Hello to all...this is my first post, although I have been a lurker.<P>I do not know what is wrong with me, I thought that I was way past all the horrid stuff from the past with this, but lately I find myself embroiled back in the pain of it all and constantly looking for answers. I am hoping that all of you may be able to shed some light for me. I am embarassed to tell my story, but here goes.<P>My STBX H left me about 2.5 years ago for my sister-in-law right after I had our last child. They had both proclaimed that they had fallen in love with each other and they deserved to be happy. The break up was very bitter and cruel with both of them telling me that I was nothing and wasted 15 years of his life, that I took advantage of my H and neglected him, (at the time I was suffering post-partum depression, so could be somewhat true in that respect), that they were meant to be etc. Since then they have had me arrested in front of my children because I was trying to regain custody of my boys when they refused to return them to my care, (BTW, she and my brother have 2 girls, him and I have 2 boys), they have forced my oldest, (8), to make tape recordings of how horrid I am, have gone around town telling my family and friends that I need psychological help, and the list goes on, but if I were to tell you everything this would be even longer than it is now. I do admit that I was not perfect in the marriage or after the break-up. God knows I haven't been.<P>The thing is, these 2 people have taken my brother for all he had. When he left he had a duffel bag and that is all after spending a great deal of his life obtaining a home and what not. They forced myself and 2 children from our home and now we live in subsidized housing all the while they live off the fruits of my brother's labour. They have emotionally depleted myself and my brother not to mention the children. Although, my brother has gone on to do quite wonderful, I have not. The pain has come to rest again with me. <P>At present, these 2 people have stayed within our town acting as though they have done nothing wrong and expecting to maintain all the family ties with my family. Which they try vehemently. They live in the house that my brother paid for, drive the vehicles that my brother paid for, even go so far as asking my brother to fund their various escapades. They are even seeking custody of my 2 boys and have dragged me through the mill in court. They maintain that all have to be adult about this and we can all be friends, socailize etc together. My next court date is August 9 for the custody battle.<P>I am wondering here, how do I get past all of this and complete the healing that I need to be "me" for my children and myself?? Will it come in time...it has been so long already.<P>Thanks in advance!!<P>

I am sorry for all that you have had to go through.<P>I wonder too when I will be completely able to go on and forget about everything my X has done to me.<P>Time does help....but my friends and family have been so supported of me and that has helped a lot.<P>Look to your brother to set the example for you. You said he is moving along just fine.<P>Consentrate on you and keeping custody of your children.<P>Look inside yourself and find your strengths.<P>Remeber....what goes around comes around.....your Stbx may be having fun now....but he does not know what he has lost.<P>Hang in there.

Whatever,<P>((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))<BR>I feel so bad for everything that you are dealing with. Your stbx and your exsil are really creating a spectacle. This game will all come crashing down on them in the end.<P>Getting through this will be difficult but come here often and post. Reach out to others if you can. It helps to be able to reach out and give someone some comfort in spite of your pain.<P>We will be here to listen and help.<P>Always always try and remember that this is not about you it is about them and thier weaknesses. People who have to hurt others and treat others like this truely have some real problems and you will be better off without him in the end.<P>Look after those boys. Although you feel like curling into a ball and crying all day they need you to be strong for them and help them get through this as well. I can't believe how your stbx is using your son against you. I'm sure your son feels terrible. Talk to him calmly about his feelings. He may not feel like saying much at first but if he knows that you are not trying to get information from him to use against his dad he will sooner or later want to talk to you about things. Advice from my friends who come from divorce is to never never put down your stbx in front of the kids, it only makes you look mean and makes them turn to the other parent. They still love thier dad even though we all know he is a total jerk right now. It is so hard to have your kids still love thier dad when you want them to feel about them as you do. And in time they will know who was the better parent if you take the high road.<P>All this is so hard but we come out the other side of this mess much better people because we chose the harder path to follow.<P>I hope some of this helps. Unfortunatly the best healer is time and lots of it.<P>Take Care.

Thanks My3KIds and Hopeless,<P>I appreciate your kind words. I have tried for all I am worth to not badmouth my stbx in front of my boys although I have had a slip here and there. I do not want my boys to take sides, I want them to be kids and enjoy their childhood without all the crap. They are only kids and they do not deserve any of this. I will always do what is best for them and whatever protects them. They are my world and whatever it takes that is what will be.<P>I know time heals all, but it just sucks that is has been so long and it has come back so fervently. It would be nice if they would leave town and that in itself would make it so much easier.<P>Thanks again!!