Divorcee. God, that's going to take some getting used to. <P>I'm still numb from the whole D-Day III thing. I've now had to deal with 3 affairs (with Lord only knows how many women). I've only been married for two years (together for four), and I'm getting a divorce now. I'm not sure how to react (other than the Ally McBeal execution fantasies with my husband).<P>I'm new to this...what's next? I guess I want to know that this horrendous sinking feeling in my heart is going to go away...preferably before I reach the retirement home. I recognize some people in here, others I've heard of through the MB grapevine. Any advice, words of wisdom, or chocolate dessert recipes would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

Carolina Belle, I remember you from GQII. So sorry you've ended up here. I've only been here about a month, but it's a very supportive forum. I haven't yet lost the "horrendous sinking feeling" so you'll have to get reassurance from someone else on that one. Meanwhile, take good care of yourself.

Hi, Alana..I'm sorry that your marriage is in trouble. I am also sorry that your H is not committed to it/you.<P>Alana...you are a very beautiful woman, of that there is no doubt. (I peeked at your webpage.) P.S. You haven't closed out a tag properly....I have saved the page off, and will find it in there...looks like too many cut and pastes with the font changes...not sure yet. I'll let you know.<P>What on earth is 'paranormal romance'?...it sounds like a WAS to me! Alien involvement, and all of that! Could I get a preview of that first chapter...I am all atwitter, here, CarolinaBelle...enlighten me!<P>I am sorry for your pain. I suspect that you have a very fragile heart, and I hope that you do not harden it as a result of your young marriage. I'd be willing to bet that the courtship was fast, and passionate. Looks like H doesn't have anything beyond that. Don't let it get to you. I never eat the desert in TV dinners, either. (then again, haven't had a TV dinner in YEARS!) What I mean is: while it is sad to see that under all of that passion there is NOTHING...you have that knowledge now, and painful as it may be now, it would be worse later...far worse.<P>Alana, please forgive me, but I also suspect that you tend to romanticize things, and in the real world that isn't practical all of the time. It is an excellent relationship tool when you are <B>providing</B> it, but not when you are <B>expecting</B> it. Then again, he ain't helping much, is he?<P>What do you want from this? Do you want to remain married? Does this feed some need of yours? It is time for you to do some self-examination and analysis. I am not blaming you, just want you to take this opportunity to learn more about yourself, and grow. It is too easy to be bitter, and that is not you, I can see that clearly.<P>Yes, chocolate is great. In fact, it triggers a neurotramsmitter that only one other thing triggers. It does, therefore, have some psycho-medicinal value to those who 'use' it...just don't abuse it...I'd hate to see you in Chocoholics Anonymous....Hello, I'm Alana, and I eat chocolate...Hello, Alana. Not pretty...sitting there all hopped up on Hershey bars...in a diabetic coma...with no Riesen to live.<P>Tell us more about your sit, and what you want to accomplish with your life. What about your son? What do you want for him?<P>You are in a bad place, but that does not make you a bad person. Make sure you stay clear on that. Like I said, resentment and bitterness come too easily. You seem to have so much more to offer...we are waiting. -Mike

Hi Carolina...I'm sorry for the reasons that you are here, but welcome anyway.<P>((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))<P><P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

CB...<P>Well, I'm sorry to see you're joining our little club. I don't know what to say, other than to temporarily suspend my self-imposed ban on cyber-hugs:<P>((((CB))))<P>Now, does that feel better?<P>I thought you guys were doing better, but I guess your H's brain damage went deeper than we all thought! <P> Three affairs? I'm sorry, but (indulge me while I complement you) if I were married to a woman who was smart, beautiful, had a wicked sense of humor, <B>and</B> could slam me head first into the turnbuckle, I'd chain myself to the house and never stray! But that's just me, a guy who's been divorced for 5 months, alone for a year, and just took a look at your publicity photo! <P>Really, though...I remember your wicked sense of humor from your days on GQII. I really hope you haven't lost that. I can tell you from personal experience that the sinking feeling goes away eventually. It is replaced by a kind of cynical morose feeling, coupled with a general hatred of the opposite sex...its refreshing, really! <P>Advice? Find yourself. You've probably lost you along the way.<P>Words of wisdom? Don't date for at least a year. Really. Trust me on this one.<P>Chocolate recipes? If I had gotten my father's fudge recipe from him before he died, you would be on the floor writhing in ecstacy in short order, but unfortunately...<P>Take care, and keep posting. If you'd like, e-mail me at <P>gogojack@msn.com<P><p>[This message has been edited by cjack (edited July 11, 2001).]

