Hi. I just wanted to say to everyone on here that, indeed... even when you think things are all the way over, things can come around.<P>My wife filed for divorce from me in mid-June. She filed an ex-parte motion on me around July 2, to enjoin me from using family money or "emotionally abusing" her.<P>Well... it is now July 9, after a July 6 hearing. First, our lawyers negotiated to have the ex-parte order me mutual (e.g. we can't argue, legally). We had visitation and support ordered. I get a call on the following Sunday, and it's my wife... wanting to make it all work out... agreeing to see counselors both individually and as a couple at the same time.<P>We have been calling eachother all day today and yesterday, in tones we have not used since we met. After neglecting her all this time, being over-involved with work... I now thank God that I have the chance to make it better. It is a wonderful chance... and all the money in the world is not worth what has been given me by her not only wanting to reconcile, but by admitting that we have to get beyond blaming eachother, and start to look inward to get to the root of the problem, with the help of some intensive marriage counseling over the next 6 months.<P>How did I get there? I do not know if it will work for everyone, but even in court, I took up the "kill em with kindness" strategy. No matter what I was served, what the complaint said, I kept composure, and just learned to accept her anger and resentment... giving her space and letting it pass. And... perhaps... I made sure I looked really good when I went to court The strategy can work... but it has to be sincere, from the heart, and backed up with the willingness to take action and look at oneself critically. I am so happy... I gotta share it with the world.

Good for you!! Best wishes to you and your W <P>By the way, it sounds a bit like you did a Plan A, without even realizing it... <P>In case you'd like to know more about us -- here is a welcome message:<P><BR>Hello and Welcome to Marriage Builders!<P>First, I would like to share two links with you. Just click on the underlined links here, and read –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi10_tour.html" TARGET=_blank>Tour of Marriage Builders</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A>. <P>Please read everything you can on this site, post and read often!! <P>I have been betrayed and betrayer, so I have the dubious honor of knowing what infidelity does from BOTH SIDES of the situation. <P>I believe in the concepts espoused here, if applied properly. One idea that has worked *wonders* for some couples is Plan A. Read about it here –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What Are Plan A and Plan B</A>.<P>Use what you learn here to make your marriage a safe place where you do your best to meet the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> of your spouse,and avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> whenever possible. . When a decision must be made, use the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>POJA</A> to determine the final outcome that you can both agree upon.<P>Many couples find that counseling is VERY helpful, and the counseling provided here is excellent for several reasons; but the most important is that it goes along with the concepts here. Check it out here –> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counsel Link</A><P>Again, welcome to our community, and feel free to write often and ask lots of questions!<BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

I am very happy for you and I thank God when I hear stories like these. Can you help someone who is in sort of the same situation but they did not file yet. Read what I posted in this forum under my name heavens angel need your help too,and please if you could can you email Vincent too and tell him that it is not too late that you are living proof? He needs your prayers and his family ericksoa.<BR>God bless you both keep up the work. Lisa<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ericksoa:<BR><B>Hi. I just wanted to say to everyone on here that, indeed... even when you think things are all the way over, things can come around.<P>My wife filed for divorce from me in mid-June. She filed an ex-parte motion on me around July 2, to enjoin me from using family money or "emotionally abusing" her.<P>Well... it is now July 9, after a July 6 hearing. First, our lawyers negotiated to have the ex-parte order me mutual (e.g. we can't argue, legally). We had visitation and support ordered. I get a call on the following Sunday, and it's my wife... wanting to make it all work out... agreeing to see counselors both individually and as a couple at the same time.<P>We have been calling eachother all day today and yesterday, in tones we have not used since we met. After neglecting her all this time, being over-involved with work... I now thank God that I have the chance to make it better. It is a wonderful chance... and all the money in the world is not worth what has been given me by her not only wanting to reconcile, but by admitting that we have to get beyond blaming eachother, and start to look inward to get to the root of the problem, with the help of some intensive marriage counseling over the next 6 months.<P>How did I get there? I do not know if it will work for everyone, but even in court, I took up the "kill em with kindness" strategy. No matter what I was served, what the complaint said, I kept composure, and just learned to accept her anger and resentment... giving her space and letting it pass. And... perhaps... I made sure I looked really good when I went to court The strategy can work... but it has to be sincere, from the heart, and backed up with the willingness to take action and look at oneself critically. I am so happy... I gotta share it with the world.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

I saw what you wrote under my info. If you could seeing you read it. I like what you said you can email Vincent at cipollav@bragg.army.mil and maybe he would appreciate what you said. Seeing you have been down that road before. They all miss him and I just wish he would stick to his vows. He is no longer tied to the cord of his family he has a family and yet he is throwing it away. He acts before he thinks things through. I think he made a mistake here and I think in my heart has too. But can not face her. Your thoughts are appreciate and suggestions to him are welcome too. Coming from those that have been in his shoes may help some. God Bless you and your wife. I praise God for bring couples back. Lets help bring this one back.<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by heavensangel:<BR><B> I am very happy for you and I thank God when I hear stories like these. Can you help someone who is in sort of the same situation but they did not file yet. Read what I posted in this forum under my name heavens angel need your help too,and please if you could can you email Vincent too and tell him that it is not too late that you are living proof? He needs your prayers and his family ericksoa.<BR>God bless you both keep up the work. Lisa<BR> </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

I have a question, I am the wife of Sad_n_lonely. He posts a lot on GQII. We are in a difficult state of his affair. He keeps telling Jennifer Harley and I it is almost over. But the connection is still there. If the BS is feeling that the connection will never end, do you get a lawyer to find out your rights to protect yourself? I am contemplating this, but because we have not gotten very far with H and OW still talking, I am not sure if this would put a negative interaction between what could be a reconcilation by my H. <P>Jennifer and I will consult next time, since he has not gotten rid of OW. Jennifer has actually told me to file suit, and this will either get H moving away from the OW or from myself. She couldn't say which way it would go, H has been difficult to deal with. Jennifer is not happy with his outcome so far. She is not going to converse with him, for the reason he has told her twice it is over and then it is not. <P>So we set a 2 week period (not POJA totally) that it will be over with OW or one of us has to leave. Should I talk to a lawyer, found one but have not seen him yet? I actually am scared to do the first step and make an appointment with him. I really don't want the divorce, but I think my husband wants one and will not be happy until he finds out if the OW is the one suited for him or not. He is not happy with me, conversation wise, intellectually, (I am not stupid, I have a nursing degree), told me tonight he doesn't want to do things with me because of the constraint between us. He used to be active outdoors, but now sits on the computer alot. <P>Anyways, what should I do? Talk to the lawyer to find out to protect myself if one day H says he is done or what? Or should I wait to see if he is willing to work on relationship, or should I have a lawyer ready just in case I need one. This is all new to me and actually very uncomfortable. I hate being in these shoes, wish I could have someone stretch them to be comfortable to take steps in. Should my H pay for the OW cellular phone bill? Found he has paid for them since they have been talking. I figure the bill is probably $3000.00 or more. I know what our bills have been. Stated tonight that he might pay for her cell phone bill, next one. I feel that if he wants to end the relationship with the OW, OW husband does not know about the affair, therefore my H has been paying her bill. <BR>This would give the OW a good kick in the butt to try to pay the phone bill herself, husband says they don't have much money. But she would have to get the money somewhere, and this would open up a whole new can of beans. <P>I would love to be in reconcilliation with my H. But maybe I can post here in the future. But would like to know about the lawyer.