This is where I need advice.<BR>He has now told me that his girlfriend and her XH used the same lawyer to save money, and he thinks this is a swell idea. Apparently he wants to get out of a 22 yr marriage as cheaply as possible. I'm all for saving money but I am not sure if this is in my best interests. I've got 2 children to provide for. I know the lawyer is supposed to look after my and the children's best interests, but how can she do that if she represents both of us? I also wonder if he is trying to manipulate me. I filed under adultry so I think he feels that our assets are more likely to be split 50/50 if we have one lawyer. I need someone to look after my interests but would like for this not to get nasty. My gut feeling is that he should get his own lawyer. <BR> Anyone have any advice for me?<P>[This message has been edited by SoSad.59 (edited July 07, 2001).]<P>[This message has been edited by SoSad.59 (edited July 07, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by SoSad.59 (edited July 07, 2001).]

Most upright walking animals could do that...not sure about divorce lawyers...then, again...she would have little to gain by tilting it either way...she would just make it legal, that's all. Two lawyers, on the other hand are more problematic. ow there are 6 people's interests involved.<P>My divorce was lawyerless, but then my XW did all of it, so what do I know?<P>I posted mainly to say hi, and all of that. Take care, and be strong. God Bless.

Hi SoSad,<P>My H did the same thing. He talked about using one lawyer to save money - money that he wanted to use to spend on other stuff not benefitting his family.<P>Your lawyer has been hired to represent YOU. <P>I simply ignored my H's wishes, and told him that he was welcome to go to my attorney at any time and sign papers.<P>Several times my H said: Fine, just have him draw up the papers and I'll sign. He never did hire his own lawyer.<P>Which was fine with me - but at NO time did I ever pretend for a second, no did my lawyer pretend that he was representing both of us.<P>I think that the fact that he took vacations and bought a boat and hid this stuff from you is reason enough not to share attorneys. You'll need subpoena's of your H's financial records. There's no way I would have agreed to share attorneys with my H. Divorce and the financial arrangements affects the rest of your life. You need to look out for your needs first and foremost, especially if you are caring for your kids!<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

DO NOT share an attorney! <P>It limits the choices financially and legally of the attorney! you need legal representation with YOUR best interests in mind. Not HIS.<P>Blessings.

No how, No way, no where.<P>If your attorney is worth the money she is being paid, she will decline this as well. <P>You already said it, your STBX took vacations and bought a boat that he tried to hide from you. Forget this 50/50 nonsense, that is not what the law provides in most states.<P>In our state, provision is made for equitable distribution of the property, not equal. You have a responsibility to take the steps to protect yourself and your children. <P>A fathers first duty to his children is to love their mother. It seems to me your STBX came up a little short in that department. For what he as failed to respond to as his duty, a good sharp divorce lawyer will do nicely. You are paying for her advice, follow it.<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper

I agree with the consensus here. Your H has not acted in a trustworthy manner. It doesn't sound like the two of you are going to agree on the settlement. Therefore it's not a good idea to share a lawyer. This only ties the lawyer's hands when it comes to representing the interests of you and your kids. Ask your lawyer. She'll probably tell you the same thing.

Thankyou everyone for your feedback. I felt that 1 lawyer might not be prudent but I was not sure if I was just falling for the lawyer sales pitch. I really don't think the division process will be that confrontational, but I do have some issues that are not cut and dried. My children are older and I need to make every effort to provide them with a college education. And the only thing the kids have asked for is to stay in their home (they plan to live at home during college), so I am pushing to keep our home. I need to keep reminding myself that I keep expecting the old Husband's reactions to things- not this guy I don't really know. Maybe someday that kind guy who thought about others and doing the right thing will be back, but right now I can't find him. I still love him and do not want to hurt him, but I can't let him hurt us either. Not going with him on the 1 lawyer will probably further harden his feelings toward me though. I guess I still struggle with wanting him to realize his mistake and that out love was worth reciprocating. I struggle with still wanting to please him and with what he thinks of me.<BR>Anyway, I digress. Thank-you again for the advice. <BR>Lisa<P><BR>