CB,<P>Damn, I also thought you guys were recovering. Guess I should also call you Alana, since I think you've revealed your name before, but I still think of you as CB. I visit this forum to check on my friends, hopefully it won't be my home. What a shock to see your post.<P>I want to echo what CJack said about "if I were married to a woman who was smart, beautiful, had a wicked sense of humor, and could slam me head first into the turnbuckle, I'd chain myself to the house and never stray!". I agree 100%. Heck, as I've said before, I've liked you ever since I read about your whipping up on the former "best friend" that he fooled around with while you were dating.<P>It's very late in Houston, but I wanted to respond. Take care of yourself and the little one. I'm so sorry and wish I could help.<P>Steve

Carolina Belle:<P>I remember you since we are from the same place (I believe I taught at the high school where your H went). I was so hopeful for you this last time. My H has the same OW, but we had several fake reconciliations. I'm so sorry for you. I know that you don't see it now, but you will come out of this a better and stronger person. And your H? He'll come out of this as a serial cheater. Who gets the better end of the deal? Good luck and stay busy.<P>TM (also Trying to move on)

Alana,<BR>We talked before about wrestling, and Ric Flair...<BR>I'm so sorry to hear about this turn of events. I have so much respect for you and your efforts in saving your marriage. I hope things go well for you. If you ever need shoulders to cry on, you are at the right place. You have so much going for you, that he must be deaf, dumb, blind and stupid to be doing this to you. I wish you nothing but the best no matter how this turn out....<P>John

Hey, TM...can you get this all put into his <B>permanent record</B>, because I think that it needs to be in there!

Well Alana honey,<P>I'm just so sorry to see you here honey...not that this is a bad place to be, it's just sad when any one of us has to make yet another transition.<P>We were on GQII for a long time together. I'm glad you came here immediatley. I stopped reading/writing for quite a while...it was just all so sad, but coming here is just as healing as going to GQII was, we have been through the trenches honey, as everyone else here has and as you know, knowledge is POWER. This will empower you.<P>So he has had 3 affairs now huh? Can you tell us how you found out, did you make him leave or did he do it on his own? Did you visit an atty yet? Is he spending time with your son? Talk to us...the people here have vast experience on how to handle anything from choosing an attorney to how to take care of yourself on H's weekends with the kiddo. Those are tough at first...my advice, hmmmm, manicures, pedicures, massages, facials...at his expense of course.<P>Please keep writing here...you have such a gift for painting a realistic and hilarious picture with your words. You got me through a lot of bad times with your wonderful sense of humor. Having you on D/D, while sad as heck, can only be a gain for all of us here.<P>I know it's sad Alana, I am in a very good place in my life, but still feel sad for the loss of my family and my life. We are all at different stages here, but please know it will get better...these people are right.<P>gotta go, write back soon,<P>allison

Hello CB,<BR>I'm sorry that things are going this way for you... for everyone here.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I can tell you from personal experience that the sinking feeling goes away eventually. It is replaced by a kind of cynical morose feeling, coupled with a general hatred of the opposite sex...its refreshing, really.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well, I can add to that... eventually, you don't think about it as much, then, hardly at all. I've been here longer than you have been married (3+ years), living on my own for almost 2 years, and divorced for almost a year and a half. On what would have been our 8th wedding anniversary, my X decided to tell me he is getting married again. (I posted about it last week). <P>I can honestly say it doesn't bother me anymore. I've recently started dating again... and I'm happier now that I have been in a very long time. I don't dwell on what happened anymore... I know that I did all I could, and now I'm moving on. Every once in a while I still get a twinge... but it's more like a hang nail than a broken heart. <P>Hang in there, and be good to yourself... and remember we are here for you.<P>Thoughts & Prayers,<BR>Dawnetta<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel

