<P>This morning I went and set in an old courthouse next to my attorney. I watched the woman that I love get up, swear in, and sit in the witness chair in front of a Judge I’ve never met before. She answered a couple of simple questions while the tears rolled down my face. My attorney flashed some piece of paper in front of me and the next thing I know this man in a black robe who I’ve never seen before tells me that I’m no longer married. Sickness immediately swept over my body head to toe. She really did it. <P>Just sad and could use some hugs!<BR><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

So sorry you're going through such a hard day. I'm going to be in your exact seat very soon and I don't know how I'll handle it. I guess there is no real way to prepare yourself for such a loss, right?<P>My prayers are with you today.....keep the faith.

<BR>(((((Bill)))))<P>I'll be there soon, too. I'm having a hard day of my own. I thought anniversaries were for celebrating? <P>I wonder what his reaction will be when it's really over. He professed to not wanting a divorce SO many times ... but that didn't stop him from filing to hurt me.<P>T-L-C

LostHusband<P>I don't know you but have followed your story and have read your wonderful poetry. I am truly sorry for your pain. I know it is hard but try to keep your head up. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers today.<P>Here is a well deserved hug.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Bill}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Michele<BR>sballplyr

I am so sorry for your pain today. I will be there soon and I am so scared. I will send prayers for you please send some for me. Stay encouraged. Please...

Bill,<P>I feel for ya, buddy. I know that today was hard, but it will get better and in time, all of this will just be a distant memory.<P>Do something for yourself today. Even if it's just a walk around your favorite park, take some time for you....

Bill, <P>It's ok to feel this way...so let it out, go through the emotional process. I made an appointment with my counselor the afternoon after and just vented..it really helped. Your pain is real, expected and with time, will diminish.<BR>I will be thinking about you!!<P>------------------<BR>Susan

Oh Bill, What a picture you have painted. I'm sitting here in tears for your pain and the thought that you will be me before long. It just doesen't seem right does it? My STBXH says we are only legally married now, that when he decided he wanted a divorce that our marriage ended. That a judge's pronoucement doesn't mean anything. But <B> I </B> still feel married even if he does not. I wonder if the process you have just gone through will change that?<P>I just wanted to offer support and lots of hugs. I'll be thinking about you.<P>Lisa<BR><P>------------------<BR>SoSad.59

{{{{{ Bill }}}}}<BR>Hope you don't mind some from me, too. Hang in there, the <B>real</B> test begins today. I'd say do something spiritual, and meaningful for someone you don't know, it helps me.<P>Kim, Lisa, Michele, T-L-C. LIL...you are NOT there yet, and there is still hope. Bill, don't you agree? I felt hope until there was no hope to stop it, and that is <B>after</B> it has happened, not before. Now, I still have hope that we will reconcile someday, but I am not fixated on it. I am more fixated on my self-esteem issues, but that's not this thread. Maybe I should become 'not_holding_my_breath_for_her', or something like that !<P>Okay...Bill I will say an extra prayer for you today, you are owed at least that. Remember that there really is (eventually) parity in the universe, sometimes it doesn't seem like it, but there is. Take care, bro...and keep the faith. You are a complex onion, and I admire your layers. Keep showing them to me, and I will keep stealing from you! -Mike

(((((((((((((BILL)))))))))))))<P>I remember my court day, it was really similar. I actually had to go up and answer some questions too though. In my court papers, you can read where the judge asks "Mrs Brown, can we get you some water? ... Take your time... You can tell exactly where I was choked up.<P>Then I felt grief and pain. Even though I was dating someone who I cared for already, even was falling for which had nothing at all to do with this incident, I grieved. Yet, later, I did feel a strange weight lifted from my shoulders. <P>For me, that was it, it really ended. The likelihood of us reconciling was really gone, and I felt free. Sad, but free.<P>Had a month or so where I was numb. Couldn't even cry, but then I did, and still do once in a while.<P>I miss the person I fell in love with, but that was so long ago. He is gone, and even a different person now that he is engaged to OW. I miss my old life, miss being married, I loved being married, and I miss my family being intact.<P>But I'll never have it back so I try not to think about it too much because I just don't think this pain truly ever goes away, just maybe gets buried and resurfaces at times. <P>I won't lie, having someone in my life at that time, certainly helped me get thru it, but I know better, I know that wasn't the best thing for me, and I may still face issues in the future because of it.<P>Hugs, your not alone, its a sad day around here anyway, it will get better, hang in there, Dana<BR>

(((((((((((((((((Bill)))))))))))))))<P>I am of the group that is not far behind. I dread my day in court. <P>My thoughts are with you today.<P>Take Care.

