I took my ring off today and nearly tossed my cookies. I have been going to see a counselor but I am going to have to wait until after August to continue. My new insurance will not be in effect until August and I am pretty broke now from paying the counselor in cash. I am finding out quite a bit about my self that I already new but never paid much attention to. She says that I repressed most of my feelings and am not allowing myself to feel. She says that may be why I have been sick for most of the last 13 years. I still seem to cry alot for no reason. I must not let it interfere with my new job though. I am finding it extremely difficult to find anyone to talk to, since my friends were in essence her friends. It is very scary to find yourself alone without any friends for support. I know that there is always family but it is not the same as when you talk to a friend. I have noticed that my energy level has been very low lately. Not much of an appetite, but still eating what I can. I have lost about 12 pounds in the last 2 weeks, which is not too healthy a thing to do. Sorry for the rambling but I am feeling extremely lost and very depressed this morning. The people at work are always wondering why my eyes are always red and puffy, so I tell them it is my allergies acting up. Getting more difficult to keep a happy face on all the time. Well I better get to work and start being happy.

OAS,<P>I don't know your story but I'll look it up later. I know the feelings you have right now. Believe me brother I know every once of pain. Not to long ago I took the ring that hadn't been removed from my hand for 12 years off and like you I experienced intense pain. Without a doubt I know of the unhealthy weight loss in two months I went from 207 to 155. I too thought that I was eating. I too know that family is great but you need friends to talk to. I FOUND MY FRIENDS TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS ON THE PAGES OF THIS BOARD.<P>Number one priority is that you have to take care of yourself. You have to FORCE yourself to eat and I mean eat like you used to. You have to FORCE yourself to spend some fun time with yourself and ALLOW yourself to take a break from the pain. <P><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Don't keep it all to yourself- My wife told me she wanted out in March, and I didn't tell anyone for a month, then only told my mother until late May, when I finally told the rest of my family, friends, and some close co-workers. It is a lonely hell dealing with this alone- now that the word's out to people, it's still hell, but it's not as lonely.

Orlando,<BR> Yes, I know exactly what you are going through, right down to the new job thing. I eventually quit...not a good move on my part, but....<P>Believe it or not, that is not rambling. You posts seem to refelct that you are very aware of what is happening to you, and with you. There is no outward negativity, I hope that you aren't cussing her out internally!<P>It really isn't surprising that you have physical symptoms from this, it rocks you at your core. That is one reason people tell you to exercise when you are in this sit. Another is to just give you something positive to do with your self/time. I never bought into it 'keeping my mind off of things', that's pretty unrealistic in my case.<P>I have come here for most of my venting, and to get the support I needed. I have also, as I told you before, been working on my relationship with God, trying to trust him more, and rely on him more for guidance, grace, and strength. Honestly, I haven't had much success in finding a human being to do that. Seems she got the friends in the D, but since her EA/PA involved a friend in the clique, the clique went to her. Man, you have never seen so many people with that 'hand in the cookie jar' look! Trying to get the grace to forgive them, but I got kind of stuck on her, you know?<P>I was doing great with the kids until Saturday, not sure where I stand now, haven't heard from them. I made the mistake of expecting something extra from them, and they could not provide it. Anyway, now I am rambling.<P>Take care, and be strong, Orlando...read Psalm 51 when you feel lost. God has a special place in his heart for you now. -Mike

OAS,<P>I know what you are going through and it is HELL. My ex removed her ring the day after she told me that she wanted a divorce and never wore it again. It broke my heart to see her hand without that ring and each time I looked down, I could feel the dagger in my heart being twisted just a little more. I actually had a very difficult time removing my own ring, as I was still a married man and did not want to be getting divorced. After about 2 months I just couldn’t wear it anymore. I felt like I was living a lie with the symbol of our union on my finger when we were truly apart. It was horrible.<P>I also went through depression and the whole weight loss issue as well dropping 12#’s in the first week and 24#’s the first month. Slowly, I began to find myself and I started eating again. Even if you have to force yourself to eat (which I am sure you do) eat <B>SOMETHING</B> every day. It doesn’t have to be a lot, just choke down some food. <P>Take care of you and know that there are many caring people on this site who are here to support you through this.<P>You will make it.<BR>

Orlando...<P>Just popped in to check on you. I am so sorry you are in such pain right now. Your counselor may have a point about you repressing feelings for many years...and when they do come out they can be very powerful.<P>You do have friends, BTW. <P>Hugs & prayers--<P>Kathi