OOPS.... I forgot the most important thing! <P>Ice Cream Cake...<P><B>30 Oreo or Hydrox cookies (crushed)</B> ~ This is great for working out frustrations... <P><B>1/4 Cup melted butter or margarine<P>One Gallon Ice Cream</B> (I usually use vanilla, but use whatever kind you like)<P><B>One jar Hot Fudge toping<P>One bottle Hershey's Chocolate syrup<P>One 16-24 oz size Cool Whip<P>Any additions you care to make... ie, chopped nuts, cherries, sliced bananas, etc...</B><P>While crushing cookies and making crust, allow ice cream to set out and soften.<P>Mix crushed cookies and butter and press firmly in the bottom of a freezer safe 9x13 or 12x16(?) baking dish. <P>Spread softened ice cream over cookie crust... <BR>NOTE: I buy the square/rectangular carton of ice cream and then slice it into approximatly 3/4 - 1" slices (depending on the depth of your dish) when softend and lay it over the cookies... then smoosh it together to make the layer.<P>Place crust and ice cream layers in the freezer to firm up again... 1/2 to 1 hour (depending on how soft it got earlier).<P>Mix about 1/3 to 1/2 (or more if you like) jar of Hot Fudge toping and about 1/2 cup of chocolate syrup in a pan and heat until the fudge melts and incorporates with the chocolate syrup, but doesn't get too hot.<P>Take frozen ice cream out of freezer and drizzle/spread fudge over the top (all the way to the edges)... you can poke holes in the ice cream and let it run into them too if you like). You can add extras now (ie bananas & nuts) if you like)<P>Allow fudge to cool (or place back in freezer to set)...<P>Spread Cool whip on top of fudge layer to your liking, and freeze until ready to serve. (I recommend 3-4 hours to get it really set, then take it out for 5-15 minutes to soften slightly to make cutting easier).<P>Cut into pieces* and garnish with topings such as nuts, sprinkles & cherries if desired. *or just grab a spoon <P>Enjoy!<P>

Thank you for the encouragement everybody...but one thing - PLEASE, call me Ali. My dear H is the only person who calls me Alana - my <B>friends</B> call me Ali.<P>I got the paperwork for the D today - I went to see the attorney, and he was a total [censored] (I see now why lawyer jokes are so popular). First of all, he looked like Jabba the Hut in a cheap suit - I should have known then to get the hell out of there. I told him my situation, and he kept telling me how I should go for more child support, full custody instead of joint (w/me having full physical custody) of our son, etc. I finally just walked out and went to the courthouse myself to get the necessary paperwork.<P>He called me and wanted me to meet him, and started literally begging me not to divorce him - how he probably doesn't deserve another chance but wants to make our family work, "don't split up our family," etc. He said that he was used to being able to do what he wanted when he wanted, and didn't know how to handle responsibilty (and this is supposed to sway me to stay with you <I>how</I>?) I told him that I was going to give it until the end of the month (our anniversary - how ironic) to file papers, but that this is something that I feel has to be done.<P>Okay, he didn't admit to cheating. I can tell that he did though (you're with somebody long enough, you get to know them). I went through his truck the other day and found condoms (he claimed they were for masturbation - HA - he has told me on NUMEROUS occasions in the past that he HATES the feel of condoms - he only uses them when he screws someone he doesn't know!) and women's phone numbers (yep, more drunken heffers. I don't get it. Well, if he decides to make a permanent arrangement with any of them, I hope their kids have her [censored] and his hairline!) But I'm not bitter, not at all!<P>I'll answer individually a little later - but thank you again for the kind words (and thanks for the ice cream recipe Butterfly - I'm going to get "wasted" tonight! LOL) <P>

CB, <P>I had been thinking about you. How is your little one? I am sorry to hear of the D. You have been so strong and been through so much. It is just not fair is it? Life does not always deal us a fair hand but we can make it better. <P>I agree, chocolate does help. Too bad it doesn't work on WSs. For me, I have actually lost my 2pm chocolate craving. Along with about 20 pounds. It has been replaced by a 24 hate for the OW. Gotta fix that. <P>I truly don't want the OW in my life anymore, even if it means losing my H. Actually that is because he won't give her up. His family is not as important as him communicating with her. YUCK!!!!<P>I remember your stories and for me, your accounts helped me get through my rough beginning. Now I get to tell some whoppers. <P>Please let us know how we can help. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<P><BR>