<BR>Someone told me this story once as relating to my STBXH. I thought it was interesting and thought I would pass it along. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>In one particular Indian tribe, as boys approached Manhood, they had to pass particular tests to become a Man.<BR>One was the running through the corn.<P>The braves were told to run through two rows of corn. They were told to grab as much corn to fill up their bag as possible. But they should only choose the "best corn", because once the corn was put in, it could not be taken out. And they had to live on this corn for the coming winter.<P>Some of these braves were very picky. They ran down the rows only choosing the very best corn. And as you might have guessed, when they got to the end, they had very little corn to live on. They passed by some very good corn for the possibility of the "perfect corn". They passed each ear they came to, hoping there would be an even better ear up ahead. And as a result they ended up with very little to show for their efforts.<P>Others were prudent enough to know that corn doesn't have to be perfect to make a good meal and a happy winter. These were judged to have the wisdom to be a "man" in the tribe.<BR>Often, when we dream of the "perfect" out there, we pass by something that is very good right under our noses.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I don't think this is a story about settling for the less than perfect, but about knowing that with a little work and effort, something good can become even better. Often when we search for the illusion of the "ideal", we end up being disappointed when looking back over what we purposely threw away.<P>When my husband turned 40 and after 26 years together, he decided that I might not be his "Soul Mate". He thought that if you were with your "soul mate" that marriage would be easy. And I am familar. Not mysterious and new. So he decided that he needed to do some "comparison shopping". I'm afraid he has thrown away someone who loved him with all her heart, for the possibility of a fairytale come true. <BR>Maybe he will find what he is looking for. But I do know that he will not find somone out there who loved him more than I. <P>Lisa <P>

Lisa, I agree with the Indian story. My H is the WS and is still communicating with the OW. Soon to end I was told, Hurray! He said she was his soulmate, lover, and wife according to their vows they felt. Yes, a marriage falls into bad times, all marriages according to the Harleys, if the effort is not there. <P>Yes, I love my husband, he feels I don't. I feel we are a good team together. He has short comings that I can fulfill, and my short comings are his better spots. We have been married for 23 years. He remarked how the OW met his EN and he was very happy with her. She is a disorganized person just as much as my husband is. Could you imagine the mess they would be in. <P>Hopefully, we will be in a plan of Jennifer Harleys this week if the addiction to the OW is over. Husband has told Jennier 2 times already, therefore, she has fired my H from talking to her until hurdle 1 is over (getting rid of the OW). <P>Yes, the WS is in a deep FOG. They think this OP is the one of their choice. The OP is the utmost fantastic person in the world. They have not gone through all the tribulations of life with this person to see how they will react. There minds are in fantasy land and see only what they perceive to be a perfect soulmate. Their choice will eventually bite them in the butt. Oh, how that will hurt!

Dear Thinker,<P>Good luck to you in the therapy. It sounds like you guys still have a chance. I was married for 22 years. It's hard when you have been together that long isn't it?<BR>And I think you are right. It is so much easier to reinvent yourself when the person is a total stranger. They don't know the mistakes you have made. That is a major issue with my STBXH. He feels that he has made so many mistakes that it would be better to just start over. I tried to tell him that he had not burned any bridges with me yet when he first left. But he would not believe me. With a stranger you can be perfect - at least for awhile.<BR> <BR>I noticed that you have a post from Waiting_for_her. He is a great guy to talk to and he has helped me alot.<P>I just wish I could have convinced my H that what he had in me and the kids was pretty darn good. Maybe not perfect, but not too bad. But one thing I have learned is that I cannot influence him in much of anything. I read somewhere that Waiting_for_her said the person that cares the least has the most control of the relationship. That was indeed the case in my life.<P>So take heart and read alot of the threads. I was surprised when I first found this board that so many people had the same feelings that I did about going through this situation.<P>------------------<BR>Character is determined by what you do when no one is watching.