Hi there,<P>Been posting replies more than putting any updates out there. After the counseling meeting where STBX said he never intended on coming home, only wanted my help with the kids and my response to that being I was tired and was moving on, I kind of felt like I fell off the MB wagon.<P>That was April, since then, STBX has harrassed me in phone calls, been over to the house to tell me what I was to tell the girls to say in mediation (of which I told him I wouldn't do, they were to say only what was in their hearts and the truth and he got mad at me.), is once again fighting for the business, asked for exclusive use of the motorhome so I went out and bought a new trailer for teh girls and I (of which he then said he only wanted to sell the motorhome, so I put it up for consignment). Hangs out across the street, but parked his truck around the corner so we wouldn't know he was there. Has threatened me in front of the kids, so that the older daughter told him to go away and leave us all alone. Has refused to pay his half of orthodontist fees and insurance on his part of motorhome and his truck.<P>I finally asked for a restraining order to prevent him from calling or coming over. He plays one side of the "wronged father" when he is on his cell phone and has an audience, then when he is in his office by himself he calls and starts telling me how bad he is going to make my life.He knew the kids were going away for their month with my parents, he even knew what day, but now he is going after me in that I took them without knowledge.<P>the girls have mediation in Aug, neither one of them want anything to do with their dad. they are ages 10 and 14. He says I have turned them against him, yet I was the one who pushed them to have contact with him while they were telling me we were all better off without him. Once he pulled his stuff in April, i no longer pushed the kids towards him and they have been happier. the kids have moved on with their lives and emotions, we are all breaking away from the emotional abuse we lived under for so long. the older daughter is much better, no more rages, a couple of testy moments, but nothing like before. the younger is happier and more at peace with all that is going on.<P>yes, we worry a bit about the house, he has told us several times we ought to get used to him getting the house and how I should start packing. i guess it doesn't make any sense to me that he leaves us, then once he finds out how much it is going to cost him, fights for custody and all. It's been just short of a year since he left. the kids and I have continued to go do the things we enjoyed and he can't stand that. he's now got the neighbors reporting to him on anything we do, trying to get me as an unfit mother (i.e. the older daughter was out in our front yard after curfew, sitting and talking, the neighbors told stbx that i let the kids run around all hours of the night. Mind you D is an honor student and basically a darn good kid)<P>It's like since i didn't crumble and just fold up and walk away (which is what I think he thought I would do), he is now going to destroy me and the girls because we messed up his plans. Yes, he admitted to planning the divorce and waiting for years til it was right for him.<P>Yes, i have grown through all of this. i am starting to get really angry though. he starts out by saying he will give me anything, he just wants out, now he wants to destroy me. I hate having to go through and look at every detail of our marriage for the things that may end up giving me an edge... but he is playing hard ball and it looks as if I have to do the same. <P>What a mess... i've been so thankful that the kids have had some peace and quiet and fun the past week and a half. they made me the best mother's day present... a collage of their pictures from babyhood to present about 2 feet by 3 feet big. It is great to look at and have the memories, although they cut stbx out of all but one pic.<P>Lori

Lori, so sorry you're having to go through all this. I hope you can get the restraining order. I got one and it really helps to cut the contact and relieve the anxiety of never knowing when he's going to show up or what he's going to do.<P>You sound like you're staying strong, which is important for your girls. Hang in there.

God, Lori. I am sorry. I seem to recall things looking better for you a while back. I hope you get the restraining order too. But CYA. It stinks to have to always be looking over your shoulder, but for a while until his rage wears off (and it probably will), you will have to.<P>Cher

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{bangerra}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I have to be honest--when we didn't hear from you for so long, I thought maybe things were going okay for you. I am so sorry to hear that you have to put up with this. Dealing with this kind of rage is so hard and hurts so much, but let me just reassure you that I think you are making a wise move with the restraining order. Remember, do what is in the best interest of Lori, and do what is in the best interest of the girls--even when it seems tough. <P>Is there anything we can do for ya? Hugs, prayers, jokes? How about "You're not alone--even you you feel lonely, we are there with you in thought and prayers."<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Thanks guys! You make it all seem easier. I think the restraining order went through cause he hasn't bothered me again. I am happier with that. The kids are in NM and they are happy he is no longer calling me. <P>I will have a surprise for them when they get home. I will have a new blue addition to the household coming all the way from Australia! Everything seems better with a puppy in the house.<P>It has been a long strange road to here... I've certainly grown and definitely have my self esteem beginning to kick in again. Abusive households don't always have bruises on the outside. STBX is still hanging out across the street at the neighbors, but I'm learning to accept that they are his only friends and they all deserve each other (we nicknamed them the buttbuddies).<P>I applied for some jobs that would get me enough traceable income to carry the house and all, don't want to do that if it's at all possible, but will if I have to. My business is doing well and more work seems to always keep coming.<P>I may be stressy at times, but I am more at peace with myself than I have been in a long time. The kids are doing well, kept excellent grades in school throughout all this mess. All in all, when I decided it was over and quit playing his game, we all breathed a sigh of relief and stepped into a new world.<P>I wish it didn't happen this way, I wish it could have worked out like in the fairy tales, but when one is married to a controlling egotistical person who has no emotions, there's no where to go.<P>Lori<P>