Orlando, <BR>I just wanted to also say that this board is a great place to come for support and friendship.<BR>I also lost most all my friends in this process. My STBXH only wanted to do things with his friends and so those are the couples we hung with. So now you and I both kind of start from scratch. I am in sales, so I don't have officemates to hang out with. So its been hard. I finally decided I would pretend that I just moved to a new town. What would I do if that was the case? The other night I actually sat down and made a list of things I would do to get out there and meet some new people. Just doing that made me feel better.<BR>The feelings of depression also affected me physically. I've lost 30 lbs in the last yr. I'm only 5 feet tall so people keep asking what wonderful diet I am on. I guess you could call it the "misery diet". The really ironic thing is that people tell me how marvelous I look and then assume I am handling this so well. My outside doesn't look like my inside feels. Wierd.<BR>I have also seen a councelor. And she has been helpful. But I can honestly say that coming to this site has been even more helpful. It is so comforting to know that there are other people out there who feel as I do about losing their marriage and that I am not alone. <BR>You are not alone either. You have us. <BR>Lisa<BR>

OAS,<P>The rings are a terrible real sign. I know it hurt me too.<P>Id suggest going for a physical. Tell your doctor what you are going through. There are medications that can ease the lows and stimulate your appitite at the same time.<P>Good luck to you. Keep posting and try to concentrate on YOU rather than you and her. Its hard I know.<P>Take care,<P>Randy

Hi , I too know how you felt. taking that ring off.<BR>I cried for days...But I really loved my ring. In fact it had taken us a year to pick it out for our 25th anniversary.<BR>Recently I took it out and looked at it and started laughing....A family member said "Why are you wearing your ring?" I said it was a going away present. They looked at me funny and I said" My H gave it to me and THEN HE WENT AWAY" and they cracked UP!!! <BR>So now I wear it on my right hand and it is just a piece of jewlery. When ever stranger comment about it being such a pretty ring..I just say thanks...and leave it at that!!!<BR>Maybe some day you will be where I am...<BR>My divorce isn't final yet..but will be in about 4 months.<BR>Family , friends and even NEW friends have made it possible for me to move on....<BR>Do I still love my stbx? Yes...but time is up and it's time to move on with my life....<BR>Tyra

I am the BS, my H has had this ongoing affair since June of 2000. I also, lost close to 20#. Wasn't that heavy to begin with but people say you look so good. I feel so lousy inside and know that I can't fake happiness. I put my wedding ring on for a few days, and my H asked why am I wearing my wedding ring, I took it off for good. I put it on cause it fit nicely, before it was too tight. I thought the ring symbolized marriage not confrontation. I will not wear it again unless he says he wants this marriage. I thought I could wear the ring because he has said we are still married, but if it offended him that much I will not wear it. <P>Being the BS you have to endure so much pain. I do well with Plan A for a few days, and then I LB or just get so low that no one wants to be near me. As for friends, I have distanced myself from them. I wrote each one a e-mail or talked to them on the phone and told them why I am doing this distance. I felt I was bearing so much depression on them, I didn't want to lose them to a loveless marriage on the rocks. When things are settled I discussed with them extensively that I would like the friendship to continue. <P>Yes, the depression is for real. I have started on medication and hope to see results in 3-4 weeks. I really didn't want to take medication, but I knew my attitude was deteriating tremedously and I felt miserable and wanted to end life. Also, the weight loss scared me, I wasn't that heavy to begin with. My H seems to have put weight on, he eats all the time and a lot of junk food. H doesn't know I am on medication yet, well tell him when I feel comfortable to tell him.<P>My H posts a lot on these boards, I read what he writes and it depresses me. He is still communicating with the OW and I feel he will never love me, he only loves her and wants her for his wife. I have cards (photocopied) that he sent her, were very graphic sexually, I have heard him talk to her on the phone when he didn't know I was listening. (I wish he were saying those things to me). Even tonight he says that the OW is emotionally unstable, but he still wants her. He says the WS are suppose to feel that way. I am bearing a lot of stress elsewhere beside this marriage. So I hope to last during the process of him getting rid of the OW, but days like today, I feel hopeless. My father has suffered 4 mini-strokes about 2 months ago. I am close to my father and this has caused a lot of stress on the family especially my mother who has the job of 2 older people, taking care of her husband and all the things he used to do.<P>I am counseling with Jennifer Harley, but this week she is out-of-town and I won't be talking to her until next Thursday. She has told H she doesn't want to talk to him until he has done hurdle one (get rid of OW). So I guess I will talk to her alone again. H said tonight, it will be done. But see, he has told Jennifer this twice already and was not done. Jennifer just said she was unhappy with his response and she also advised me to do Plan B. Which I thought about and really said maybe that would be the best plan. My H is posting as Sad_n_lonely.

Okay, Orlando, please forgive me for this...Thinker...I 'think' you just told him!<P>I 'met' H today...he is a very deep, and complex man with a brain that I am in absolute awe of, I am certain that whenou two communicate effectively, there is much wisdom shared. He started a thread, and we are exchanging views, trying to get to the 'heart of the matter' as amateurs in the process...I find it very helpful. I am starting a thread to get your input on some matters...I hope you don't mind...please join in, okay? Thanks -Mike