Damn y'all, you sure made this Lost Kansas X-Husband feel a lot better today. I'm sure everyone here knows the feeling of not feeling loved, that's how I felt today but then y'all showed up. Though my heart still feels like a mac truck is parked on it, I do feel a 100% better with each passing breath. The tears have all ran out, for now, and the day shall go on.<P>Thank all of you so much, after court I really couldn't wait to get here cause I knew you would be here for me. If there is anything I can ever do for any of you please let me know.<P>bill@salinaplaningmill.com<P><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

I just want to add my prayers and hugs too.<P>I am so sorry that it really happened.<P>(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Bill}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><BR>I wish I could think of something wise and excellent to say that would help you feel better, but who are we kidding? This hurts! And it should! Personally, I say don't try to deny it--walk with it. So, instead, I'll just be here with you, and like a good friend would, just sit with you when you cry. Need a kleenex?<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Words from one of my greatest companions in this journey called <I>LIFE</I>, Henri Nouwen... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> You can claim the permanence of your love as a gift from God. And you can give that permanent love to others. When others stop loving you, you do not have to stop loving them. On a human level, changes might be necessary, but on the level of the divine, you can remain faithful to your love. <P><I>One day</I> you will be free to give gratuitous love, a love that does not ask for anything in return. One day also you will be free to receive gratuitous love. <B>Often love is offered to you, but you do not recognize it. You discard it because you are fixed on receiving it from the same person to whom you gave it.</B><P>The great paradox of love is that precisely when you have claimed yourself as God's beloved child, have set boundaries to your love, and thus contained your needs, you begin to grow into the freedom to give gratuitously.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I bring this quote to mind because what this group of people from this board are doing is giving to you gratuitously because you also have given to us. You may expect it from her (the one you committed your life to) because you give it so freely and unconditionally to her. She obviously doesn't have the capacity to give or receive anything right now... as Nouwen states, on a human level, the way you love her may have to change... this is true. <P>Bill, look deep inside yourself, allow us and the Lord to hug you from the inside out... you are a wonderful person... wholly loved and uniquely His. That is a celebration... You are cherished.<P>Remember that my friend... others may hurt you but that has nothing to do with your security and love and place here at this time. Warmly... Nicole<P>------------------<BR><I>As iron sharpens iron, so does one wo/man sharpen another...</I> Prov 27:17

(((((((Bill)))))))<P>May God's comfort be with you today.

Hi Bill,<P>I'm so sorry about today....what a drag.<P>I will probably be facing that music come this Fall. I don't look forward to it, although I wonder if this painful era of my life will finally be over.<P>I am saying a prayer for you and just wanted you to know that we are with you (if you haven't gathered that so far!).<P><B>"O blows that smite! O hurts that pierce <BR>This shrinking heart of mine!<BR>What are you but the Master's tools <BR>Forming a work Divine?"</B><P>You ARE a work divine, Bill, and He is forming you into His image.<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<BR>

I'm sorry I'm late... <P>I do remember the day I was divorced after 20 years of marriage. It was different for me, of course, because I wasn't alone by then... and yet... I was still sad. Very sad. All those years... all that living... for what? But you know, in the end, it meant something -- TO YOU, if not to your ex-spouse in the fog right now. Your marriage was REAL and MADE A DIFFERENCE in the world.<P>Remember that!!

Sorry for the end, but, look at it positively, <BR>its the beginning of a new life, a better life, and<BR>so congratulations are in order on your new life.<P>You will be feeling better in a while, so this may seem premature, but life will come back.<P>I am looking forward to the day, sometime in August, where she is legally out of my life, and then much more eagerly, when she is socially out of my life.<P>Its not what i wanted, either, but then again, are they who we married? if not, then why would we want them back?<P>good luck<BR>your well on your way.<P>tom<BR>

<<<B>If there is anything I can ever do for any of you please let me know.</B>>><P>[sniiiiiff...] Yeah, go kick my husband's butt!<P>Boo hoo,<BR>Nell <P><BR>------------------<BR>One faces the future with one's past.<BR>--Pearl S. Buck<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Nell (edited July 11, 2001).]