I just got off the phone with my STBX - He has really messed with my head. Yes, there is another woman. I feel like I have been dragged behind a semi at 100 miles an hour. One minute he is crying because he knows the pain he has put me through, the next minute he is cold as ice and mad about all the money he will owe me after divorce. When I ask why he has not divorce me yet - it has been a year since he left - he states that "I just want to make sure." What does that mean? Every dream I have ever had has always involved him and how it would affect our life together. He has now decided that I don't equate in his life anymore. He wants to stay "good friends". How do I do that? I live in a little town and everyone knew about the affair before I did - including my 15 year old daughter. She totally is disgusted with her Dad right now. Yes, I knew we had our problems, I just truly did not know how bad he felt that they were. Maybe I have been living in a bubble for the past 3-4 years. I feel like I have been an ostrich with my head in the sand. I feel so stupid. I wish I could just let go of him and my love for him and get on with my life, but I don't know how to do that. I'm here in this little bitty town and can't leave. I can't destroy my children's lives and take them away from everything they have known and loved. My family in in Tennessee and I am stuck here in Oklahoma. I still truly love him even with all the terrible things he has done and put me through. How do I let go. I truly feel that there is nothing left of me now. I need your words of support right now, even if they are words that I don't want to here. I have no one here in this area that is not connected to my husband in one way or another. I truly have no one I can confide in here. Yes, I have friends, but most of them were OUR friends. Please send me some HUGS! I know I sound desperate, but I am so lonely right now!<P>TB

This is sending hugs your way.<BR>Your words are very familar. One minute my X was nice and the next he said horrible things to me.<BR>Just worry about you right now and NOT him. Make sure that you get enough in the divorce to take care of you and your kids.<BR>Letting go is hard and I am still working on it.<BR>Hang in there!<BR>

{{{{{TB}}}}}}, So sorry you're here... Having an affair is the worst thing one person can do to another in a marriage, the pain is absolutely devastating. I would recommend reading all the information on this site about affairs and about Plan A and Plan B. Hopefully, someone will respond to you who can provide the links. <P>My H's OW worked for us. They were apparently carrying on for years before I knew, or would accept it, though everyone at work and even the kids knew (and I also live in a very small town). My H became extremely verbally abusive to me last summer, probably as a way to detach, and 4 months later, moved in with the OW. <P>Please don't call yourself "stupid," though I totally understand the feeling. As for the staying "good friends," that is typical. My H said that to me, though things have now progressed to the point where I have a restraining order against him and we have no contact. But drugs and alcohol are involved in his case (I also denied this for a long time). I also still love my H, though at this point I would not take him back (not that he's asking).<P>Read all you can and post to people who's stories you relate to. You'll find lots of support here, and though it won't make the pain go away, it will help you find yourself again.

All that and stuck in Oklahoma too? Now there's a rotten stroke luck. "Nothing left of me" is how I felt last December. My circumstances are quite different, but I can relate to how you feel. It's a long road ahead. It's hard to pick yourself back up and dust off all the hurt. <P>A small thing that helped me was scented candles and bubble baths. Self care needs to move to the top of your list of priorities. Take 30 minutes in a day to pamper yourself. Dream of possibilities during that time. Leave your problems at the door. <P>Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to follow my own advice...

Thanks to all for your replies. Today has been a better day. Maybe just a bad bout of PMS?? He just seems to keep me so off guard. I never know what to believe. Right now he is stressed over losing his "69" red Camareo to me. I won't sign papers to sell our home until he signs the car over to me. I have pretty much kept my cool through this whole thing, but it is getting harder and harder. Everyone keeps telling me and HIM what a mistake he is making. He is going to have to figure that out for himself. Thanks again for your inspiration.<P>TB