I look at my 5 year old son every day and see the hurt in his eyes as dinner time comes and he knows that Daddy is not coming home. I feel the sadness in his tears as he cries in my arms almost every night before bed because he hates not seeing his Dad every day. I listen to my daughter cry when her Daddy leaves after his weekend with them. I feel her sorrow when she asks me why Daddy moved out. I look into the eyes of my 1 year old after 3 days with Daddy and wonder if he will recognize me at the end of the weekend. I wonder also if he will call her "Mama" before he says it to me. <P>These are the realities of my life with children who were left by their father for another woman. Yes, he says he left me, not them, but you can't have it both ways. I am doing everything I can to keep their Dad in their lives so that when they grow up I don't have to visit them every Sunday in prison or be a grandmother at age 35. Things will not be fine, but what we can do is be the best parents in the world and pray that God will take care of the rest.<P>------------------<BR>Rachel :)<BR>

And I guarantee you this, God will take care of the rest. That's what He has promised us. He has promised us that we will be not only fine, but we will be filled with joy and will reap immeasurable happiness if we trust in Him. Trust and believe in that and you all will be more than fine.<P>------------------<BR>Love is meant to heal. Love is meant to renew. Love is meant to oust all fear. Love is meant to harmonize differences. Love is meant to bring us closer to God.

As do most on this board, I believe we have tremendous control over our own lives. We must believe that we single parents can and will make the difference in our children's lives. If we don't believe this, then we will not do all we can to make it so. It's really very simple.<P>It's tragic that our spouses have taken leave of their responsibilities for their own selfish gain, but it is reality. We are what our children have and we owe it to them to give them everything we can.<P>My BIL (husband's brother) made a great comment to me this weekend. He said "If (absentee cheating husband) can't put the children's needs ahead of his own, do you really want him to be raising your children?". Good question. While it's clear that two loving, committed, and moral parents are way better than two divorced ones, it's also clear to me that having my husband back IN HIS CURRENT MORAL AND ETHICAL STATE will further harm the children. We all count on them returning to what we thought was normal behavior, but they may not. These selfish versions will not impart the proper values on the kids and we're all better off minimizing their influence.<P>We make the difference and owe our children everything we can give. We cannot control the (rotten and immoral) behavior of others, but we control ourselves.

Distrusting,<P>I couldn't agree with you more. Maybe others will be more receptive to you saying this rather than it coming from me. Thanks.<P>------------------<BR>Love is meant to heal. Love is meant to renew. Love is meant to oust all fear. Love is meant to harmonize differences. Love is meant to bring us closer to God.

distressed, that has been my dilemma...i want my kids to have a daddy, and he is a good one when present, but will he really be able to provide a sound moral model?<BR>...of course, i wonder the same thing for me. do i want a husband who could lose it so bad, treat me so bad, and still disillusion himself into thinking he's blameless and being loving? oh well, different issue...

camarinick,<BR>I worry about many of the same things. My 3 year old was calling the OW Mommy for awhile, although of course she had been calling me that for a long time before that. I overheard one of my kids telling another not to let me know that because I would feel bad. I would have felt worse if not for the fact that at that time she was calling every adult woman Mommy. Now she calls the OW by her first name, which is unfortunately the same as mine.<P>Distressed and LwB,<BR>I want my kids to have a father too, but this situation is unfortunately not minimizing his influence. He may not be around much, but he makes it clear that he is not willing to spend much time with them unless the OW is also present.<BR>

My favorite verse:<P>"All things work together for good for them that love God and and are called according to His purpose."<P>An affair in our marriage has been devastating to both me and my H. But God has once again taken something that was evil and has turned it into good. I'm sure satan is royally ticked off. He's been dupped again!<P>"God's promises are rainbows in the night, shining hope inside when shadows cloud our eyes ...." <p>[This message has been edited by Maya (edited September 02, 1999).]

On that note a funny story. H, OW and the kids were at Target last week. The clerk said something about "Mommy", referring to OW. My 5 year old put his hands on his hips and said with a mean, grumpy face in a loud, nasty tone, "SHE is NOT my Mom! SHE is Daddy's friend, Megan!" I had to laugh. I guess they'll never make THA mistake again!<P>------------------<BR>Rachel :)<BR>